Five Years Old

Good evening my dear loved ones. I hear that your summer is not yet very warm and quite wet. It sounds like our winter down under, but for once, I think it is actually colder here. The wind has been very cold in the day lately, so much that even in the sun, you shiver a little if you don’t have three layers on. Since I last wrote, we have had another major flood. This one was statistically the worst one of the last three, but here on our hill, it wasn’t so bad. Our major highway was flooded for at least three days, preventing Matt from getting to work and preventing Mary from getting home. Matt enjoyed his little vacation but felt terribly guilty for not helping out with the flood relief with which his coworkers were coordinating. It was bright and sunny here for a few days while the flood waters blocked many people from going to work. There are many sad stories of people thinking their whereabouts were more important than the reality of fast flowing water, leading to death out of desperation to get to work or to a loved one. Luckily Matt made the most of his inability to work: playing with the girls and helping around the house. He scheduled a few extra doctor’s appointments and fixed himself up.

Health-wise we are all well enough. Genevieve is over her cold, but Jacinta has a stuffy nose now, nothing severe though. Matt’s back is feeling good, but his shoulder is still quite sore. My right hand has a bit of eczema and it flares up from time to time. It is sore, scaly and sometimes cracks. I am trying a thousand things to cure it naturally and some of them are working…which ones though??? This will be the constant question. Shall I keep up my sad diet of no refined sugar, no caffeine and no alcohol? Or is this exclusion really helpful? I am eating more greens and veggies than I have in a while and feel quite energetic. The girls, being stuck with my cooking are also eating better than ever. Jacinta is perhaps going through a growth spurt, as she eats with much less complaint these days. It would make sense, her legs are getting so long.

I am feeling well rested and running on a full tank, which is abnormal. Last weekend on the full moon I camped out on the other side of the dam in a little tent, all alone. I went out after the girls went to sleep, taking two trips through the gully in the dark, loaded down with books, extra clothes, blankets and a tent. I set up my tent by the light of the moon and a candle. Matt held down the fort in the warmth of our house while I sat bundled up outside gazing at the moon, reading Green building books, and dreaming about our future girly retreat hut. I had the best sleep in a long time, knowing Matt was listening for the girls and I was too far to hear Genevieve wake up with a wet diaper. My toes froze under three pairs of socks and three wool blankets and a sleeping bag. Poor circulation is a bummer, but not so much that I didn’t enjoy my peace and rejuvenation. I was back just in time for the girls to wake up, make breakfast and let the chickens out. To top it off, the next day Matt took the girls out for the day to Koala Park and strawberry picking. I cleaned the house and cleared a major path to get up to our campsite. This was some hard labor, hacking back the weeds, cutting through vines, moving fallen trees and digging up weedy trees. It was gratifying labor though, I felt good and strong and whole.

I found a quote in a green living book which was said by Rilke, something about true loving partners being the guards of each other’s solitude. What a concept, that to truly love one another, we need not spend all our time together. To love is also to assure your loved one enough space to him or herself, necessary solitude. I know Matt needs solitude and I try my best to offer him space, but I have just figured out that I too thirst solitude. Matt is awesome at guarding my solitude, making sure I have space to rejuvenate and thus offer more love from a fuller cup. I know I am a lucky lady.

On one of our “home days” last week, I showed the girls the new path. We left our cold shady house warmed by the fire, and trekked up the wide sunny path, stopping to check out the pink fungus I had discovered. We ended up at the “campsite” and had a picnic lunch in the warm sunlit grass. The girls were amazed to see the tent up and went straight in to pretend sleep. I fiddled and fixed a few tent poles while the girls played with tools and practiced banging in pegs with our new hammer. Jacinta found the rope and eventually we found ourselves roped together wandering around in search of a good tree for a rope swing. We didn’t get very far before they found magic beans and we had to stop and turn them into caterpillars. What we did discover was the best climbing tree on our land, by this point we had freed ourselves of the rope. It was one of those trees with thick, low, sprawling limbs, but tangled up in masses of dead branches from dead weedy trees. Jacinta, our big five year old, climbed out each large limb breaking through the branches, announcing how old she was to climb out and break the branches all by herself. We will return with work gloves and clippers next time, in hopes of uncovering a magnificent cubby house/climbing tree.

So Jacinta turned five, yes indeed. Matt and I spent weeks preparing for this milestone, gift making in the evenings. What an honor it has been to watch her grow. What a joy it was to have her at home with no plans or anyone else to please on her birthday. Jacinta woke up that morning, and excitedly came into our room. “Mommy, can I give Evie her gift now?” were the first words out of her mouth. She had made Genevieve a bracelet the day before, for “Little Sister Day.” Genevieve then ran to pull out her gift for Jacinta, a seashell coin purse, which made them both smile. A few minutes later the girls ran out to the living room and rejoiced at the sight of balloons. Matt started making pink pancakes right away while Jacinta eyed the room for surprises. First she found the special treasure box Matt had built for her, with little tiles inlaid on all sides. Next she found the doll house I had wood burned for she and Genevieve, and they dove into play right away. Later on she found her flower petal hat and pink pancakes on her plate.

It was a peaceful rainy birthday, polka dotted with gifts from loved ones all day long. Jacinta had plans for sun and plans for rain, so we followed the rain plan: go to the library, go to belly dancing class, see our friend Trish and have fish and chips for lunch. Just before another major downpour, we made it home for Evie to nap while Jacinta played and I began cooking for the “feast.” Crepes with ham and goat cheese and salad for dinner and apple pie for dessert. Matt and Mary both came home early to celebrate the day. And lucky for me, they pitched in to get it all ready. Lesson learned: there is a reason you let the cake cool before you stick in the birthday candles, and perhaps a reason you don’t serve hot apple pie for a birthday. Our five lovely handmade beeswax birthday candles almost melted before Jacinta blew them out! Mary and Keith gave Jacinta a new scooter for her birthday. The sweet thing is that she is of the age that she would never have asked for a scooter, or even thought of owning one, but just admired her friends’ scooters. She was surprised and delighted, just in awe for the evening. “I have a scooter like Rory now.”

Matt and I are proud of our Jacinta for so many reasons, but one is her lack of materialism. She will surely go through phases like we all do, but for now, our message has gone through. She is truly grateful for every material good she is given and expects very little, materially. I don’t think this comes from a belief that she is deprived, but because she lives in plenitude. She hasn’t yet learned to be dissatisfied with her lot. I suppose this will change as she gets into school and sees more media but for now, our own brainwashing has prevailed. We are all guilty of brainwashing, we are entitled to some brainwashing as parents. I’m sure we all assume our brand of brainwashing is the best.

Jacinta and Matt sat down to make birthday invitations for her party and Matt asked her if there was anything she would like to request her friends to bring for her birthday, besides toys and clothes. She liked the idea saying that she already had enough toys and didn’t want to have to get rid of any to make space for all the new ones. She asked her friends to each bring a candle. They all brought candles and now every breakfast and dinner she picks two different candles to burn at the table, one for her and one for Evie to watch and blow out at the end of the meal, remembering each friend through their candles. Of course, no five year old would come up with a crazy idea like requesting no toys for their birthday. Brainwashed? Yes, but happy enough? Yes.

The birthday party was exactly what she wanted, a dress up party with a fire, toasted marshmallows, cake and friends. Both girls helped me make an orange chocolate cake, it took longer than any cake I’ve made, but was well worth the effort. Jacinta made a beautiful fruit platter and helped me spice the apple juice and mulled wine. She and Genevieve nibbled while I cut up pineapple, veggies, tofu and meat for the kebabs which Matt cooked on the fire. We prepared all day until it was time to get in our costumes. Genevieve and I were butterflies, Matt a ladybug with big cardboard wings and Jacinta a white cockatoo. It was all very exciting, and then her friends showed up, even better. There were fairies, bats, superheroes, and children who didn’t like to dress up. But they all ran around and played into the night, in and out of the house without much fighting or exclusion. Highlights for the kids were freeze dancing to Irish music, a bat and moth game, a marshmallow hunt, glittering Jacinta’s room, cake and being out in the dark. Us adults all quite enjoyed ourselves too, having drinks and chatting near the fire, watching the children get along, running around and being kind to each other. Matt and I breathed a sigh of relief as we cleaned up the grand mess and took in the new era of our little girl. Five is a big number.

Jacinta tells every shopkeeper now that she had her birthday and she is five now. The next question is always, “Does that mean you are going to big school next year?” She proudly smiles and says yes. Her will grows stronger every day. We were in the car last week and she was singing a French song about a donkey. I joined in. Frustrated, she said, “Mommy, when you start singing a song with me, it changes it! I was trying to sing it differently.” My mom sent Jess some stories she read on a cd for her birthday. Both girls like to listen to the stories while they play, picking up on bits and pieces of each story, laughing and marveling at little phrases. In a book about birds Jacinta hears the word “mockingbird,” and smiles and talks about the mockingbird song. She hears the word “imitate.” “I know what that means mommy, imitate, it means to act like something else…Dangerous, I know what that big word means too. I know a lot of big words mommy.” The other day she told me that two 3s make 6. At preschool she listened to some girls boating that they could count to 10 and 15. She joined the boasting and said, “I can count to 100.” I don’t know that she really can, but she is surely showing signs of pride in possessing knowledge. This tells me that in late January when she walks into that big school in her blue uniform, she will probably be ready and will want to walk into her new world.

Genevieve will enter a new world too, a world with no little blond playmate at her side most days, but filled with other things that remain to be seen. We have been noticing Evie’s laziness on a bike and have encouraged everyone in the house to stop pushing her on the bike. So after a few days of this, she can now pedal her tricycle for the first time. It’s amazing how we can be trained into dependence, and how good it can feel to be liberated of this dependence. Evie quietly announced yesterday as she pedaled across the veranda for the first time, “I doing it!” amazed at herself. Today she pedaled around the whole duck pond with Matt while Jacinta zoomed around on her new scooter.

Luckily I thrive on change so I am not too worried by the thought that Jacinta’s days will soon be filled by other teachers most days of the year. I am trying to focus on the alone time that I will have with Genevieve, like the alone time I had with Jacinta before Genevieve came along. I am excited by the prospect of gardening with her more often. For now, she is my outdoor girl, thrives on the big sky, the open space, the dirt, the wetness. We can spend hours out there, working and playing. No matter how long we garden she always asks to stay out longer when I say it is time for lunch. She loves picking the few peas on the vines, planting seeds in pots, plopping little seedlings in the dirt, watering, and pouring stinky fertilizer on plants. She looked at a pot of beet seedlings that she planted two weeks ago and asked if she could plant her beets. I was just amazed that could identify the little seedlings, I just learned how to do that a few years ago.

Yesterday we transplanted at least fifty parsnip plants, a big pot of mustard, some pea plants, chicory, cabbage, Swiss chard, and chamomile. She picked which plants would go in each bed. While I weeded and prepared the bed, she picked nasturtium leaves and bit patterns into them with her teeth and fed them to me (very good for sore throats and colds). She hid from me in the kiwi vine and ate fennel. While I hilled potato plants she sat in the newly dug trench and called it her home. All the sudden we were cassowaries (huge Aussie birds) looking for food. As the trench grew we collected grubs and the trench became a road for the cassowaries to go to town. Today we planted more pea plants together and some more potatoes. She practiced her new skill on the stepping stones, hopping. She puts adventure and imagination into everything.

Often Genevieve wakes up grumpy, but after a little while she’s charged up to play the day away. The girls are starting to come up with imaginative games on their own now. One morning I saw them sitting on the rug near the fire facing each other, with the excitement of the day before them. Genevieve said excitedly, “What should we play now?” Jacinta came up with the idea and naturally Genevieve liked it. They love puzzles and dancing lately. Puzzling, Jacinta is quite gracious to her little sister, passing Genevieve each piece and telling her where it goes. Dancing, well, that takes tap shoes, special Irish music and a clean floor. We have been dancing along to Irish music, jumping and spinning for a little while now. We were looking for a dance class but found an Irish dancing show instead. “The Rhythms of Ireland,” started at 8pm but Matt and I really wanted to go and to take the girls. The excitement before the show and following have been as wonderful as the show itself. The girls were in awe of the dancers, especially the ladies and their different outfits for each song. Genevieve later revealed her thoughts on the men, “The boys were scary.” They were truly awesome, Matt and I just felt lucky that the dance act would come to a nearby beach town in the winter to dance.

More likely are the winter guests in our house once again, mice. What a nuisance they are. I wish they were ugly like rats so we wouldn’t feel bad killing them. Last night the rats just made their grand entrance, bringing on the true feeling of violation and intrusion. As I sit here warming myself near the lovely fire place I can hear the mice around the place, in the cupboards with the traps, in the musical instrument basket, near the garbage can. They are at least cute, unlike the rat cousins.

Speaking of creatures, we have a rooster now. Friends of ours brought this new beast over for Jacinta’s party. He is big and beautiful and crows like a good rooster should. He follows the hens around and announces every time they lay an egg. The hens are laying 3-4 eggs a day now, perhaps it is the return of sunshine or “Noisy Giant” being there to impress. There is young white hen named Yeek who is always the first to escape when we open the door in the mornings. She is a people loving chicken. she squats whenever Jacinta comes near her, waiting to be picked up. Jacinta has taken to calling her cuddles. This makes life with the chickens much more exciting, a chicken friend who wants cuddles.

Jacinta loves cuddles and tries to get more from Evie than Evie can take. It’s funny because we can’t get enough cuddles from our big girl because she is so focused on getting Genevieve cuddles. Genevieve will always give us cuddles because we are big people and will let her go when she asks. Every morning she looks for Matt for cuddles. This morning Matt was up at 5am for a conference call. He and Jacinta made pancakes and smoothies while Evie and I slept in. Eventually he laid down by the fire to catch a few winks and listen to the girls’ buzzing while they played and I cleaned. Every few minutes Evie would say, “Daddy… I sleep wit you?” After she got under the covers she would say, “Wake up! Wake up your eyes! Read me a story! I read you a story…” She would run and get a book, read a few pages to sleeping daddy then ask him to read her a story. He asked her to sing him some lullabies, but she needed a guitar. She got her “Kukulele” and sat on his head and played and sang. Jacinta thought this looked like fun, so she fetched her out of tune guitar too and sat down to sing. “Evie, you are sitting on daddy’s head. Move down. Let him sleep.” Evie explained that she was comfy and couldn’t move, his face was her pillow. Jacinta, seeking justice Jacinta continued to plead with Evie while Matt smiled under the covers. Eventually they played him a few songs and woke him up.

So life rolls on, new flowers budding while wilting petals fall off and rest peacefully in the dirt until they become soil. I wish you warmth, sweet solitude and giggles in the early morning.

Peace,
Shana

God Be With the Mother

Michael Leunig says,

 

God be with the mother. As she carried her child may she carry her soul. As her child was born, may she give birth and life and form to her own, higher truth. As she nourished and protected her child, may she nourish and protect her inner life and her independence. For her soul shall be her most painful birth, her most difficult child and the dearest sister to her other children. Amen.

 

It is good old comforting serendipity when you feel something strongly, and then you run across beautiful words written by someone else to describe what you needed to say or hear. It is like a welcome from the earth assuring you that everything thing is aligned beautifully just in case you hadn't noticed how amazing creation is. You will receive what you need. The earth is quite hospitable. I never feel right celebrating the bounty of the earth though, because my mind always turns to Sudan, Palestine, Iraq and places filled with suffering. I don't think evil was intentionally created, nor are certain people inherently evil. Fear, deprivation, exploited lands and an insatiable thirst for survival seem to make certain creatures of the earth less hospitable than others.

 

But the mother, the good mother earth, mothers of children, so giving, so hospitable, so warm and caring. No matter how abundant or scarce things are, mothers find a way to take a piece of themselves and nourish their young with it. But mothers lose energy when we give too much of ourselves and end up with half hearted generosity.  Often there is no time left to work on the soul, the inner life, the precious light within that keeps us burning strong. But this is true for most people leading busy lives (not just mothers) when we spend all of our time thinking about other things and other people. A few years ago, I used to wonder what the fascination with yoga was. Although I'm still not into yoga, it makes sense now. Development of the inner life, the soul, with no guilt or "shoulds" attached to it like many forms of religious prayer. Alone time with no goal of losing weight or creating something physically beautiful: a time for nothingness. A time to listen to the earth beating in your own heart. THIS is what I have come to realize I need, thereby justifying my desire to establish a girls hut on the other side of the dam. My girls are still young enough to be like little branches connected to the limb of a tree, mother being the limb. It seems strange but if I am away from the house, from visitors, from stuff, the girls can be with me and I can still nourish my inner life. It is easier alone, but more fun with them.

 

I have been searching for prayers to do with our girls, prayers with no trace of fear, guilt, redemption, or being saved. Prayers full of awe and wonder and beauty. I can't seem to come up with any on my own. At Ecofaith we sing and hear talk of God. But not so much at home. We noticed this last week when Genevieve asked if we were going to God's place, 45 minutes away in a park in Bellingen. Luckily Jacinta knew that God is everywhere and proceeded to sing about all the places God is for the next 10 minutes. My favorite was, "God is on the meat we eat." Matt and I both grew up with the traditional Original Sin version of Christianity, born and bred in guilt. Matt is quite happy with gardening being prayer and jumping in puddles being prayer.

 

But wordy me, I need some poetry, some ritual to help Genevieve see that God is not in a park 45 minutes away. Matt has MANY books of beautiful spiritual poetry and I dig through them often. We even have a book of prayers for children from different traditions around the world. But none seem right. Last week our friend Jane read a Leunig poem at the park where God is. AH hah! I had forgotten about Leunig. And voila, after the high and low search, I found a lovely little prayer we might try each night, right on the shelf.  

 

One of our favorite Leunig prayers,

 

"God help us to live slowly:

To move simply:

To walk softly:

To allow emptiness:

To let the heart create for us."

172 Freedom for my chickens

Bonsoir mes amis. A lot of English books use French expressions without any translation, and it makes me think, "wow, how do people know what they are talking about?" After some contemplation, I decide that it must be one of those French expressions that most Anglophones understand. Blah blah blah… I hope this letter finds you well and enjoying life, the spring, the sun and stars, or at least, trying to enjoy amidst strife.

 Our chickens enjoyed life today more than they have in a while. They are FREE range chickens, as of today. We had locked them up for many reasons, safety, keeping track of eggs, and to keep them from digging up the garden.  They have never laid very well anyway, and are only laying one egg a day lately. I am learning how to garden in the presence of large birds that scratch up any disturbed soil, namely turkeys. I figure that our chickens should enjoy the land too, rather than waiting around for us to throw them weeds and dig them grubs. Early this morning Matt carried Genevieve into the pen and accidentally let a chicken out. As I was hanging the clothes on the line I watched how happy and free the hen was. I remembered how nice it was to watch the chickens around the place in the day, to be near them and to see them doing what they do best, scratching for nourishment. So I let them all out. It took them a few minutes to seize their freedom, but it was heaven. No eggs today, but the hens went back to their roost to sleep, all but one hen. I can try and pretend that I care more about what the animals produce than the animals themselves, but I don't think that is me.

 Perhaps age wants me to toughen up, age, motherhood and life in the country. I like to play the part of a real farmer but I am FAR from it. When I can take a step away, I wonder whether this new harsh edge will make me happier or steal some of my joy. I suppose we are meant to lose some of our childish awe and joy as time goes by, but how much? Necessity toughens me up, for example, firewood. I ordered a truck load of firewood, which was delivered in massive chunks. Of course Matt would normally be out there chopping and stacking firewood, but this time he was stuck on the couch. Keith taught me the method to the madness in splitting wood. He is a very good teacher, patient, slow and incredibly encouraging. By the end I was able to split a big stump into ten good fire logs in a few minutes. I need to practice though. The girls are making a firewood cabin in the shed, complete with a bench and a door. I keep reminding them that eventually we will have to burn it all down. Jacinta understands the sad reality, but insists that the one piece of wood with the beautiful insect trail must move with her as the bench moves.

Instead of chopping firewood, Matt has been putting his energy into healing, going to work, resting, reading, doing lots of conference calls for the Creation Spirituality Education Program and playing with the girls. Our naturopath again worked wonders on him. Two days later, he was feeling more mobile than he had in two weeks and three visits to the osteopath. He is slowly moving back into normal life, doing lots of chores around the place and tickling the girls. The girls were very kind and gentle with him in his pain, knowing to ask him for stories and cuddles rather than a shoulder ride to the car. He discovered a wonderful children's musician, Dan Zanes, and plays music videos for the girls as they sit on his lap. A week later, he is now able to stand up, play the guitar and play those same songs for the girls and dance with them. The other morning Genevieve woke up in our bed, looked at Matt lying in bed smiling and started her day of chatter. In a sweet sleepy voice she whispered, "You happy Daddy?" He smiled even bigger with his eyes half closed and said, "yes." He is so thankful for his renewed mobility and ability to play and fully join the havoc of the household.

We are all really happy and grateful for Matt's renewed energy and health. Life seems so easy again with all of his help and happiness. Last Sunday was Mother's Day, a day when he wanted so badly to spoil me. I could see that his anguish was almost as much as his physical pain. He did a great job of spoiling me though. I woke up to a new cheminea on the veranda, which means we can now have safe outdoor fires more regularly. He helped Keith, the girls and I make a Mothers Day breakfast and we were off to Ecofaith following. The girls and I took our sweet time at the big fruit shop while he rested in the car. We finished our outing with a trip to a huge Recycled Goods Shop and found some treasures. Then he made purple pancakes with the girls for dinner, all while trying to heal, but feeling great pain. By this weekend he has healed so much that he took the girls to town for a few hours while I gardened and spent hours doing some light building for Jacinta's birthday, making her a musical jewelry box. Today we spent the day out at Ecofaith and then explored the magical rocky creek called "Never Never Creek" in "The Promise Land." He is still on the mend, but leaves for Sydney tomorrow on an airplane for his first week of official job training, what Genevieve calls "Daddy's toilet training."

As it turns out, that was three days ago and Matt has been in Sydney for a few days. The girls and I have been eating smoked fish, tofu and lots of rabbit food, Matt's least favorite dishes. Tonight's tofu was particularly good: ¼ inch slices baked in tamari, peanut and sesame oils and sesame seeds for 30 minutes. Life is pretty much the same, thanks to the rain. We had planned to kick off building our little "women's camp" out on the other side of the dam and camp out for a few nights. Instead we shopped for tarps, tools, tent pegs, ropes, and marshmallows, ready for the next sunny free day to begin. There is a lot of work to be done, but we are excited to try this out and prove it to ourselves that girls can build beautiful things, no matter how long it takes. I foresee a lot of time spent sitting in the high grass and exploring this year and watching the girls come up with imaginative games. But mainly, we are busy to-ing and fro-ing from preschool to playgroup to visits with friends to choir to markets. Our time out there is rare as in the garden. I am contemplating cutting out a few things, but we shall see. I avoid backing out on things when people rely on me.

I also seem to avoid finishing things that I have started. But lo and behold, I finished Jacinta's birthday hat! It was a complicated pattern but it will be ready for her birthday, two weeks away. It is winterizing time. I'd rather chop wood than clean, iron and re-hang the curtains, but after months of dread, I did it! (It's good that I can congratulate myself for doing such tasks, tasks which seem obligatory to others). We can now close the clean curtains for added warmth without disgust of last year's dirt. I bought used wool blankets weeks ago, intending to cut, punch in grommets and hang them over the girls' windows and some walls, as added insulation. Four down, one to go, another load off, almost off. Genevieve loves her wooly cave, asked the other day for "you put a wooly here too?" She thinks they are just for her playing pleasure.

The garden seems to be another place designed just for play these days. I love brewing compost tea/fertilizer, but they seem to be breeding mosquitoes. I have covered them though. I don't understand how the mosquitoes survive. I can fertilize, plant, transplant, weed and water all I want, but once the seedlings are in the ground, they stop growing. My winter garden frustration has returned, lack of sun, maybe. The lemons are tasty though. It is incredibly gratifying to pick a lemon from the garden and squeeze it on our fish, in our tea, and in our salads. We have sparse herbs, which are lovely to have out my front door. The lettuce goes slow but we have a few leaves each day for a tiny salad, pumped it up with herbs and other veggies and salad, voila. I made garden pesto the other day, basil and native spinach. It was so good, and made me smile every time the girls dipped into the jar to sneak a spoonful. We have learned to enjoy pesto without parmesan now that we have completely dropped cow dairy products (minus butter), I just add more nuts.

Keith and I drove out to a seed swap gathering in a magical place, one hour northwest of us. Such a great idea if you can get someone to organize this. Why not save your seeds, which are tried and true to your area and are collected in abundance, and share them with other gardeners? Taking a cash value off of seeds is a lovely feeling, it is yet another of nature's free gifts. It does take energy to collect and knowledge of how to do it, so I don't mind paying. But it feels so good to swap them. The generosity of this crowd was honestly shocking. Aleasa, a permaculture teacher who runs her own nursery, hosted the gathering. After we all swapped, she took out her entire seed stock and let us pot up anything we wanted to take home and grow. She mentioned that her seeds were viable. I wondered how that could be, that she could guarantee all her seeds were still good and would come up. I have so often bought seeds that list an expiration date. It is well within that date, and they NEVER come up. I assume it is my failure. Every one of Aleasa's seeds came up within 3-5 days, tiny flower seeds that I have tried over and over and failed from store-bought organic heirloom seeds. I guess this is what a viable seed is. As Keith and I were leaving an elderly lady from the gathering gave us her address and said she'd love to give us anything we wanted from her 25 year old garden, if we would just drop in for the day. Generosity, a beautiful trait I will keep trying to live up to.

In my limited experience thus far, I have found people from less materially endowed countries to be the most generous. In all my time visiting the Dossas, my Togolese friends, we have rushed off before the meals. They let us leave. My Senegalese family never allowed friends to leave just before dinner. They made them stay. I never want to impose, such a modern Western concept, because many of us would call unexpected guests for dinner as imposing. When I only prepare enough for four people, I get stuck on that number and feel bad cutting anyone out of their share. But for some Africans, this slightly diminished proportion is a small sacrifice to pay in order to keep one's dignity and offering hospitality. Last week, the girls and I visited the Dossas and stayed past 5pm. I specified that I had made dinner for Matt and would leave by 5:30 to go home for dinner. But Christine had been waiting for months to offer us the hospitality she could not give while pregnant and lacking energy and spirit. She insisted and said we must stay, we did. The girls played hard with the rowdy boys until dinner.

New baby Joseph is healthy and lovely to hold and true to form, is handed off instantly when I walk in the door. Everyone in the house is doing well since Joseph was born. No more gestational diabetes, no more fear of eating the wrong thing. The father found a way to get in home child care assistance which is working wonders for the children's English, homework and immersion into Australian culture. What a long way they have all come. How lucky the girls and I are to share in their lives. We enter another world each time we walk in the door, a vibrant household with a constant flow of unexpected visitors. Again we are showered with generosity to learn from.

The girls can learn many things from us, but not the amazing hospitality, generosity and willingness to stop busyness for guests. This week we went to drumming class, belly dancing class, and choir, all essential life lessons :) Both girls are learning to cook very well and understand the cycle of seed to plant to flower to seed and on and on. Jacinta cleaned her room all by herself with no guidance for the first time last week. It was awesome. It hasn't happened since though. There have been a lot of card making occasions the last few weeks, which she loves. Some mornings she wakes before we do and goes straight to work. "Mom, I am going to make Grandma Shari's Mothers Day card." Last week at pre-school she was so excited to make me a Mother's Day Card, she asked the question that every parent knows they will hear at some point, ""Mom, can you go now?" I burst with pride, kissed her goodbye and left, knowing that she had gained enough confidence to seek solitude.

Jacinta's imagination is blossoming, surely something we could never teach but heartily encourage. The other day she was playing on the floor with a bear and a blanket. She was talking and Genevieve asked her what she had said. Knowing it was funny to say this, she smirked and replied, "I am not talking to you, I am talking to me!" She is starting to understand humor on another level, and makes us laugh even more now.

Genevieve is on her 2 year old level of humor, and makes us laugh for very different reasons. Her words and facial expressions are highly entertaining. She rejoices hard and falls hard. Evie is an energetic little dancer, always ready to play with others. She was so excited the other day while dancing that she ran at me and bit my leg. Other times it is easier to back away and foresee the bite coming. Being "sent to her room" does calm her down eventually but changes nothing in her behavior. This is why both Jacinta and I sometimes wince if her face ever comes near our bodies. She is discriminating, and does not bite Matt, Mary or Keith. Genevieve is full of love, rage and will. She can't stand that Jacinta can pour her own rice milk or butter her own toast and she can't. She throws little tantrums all day long, impatient and frustrated at injustice. She packs her own morning tea in a backpack on Jacinta's preschool, carrying her little " pack pack" in and out of town when we drive Jacinta in. She tells everyone she is going to "Little Peeschool," which means life at home with me, getting one on one attention while we work on the house or in the garden, or playing near me while I get things done. She'd rather be playing with Poppy and sometimes I let her. It's a battle to convince her that I'm an okay option but I really treasure our time alone and love our "Little Peeschool" Days. 

One lesson I am proud the girls have learned is to take their time, look closely at things and move slow. This may come from their natural childish state of awe and wonder. Amidst all the things I keep telling myself I SHOULD be doing with them, this is one important lesson I feel is accomplished. It is easy to see the negative effects when we try to get somewhere on time. But for me, the positives surely outweigh the negatives. The other day we went to the pond to meet our friends for French class. No one showed up, as I guessed might happen given flu season. Instead we spotted a duck and sat down near her, by the water's edge. After a few minutes of close inspection Jacinta spotted a small tuft of yellow fur beneath the duck and called me over. "Mommy, I think there are ducklings under her!" Over the next few minutes of quiet attention, eleven ducklings snuck out and began to wander in the long grass. The mother duck wandered to another tree and most of the ducklings followed. Three were left behind so the girls gently shepherded them over to mom. Obviously the mother was trying to shake us, but we didn't get the hint. The girls continued to shepherd the trailing ducklings to their mother. After about 30 minutes the mother took them across the pond to a small island and struggled herself to get up a steep ledge. The ducklings could not get up the ledge very easily either. They tried over and over, in different spots, always getting up a few inches and falling on their backs in the water. One by one they made it up the bank, with no help from their mother. We talked about how different human parents are to this mother example, not in a pitying way just natural differences. After another 20 minutes, there was still one duckling left who had given up. We watched a black duck come and chat with the duckling. We sat squinting to see across the water, hoping she would help the baby.  But she swam away after a while. We then went on a lovely autumn walk around the pond, threw leaves around and played. We eventually went home for dinner, wishing the little lonely duck luck.

We talked about the duck in the days following. The girls went back to the pond a few times to look for the lonely duckling, once with Matt and once with me. But it is left a mystery. We like mystery, better than the truth sometimes. Like why do our ten chickens average 0-1 eggs per day? If I knew the answer I might have to work harder on them. Good thing I don't know why.

I wish you a lovely spring week, less rain than we are having and a bit of beautiful mystery.

Peace,

Shana

 

 

 

   

 

 

170 Playing docta

Hello there. I hear spring has sprung for you folk in my homeland. I am smiling as I contemplate the light green, the odor of wet beautiful dirt, hope and the bulb flowers popping their heads out of the dirt in your land. We had our first fire the other night. The wind has been blowing hard for the past few days and it is raining again. The ground is so wet that really, I shouldn't be messing with the soil for fear of compacting it all. But alas, I am not a trained gardener and will give anything a try if I have fifteen minutes to pop a few things into the ground.

 

The summer is clearly over, it is dark by the time we have dinner. We still have nice fruit in season though. If we only ate local fruit, our fruit salad these days would be kiwis and guavas from our garden (the kiwis are finally ripe after sitting in the fruit basket for over a month) and bananas from the fruit shop. Apples are in season a few hours drive from us so we are starting to enjoy the beauty of autumn apples. What does local mean? Good question, I suppose it is a spectrum of HOW local. Ideally, local food could mean anything grown in your town. Perhaps practically, local food might be anything grown within an hour or two hours driving radius from your house. If we ate only veggies from our garden, we would have cucumbers, green peppers, a few lettuce leaves, one cherry tomato, one leek, some rocket, garlic and warrigal greens every night. But we don't, we buy most veggies from the fruit shop. If we ate only eggs from our chickens (who don't lay well in the cooler days), we could share one or two eggs a day. If we were really dedicated to eating truly local and needed some more protein, we might eat one of the nuisance turkeys who dig up the garden. Instead we just buy local beef and local pork from the butcher. I hope to learn to grow a constant and better variety of veggies some day, and perhaps eat our chickens. We might have to invest in a rooster in that case.

 

For now, I am just experimenting when I get time, even starting to mow the lawn. This season I am trying out new ways of planting having as my major goal: leaving the soil structure intact. Most importantly I want to preserve the integrity, the life in the soil (worms, fungus, beneficial bacteria, minerals). Anytime the soil is uncovered or looks slightly tilled the turkeys dig it all up in search of worms and grubs and the rats dig up seeds. Introduced to me by my friend Martina almost ten years ago, no dig kind of gardening is much easier, just the addition of compost and liquid fertilizer to build up the fertility in the soil. I pulled out the old corn stalks in my bottom terrace, threw them on the compost heap and did not weed. With my large shovel, I jammed the tip in about 6-8 inches deep, pushed the shovel away from me, dropped in a handful of dried up chicken manure and a potato. I then pulled out the shovel, never taking out any dirt, leaving 13 potatoes underground, hopefully to sprout through the weeds in a while. I did the same with about 80 garlic cloves in the top terrace. I am interested to see how they grow in comparison to my previous efforts involving a lot more labor. I probably should have added some mulch and manure but any doctoring up attracts the turkeys. The girls and I have been weeding and planting peas everywhere in both gardens, and a few have actually come up in spite of too much rain. The fallow ground is diminishing as I find little blocks of time to transplant winter crops like broccoli into the ground. This comes at a good time, when Genevieve has learned to like broccoli.

 

Matt hacked down a large tree in the middle of the terrace garden with a machete the other day, while standing on a ladder. This does sound insane, yes, but we don't have a working chainsaw and he wanted to help me out. This endeavor made way for more sunshine on the plants and also created a third sturdy post to prop up our heavy kiwi vines. New stepping stones that we made together with our friend Emily will also inspire our garden this winter. We are hopeful for a productive garden. The girls hope to eat peas by the fistful, so we will continue to plant them every chance we get.

 

Our long awaited guests have come and gone, but what a lovely time we spent with them while they were in our midst. The Easter bunny didn't stay long enough to even sight him. Matt's sister Allison came and spent a few days with us for Easter which was so nice. Jacinta and Genevieve were thrilled to have their aunty here to play, as were we. They had a lovely time baking cookies together, and of course eating them. Jacinta proudly sat on Allison's lap through out the whole Peter Pan play, knowing it was a treat to be near her aunty. We went on a rainy day outing to Koala Park and strawberry picking.

 

Our friend Emily from Michigan stayed almost two weeks. Her loving, positive and energetic spirit inspired all of us. She had just finished her medical degree in osteopathy. She came to us after six weeks of medical work in Malawi, and a short stay in South Africa with stories and the desire for more adventure and exploration. We chatted late into the evenings, (giving me the chance to knit, listen and flap my gums), shared music and life. She played with the girls who were electrified by her energy. She worked on Matt, Keith, Mary and I, on all of our sore bones and even taught Matt and I how to help each other's knees (me) and back and shoulders (Matt). Her hands were magical. None of us had really had much experience with osteopathy, but after last week, I wish I had an MD who was also an osteopath like Emily. It seems to be one of the best options in the US, an MD who has knowledge and faith in natural remedies and deep tissue therapy. Not only did we have free medical care and great company, but also help with dishes, cooking and child care. Amazing. She slept on a hammock in our tiny abode for a few nights and didn't mind being awoken each morning by Genevieve looking for a playmate.

 

We packed more outings in the last two weeks than we usually have in two months. Matt took Emily and the girls to Coffs Harbour to visit the Big Banana and the ocean. They walked up and down a small island, Muttonbird Island, no small feat, but beautiful of course. We saw a wood chopping contest, a really funny version of Peter Pan put on by a local theatre group, and went to Bellingen for outdoor church both Sundays. Last Sunday Matt led Ecofaith for the first time while Jason was on vacation.

On Easter Sunday Matt sang his funny version of how the Jesus story can be connected to chocolate eggs. It was great, in between each serious historical verse, he had us all sing, "What about the Easter eggs? I really like Easter eggs! Where are the Easter eggs?" Only Matt could connect chocolate eggs to Jesus.

 

Easter was really nice.  The girls woke up extra early for breakfast and a few non-edible gifts from Matt and I, bulbs to plant and special stones. Soon, they found Easter bunny tracks leading to baskets in a few different places. Jacinta was so in love with the markers Pop and Grandma left in her basket and the one page to color in that she instantly went to work drawing and didn't look at anything else in her basket. There was chocolate to be consumed. While Genevieve began the demolition of her chocolate bilby, our task oriented Jacinta said she'd have chocolate after she had finished. Eventually we hopped down to the garden to find their wheat grass filled baskets, lots of chocolate, jelly beans and the hard boiled dyed eggs. It was quite a crowd of picture-taking admiring adults, Allison, Emily, Keith, Mary, Matt and I. The girls enjoyed the hunt, the chocolate, the company, and it wasn't raining! I hid their baskets over and over, until they ran out of steam and proceeded to have a very chocolatey day. They had a nice playful morning, followed by a long drive to church and another exciting chocolate Easter egg hunt. Emily and I took off on the canoe upon return to Macksville while Matt relaxed with the girls. It was the first time I canoed without the girls in our canoe and actually got to paddle hard. Mary cooked us all a nice dinner to wash away some of the chocolate. The only missing part of Easter was my family in the States. On Monday, we had the chance to connect with some of them on Skype and even talk to them on a web camera and even look at them! It was really weird, but amazing. My little niece in Indiana was baptized on Easter and we got to "see" her along with some more of my family.

 

After Easter Matt had to go back to work, so Emily and I decided to take the girls camping to the rainforest and see some waterfalls. Emily, like me, is a bit risky and loves a good challenge if beauty and excitement lie at the end of it. We took these girls to some gorgeous hidden corners, "Never Never Land" was our first real stop, a swimming hole on the Never Never River located in "The Promise Land" between Bellingen and Dorrigo. We played on big beautiful slippery rocks, walked through shallow pools, and climbed mossy trees, had a picnic and even saw a Peter Pan and Tinkerbell (or a couple we named as such). Emily was a great navigator, entertainer for the girls and after searching through tens of travel brochures, found a camping site for us. I love traveling in spontaneous company. En route we saw a few amazing waterfalls, and eventually made it to our destination. Dangar Falls was magnificent, and a great hike up and down to get a close up. Jacinta's legs have surely grown up and made the hike all on her own. After a nice dinner in town, we camped under the bright stars close enough to the waterfall that the splash lulled us to sleep. It was a wee bit chilly, but four girls squished in a little tent helped keep us warm. Although one shooting star after another tempted us to stay out stargazing all night, the chill in the air sent us in the tent to find a space in the big sleeping bag. We had such a nice time in Dorrigo that Genevieve has added "Dowigo" to her vocabulary. When asked what she did today, regardless of the truth, she says, "I went to Dowigo." When she packs her little bag and heads out the door, she is going to Dowigo.

 

I will close with a story about the girls' latest imaginative play. "Evie, do you want to play docta?" Evie replies, "Yeah, I be docta." Jacinta, disregarding her says, "Yeah, Ok, I'll be the docta, but first I am going to make some bandages." Paper, crayons, scissors and a few minutes later Jacinta has three new colored bandages. "Ok Evie, sit down. What hurts?" Evie replies, "My belly hehts." Jacinta instructs her to lay down. It takes a bit of encouragement. I peek in. Evie is on her back on the wooly rug while Jacinta adjusts her legs, looking calm and very involved. I leave them alone and in a few minutes come back in and Genevieve has the colorful bandages on her legs. Jacinta is hoisting her up on her lap, sitting in her doctor's armchair and giving her a big cuddle. Genevieve is actually accepting the cuddle (abnormal). They eventually switch places and Evie cures Jacinta's legs. I try to remain unseen and don't hear much. Today I asked Jacinta to tell my mom about their doctor game. She happily obliged and proceeded to tell mom about their illnesses. "We get bellyaches from eating too much chocolate."

 

Genevieve, who keeps good track of everyone's whereabouts will tell you that Allison is in Canberra, working, Daddy and Granma are in Kempsey, working, Popy is on hollyday and Emily is in America. We loved our busy home for the holidays and laughed a lot but now we are back to normal and this is pretty good too. With new inspiration and relaxation from our visitors, we are tired, filled with love and still ready to play, new and old games.

 

Hope you all had a nice "hollyday" too. Enjoy your spring, perhaps with a burst of new life and hope.

 

Peace,

Shana

 

 

 

 

 

 

169 New Life

Good evening my friends. I hope this letter flies over to you and finds you in springtime, in flower and in the sun. My sister told me of their spring snow in Wisconsin. I remember Easters in the snow, but there were always buds on the trees and green sprouting up out of the cold, damp earth to remind you of new life springing forth. Today was daylight savings for us, so we are “falling back” as Easter tells of new life. I still can’t wrap my head around celebrating Easter in the autumn. There is never a season of total dormancy here, there is new life in every season. But as we prepare for Easter, this holiday celebrating fertility, rebirth, renaissance, renewed hope, the deciduous trees are dropping their leaves and going to sleep. The sweet summer crops are dying off. The corn, tomatoes, squash, pumpkins, zucchini, melons, and berries who need more sunlight are making way for broccoli, spinach, peas, greens of all kinds and the lovely citrus fruits.

 

Lillypillies (bitter native berries with seeds) are in season. Harvesting them is really exciting as it involves climbing a massive tree and shaking it until the berries fall onto a sheet laying on the ground to catch them. Climbing higher in a tree than I’ve climbed in my life at age 31 was exhilarating, much better than the berries themselves. In addition to eating a lot of lillypillies, Jacinta scored a rope swing out of this experience. Genevieve got bored and whined for attention.

 

The garden is actually in quite a dormant state, mainly because I haven’t planted much. There is room for masses of plants, but I haven’t yet converted my attempt at a summer garden to an autumn/winter garden. The nice thing is that I am at peace with the fallow ground. The terrace I redid last month is still empty and the turkeys have dug up my attempt at neatness and a clear path. They are also curbing my attempt at growing salad greens right up at the house. If the girls ever learn a swear word, I will have to blame it on the turkeys, our lovely native pests. We are still eating corn, green peppers and masses of cucumbers from the garden. The rats get a lot of the corn, but when I remember to spray the cobs with clove oil and water, they leave it alone, until it rains.

 

Rain, rain, rain, yes, there is no shortage of this. We have just had our second major flood in a month. After much damage done to towns around us, the rivers have gone back down, but it is still raining. Schools were closed for a few days in some areas, people were evacuated, many couldn’t get to work or get home to their families. Children and teachers were stuck in schools and on school buses one night until 10pm. Violent winds knocked trees down, power lines, and hills crumbled. Matt was called out at midnight one night to help evacuate families in Urunga, to assist setting them up in temporary housing at the bowling club, fetching their prescription drugs from flooded houses. Cows and horses floated out to sea mooing.

 

We live on a hill and our bridges didn’t go under, so again, we just played at home, watched the rain and went to town when we needed something. Genevieve had a cold so we didn’t puddle jump as much as we like. But one day we went out with the neighbor girls and almost swam on the road between our dam and the river. I needed a reason to stay inside for a few days and cook and create in the kitchen. Thanks to this rain which hurt so many others, I got what my body needed. The girls and I got busy in the kitchen making gingerbread cookies, applesauce, chocolate, laundry soap, salsa, soap. We decorated baskets for Easter with ribbons and mended a few things. We planted wheat grass for the Easter baskets and I finally found some time to knit.

 

The girls always love playing with Grandma and Pop. They do a lot of drawing and painting together. Keith draws them beautiful pictures to color in. Genevieve sits for a few minutes and draws but moves onto new things quickly. Jacinta will sit there as long as she is allowed and creates intricate colorful designs to hang up on the walls. Last week at preschool she began a snail, filling in the spiral little by little with a new ray of color. Kids move pretty quick at preschool so she was asked to finish it at home. Jacinta needs to complete things, so different to myself. This beautiful snail was quite a prize for her after she finished. Jacinta prizes her artwork so much that she has a hard time giving it away. It is not uncommon that in her card making for someone else, she spends a long time, then wants to keep the original. She will then quickly make something else for the card. Anytime she makes something for Genevieve (who will probably destroy it), you know she is feeling very loving.

 

The girls’ games change all the time, what they can do together peacefully and what evokes major fights. This month the peaceful games have been building trains, building marbles towers, drawing and gluing, dolly play, the sandpit and cooking on our new “stove” in the orchard. I set up an old wooden frame on its side and we placed a few bowls and pots on top. It seems to rain almost every night so each day we go to the garden there is fresh rain water ready to cook up. All they need is sand from the pit, some herbs and flowers from the garden, spoons and cups. Blue food coloring added to the fun for a few days, turning the creations into blueberry flavored food. The girls climbed the apple tree together this week, Genevieve’s first solo climbing experience. It was very exciting. Watching the seeds sprout that we have planted in the little seedling hut is also something we can all enjoy. 

 

Although I tried somewhat to make the girls rough and tough, I enjoy quite a few arts which have the reputation of being typically feminine. I have girly girls who love mirrors, clothes and shopping, already. Evie packs a bag or the dolly pram and calls out as she leaves a room, “I’m going to town now, bye bye.” Jacinta takes a few real coins, picks up items from shelves in the house and pays me for them. As her coins are limited, she always requests the money be returned after the purchase. They both gaze in the mirror after each hair do. My oh my.

 

The games which erupt in screams all come from their will to possess.  Jacinta is quite benevolent sharing most everything, but there are certain things she is precious about and for these she pulls the “MINE” card. It’s understandable because Evie still destroys things, sucks things, and pees her pants, charming. Genevieve takes any venom and multiplies it by 10, so her “MINE” hurts your ears. Her most recent rebuttal is to whack Jacinta. She is two. “I am Evie. I am 2.” There is no doubt she is two, she is painfully possessive at the moment. If anyone touches anything that she has ever touched, she nastily reminds you that it is hers. Most times, it is not, she just wishes it were.

 

She fights a hard fight, but Genevieve makes us laugh a lot too. One of her latest anthems is, “Fruit makes you TOOT! Fruuuiiit makes you ….POOP!” waiting for us to respond with laughter. Jacinta and I often have to confer and ask one another, did she just say…?” She cracks us up and she knows it. Genevieve is saddened by Jacinta’s absence on pre-school days and comments through out the day. “Cinta kwying, no like pee school. Cinta will be happy at home.” Then she’ll ask me, “Mommy why I no go to peeschool? You give me cuddle and say goodbye?” When we leave Jacinta in a good mood at pre-school Genevieve exclaims, “Cinta no kwying!” When I wake Evie to go fetch Jacinta at preschool, in her stupor she says, “Jacinta will be happy.” She knows that every time we pick her big sister up, she is in a good mood and has enjoyed herself. The other day we found an overly exuberant Jacinta at pre-school, thrilled about the new songs and games they had played and about shaking a pretend gorilla’s hand. Jacinta’s friend tried to pick Genevieve up. In a loud strong voice Evie said, “Lily don’t pick me up! I big girl now!” She doesn’t mean to make us laugh all the time, but hearing her string all those words together and say so much is just funny coming out of her tiny little body.

 

Songs are constantly pulsing through both girls most of the day long: French songs, pre-school songs, dancing songs, lullabies, daddy songs, poppy songs, nursery rhymes, funny songs, and choir songs. Evie has had one song from the Down from the Mountain soundtrack stuck in her head for over a month, “In the Highways In the Hedges.” Jacinta is just about over it. Keith has it on a Dvd and doesn’t mind playing the three little girls singing as nasally as possible over and over, sometimes four times in a row. They stand next to each other as if they are on stage and sing this gospel song just as nasally as the Peasall sisters. Genevieve loudly sings it out on the town, in the fruit shop, at the butcher, “I’ll be somewhere searching for my Lord.” I try to quiet her down but the shop owners encourage her.

 

Last weekend our choir sang at a community show Friday and Saturday night. This was going to be Jacinta’s first time on a stage, singing the whole set with us. Friday night I led the choir and Jacinta tentatively stood in front of me, held my hands and sang. I had overdressed her, so after a song or two the stage lights overheated her and needed some care, while I was conducting and singing.  “I’m hot mommy.” Ignored a few times, she became more insistent. In between songs she asked loudly if she could take off her dress. At this point she went down to see Matt, who was keeping Genevieve off the stage. He had come directly from work/flood relief to help with the girls while I led the choir. Then Genevieve escaped and boldly approached the stage and raised her arms to be picked up and join us. My friend Trish happily obliged. Matt said that when Evie looked out and saw the bright lights and the audience, her eyes lit up saying, “Oh yes, this is the life!” Both evenings were lovely, the girls loved watching the junior high girls and loved the attention they were given for being so little and cute. Their favorite act was the jump roping act put on by the “big girls.” The second night Mary and Keith brought the girls and kept them happy. This night Jacinta chose a cool outfit to wear and was then able to sing the whole set. I was quietly so proud of her, knowing all the words to these songs in Shona, Galithian French, Zulu, and Latin. I try not to outdo her own pride with my joy for her accompishments. It was also Jacinta’s first time holding her own part when I strayed off to sing a solo. We all enjoyed the show, even the cheesy Aussie sing along songs. My favorite act might have been the belly dancers, I always love watching older women with real bellies find freedom and beauty in dance. We don’t dance often enough in Western society. 

 

We have been keeping very busy on the weekends. One Sunday I took the girls to a Harmony Day festival and watched the Coffs Harbor international population put on a show, alongside Aussie culture, both indigenous and non-indigenous. I was surprised by the diversity represented in a small coastal city and just felt so lucky. Different languages, cultures, dances, songs, foods, only 45 minutes from Macksville! A little shot of color and adrenaline flowed through my veins that day. Other weekend activities have included our Autumn Equinox party, an environmental film and discussion night at a café organized by our group of friends, local markets, tree fairs and visits with friends. Besides hanging out with his little girls, Matt has been busy building cabinets and shelving for the bathroom. He is also using up some creative energy on creating a new web-based education model for Creation Spirituality.

Both of us have been digging into the Easter season, trying to figure out how to celebrate it deeply and beautifully with the girls, in autumn. I am looking for songs and poems that lend themselves to rebirth and fertility in autumn in Australia, this is almost fruitless. So much literature is written for the Northern Hemisphere, thus an autumn with true chill and apples and an Easter with tulips and trees coming back to green life. The girls are still too young to know that Jesus was killed off by mean people, so they can’t yet know that Easter is a day when he rises from the dead. So what is left of the Christian story for small children? Bunnies, eggs and chocolate I suppose. Matt is trying to write a story for them for Easter. I have planted wheat grass with them, which I must say is growing quite amazingly and will make a beautiful bed in their Easter baskets. The Easter bunny will give them bulbs to plant, beautiful stones to hold and jellybeans, to pass on a bit of my childhood. We will surely dye some eggs this week. Matt is taking care of the chocolate for us all.

 

If  Easter is about new life, then we should be set, given the fertility of our friends. Since I last wrote, three healthy babies have been born to good friends of ours, two different couples in the USA, and my Togolese friends here just had their little boy yesterday. Just this week two couples of Aussie friends announced their pregnancies. So here’s to Easter, to new life.

 

Our friend Emily from the USA will be here soon to celebrate the season, as will Matt’s sister Allison from Canberra. Jacinta just started counting the days until our guests Emily and Allison arrive, but even more exciting for her, the guest with long white ears and a stash of sweets. Matt and I are just hoping Emily makes it here safely and with less drama than the last few days of trying to get a visa to travel from Johannesburg to Sydney. My naturopath Belinda gave me a few simple tips that will take years to sink in and perhaps heal little wounds and obsessions of the past. To new life and lasting peace.

 

I wish you all a lovely Easter, Passover, a refreshing springtime, or a big, bold renaissance, whatever you choose to celebrate.

 

Peace,

Shana

Long legs and blue hair

Hello there. The peace of the evening surrounds me. Three little flames dance in the candle beside me. Music fills my ears; vocal harmony balances me in a way that nothing else can. I have decided to write a journal every other week, based on my own need for discipline and the difficulty of remembering events and feelings over four weeks time.

We all need discipline, as adults we can form our own disciplines. Children need us to give them boundaries within which they can learn. Jacinta knows and follows the lines, but sometimes needs to be reminded where she stands, just in case we loosen up a bit. Genevieve continually seeks to determine these lines. She doesn’t see the line as a limit, more as a suggestion. She has started to verbalize her decision to cross a boundary. I took a balloon inside to prevent the grass from popping it and explained my action. Evie whined a bit, “why??? WHY???” She disliked my response and after some contemplation said very firmly, “I be naughty.” She went inside to fetch the balloon and brought it outside and gave me the look. I laugh now, but at that moment, of course I had to respond seriously. As I have said before, Genevieve’s will to experience is much stronger than her will to please.

Jacinta’s friend Lily has the same strong will to do, knowing full well the trouble she will bring upon herself. The other night Lily and her two brothers stayed and played late into the evening while their parents and Matt and I caught up. They played like angels, never fought, continually coming up with imaginative games and activities and cleaning up their messes (when reminded to do so). They played dress up and twirled in their costumes to Hannukah tunes (the official dancing music for all dancing the girls do). They drew big pictures together and truly enjoyed each others’ company. I was amazed that no dramas arose. Then it was clean up time and I found clumps of blond hair on the floor. It turns out that Lily had cut off a chunk of Genevieve’s hair earlier in the evening. Bummer, Evie’s first haircut done by a four year old who innocently explained her action, “Genevieve’s hair was getting too long.” Although I am a little angry, I know this is quite common. My mom tells me that I too had my hair chopped by a two-year old friend.

Since that night the girls have discovered the art of dress up. Jacinta loves to try on new things and help Genevieve dress up. Genevieve never alters her wardrobe though. She wears a purple kimono, a purple feather boa, purple fairy wings and tops it off with a hideous long haired blue wig, every time. Both girls love to gaze at their funny appearance in the mirror but even more, dancing to number one on the Hannukah CD.

Another shared love the girls have now is ice cream making. They do this with upturned bikes on the veranda, turning the pedals with their hands to churn the ice cream into the cup below. My sister and I used to do this as children. Is this a common practice? It’s funny how much of your upbringing you deem as normal and then learn that you were strange and are passing that beautiful strangeness onto your children.

As Jacinta’s legs sprout into long little stick legs and her baby belly thins out, she is getting speedy on her bike, dangerously so on the veranda. She rode to town on her bike with training wheels last week, once with Matt and once with me. We worried about the hill, but she rode slowly behind the stroller as I pushed Evie and made it down safely. The ride to town is no small trip for a little girl. I am amazed at Jacinta’s stamina on some days compared to her lack of it on other days. She always has the energy to lull Genevieve to sleep, every day she is home now. Jacinta now sleeps down in Evie’s bed with her every night. She says it’s because winter is coming and she wants to stay warm. They may bite and kick each other some days, but they always find space for their sisterly love to grow.

Growing older and being a mother I am learning to accept my inability to please everyone and everything. I am often “the meanie,” if there must be one and I am okay with this. We all try to make the girls obey but I am simply around the most, so enforce the most rules and hold to the rhythms of the day. Lately I have been making a concerted effort to stop doing things and lie down to tickle, cuddle and laugh with the girls. It makes a world of difference. It’s sad that I had relegated that role to Matt since he seemed more of a natural at it. Now we share the tickling job and Jacinta and Genevieve smile more. Saturday and Tuesday are our only days with no outings. Given the choice to go to dance class yesterday, Jacinta chose relaxing at home. She relishes peaceful days with no agenda: a good lesson for me.

Matt loves days at home but they are few and far between, as is the nature of earning a living. Work is fine, he will be training for quite a while and learning new procedures. For most community service interactions there must be two people to ensure safety and also to write down all that is said by the clients and workers. So he is serving as the back up person on a lot of outings. What he learns is sad, yes, but certainly not unexpected. Our shire (county) has the highest rate of children being removed from their parents in New South Wales. He treasures his stable family, easy love, and time off even more now. Last weekend he mounted a beautiful little nature display table in our main living room. The girls and I had no problem covering it in treasures from outside and precious stones. This was the perfect place to put Genevieve’s beautiful blond curls and get over my annoyance. I cooked sea scallops in the shell for the first time last week. We were able to use the shells as decoration on the nature table. It is the perfect motivation for treasure collection on walks or gardening.

Matt’s newest project is bathroom renovation. We spent last weekend emptying out the bathroom storage shelves into our newly built outdoor shed. Matt took down the shelves and moved the toilet. Now he is reconfiguring the plumbing in order to move the sink and condense the bathroom. The goal here is to decrease the size of the bathroom and increase the size of the living room. Eventually he will relocate the wall and build in cabinets and drawers. This could be tricky without much time on his hands, but he never ceases to amaze me.

My latest project is fixing up the terrace garden. When you build garden terraces out of wood, naturally there is a lot of upkeep as the wood decomposes. It has been almost three years since it was created so now is the time. The weeds had crept in to stay, the path had risen by four inches due to soil run off and the walls had rotted in my top terrace. I spent about five hours this weekend fixing this problem and actually did it properly. Typically I do things half ass (unfortunate expression, excuse me), but this time I did it well, with shade cloth and everything. An added bonus was the piles of grubs (worms) I dug up for the chickens.

We now have ten chickens. Last weekend bought three young hens who are not yet laying eggs. They joined the five large hens and two bantam hens, entering at the bottom of the pecking order. They took the bullying for a few days, the bantam hens dishing it out too, just grateful to no longer reside at the bottom of the heap. They huddled in a corner for a few days, not even brave enough to sleep on the roost. But after a week, I am proud to say, they have made it to the roost. The snake must have smelled new chooks because he visited shortly after. Luckily the chickens clucked enough to get Matt and I out there to scare off the snake. He was determined though. Wish them luck. We are getting about three or four eggs a day now. Jacinta and Genevieve are thrilled that a bantam hen has started to lay and they get to eat baby eggs. They love their eggs for breakfast and love it when daddy cooks them.

Last Friday morning Matt made his traditional breakfast for the girls, toast fingers and soft boiled eggs. I left the house at 6am to attend a breakfast held by Zonta for International Women’s Day/Week. I was invited to speak/introduce other speakers because of my relationship with the Togolese family. It was an inspiring event to hear from interesting women: from highly educated African refugees to perky sixteen year olds with plans to uplift young girls’ body image. For a little while I got a lift for being recognized for my womanhood outside of motherhood. But then I came back to the ground and remembered why I chose to move across the world to live on land and raise our children, in search my role in a strong local community. Following the breakfast I had an even better morning with my Togolese friend Christine and her son while Matt and then Keith took care of our girls. I asked Christine to stop referring to me as a volunteer and just call me her friend. I think she will soon.

Christine and two friends of mine in the US are due to give birth in the next month. I watch her belly grow and think of my friends Maggie and Adriann and their growing bellies. I think of their drastically different lives and the lives their children will lead. The world is so big. They will all find their own forms of truth and beauty.

It has been a long while since we have had a community with whom we can share Matt’s music, at least here in Australia. Now each Sunday we drive 45 minutes each way to what we call “church or Ecofaith.” It varies each week, but now that Matt has joined we sing a few of his little songs. We sing a round called God is In All Things.
It goes round and round, the other line saying that All Things Are in God. The girls now hum this unconsciously throughout the day. The other song that’s stuck in their heads is “Though there may be many wells, there’s just one river.” I love this concept referring to God being One, and different people around the world all having different wells from which they access the Divine.

Of course there are many ways to experience divinity, beauty beyond comprehension, awe, intricate little webs in creation. I made bread last week and found divinity in the rising dough, in my little girls’ eyes as they rolled out their own bread and in their murmurs as they cuddled in the night. I strapped Evie on my back and dragged the kayak down to the river and found beauty beyond comprehension in the high tide and the crabs hiding in the mangroves. Matt and I lay awake in bed in awe a few nights ago watching a spider spin its web by the light of the moon. I am learning to let go of pleasing everyone in my life, but clinging to beauty that fills me with awe and love.

Peace my loved ones. I wish you a week full of awe and love.
Shana

Smiles of pride and joy

Good evening. Here I am again after a month with too much to say. My friend Carrie told me as kindly as possible that she does not like the new monthly journal. She said she would rather be put on a short list and receive weekly journals. She suggested I do a survey of my faithful readers and see who prefers weekly to monthly letters. So please drop me a line and let me know which you prefer. A few of you have asked what I endeavor to write. I am working, slowly, on a few intertwining stories inspired by women and men I have known in Senegal, France, Honduras, Australia and the USA, all dancing around the theme of community, the search for community and its absence and presence in our lives.

At the moment Matt and I are feeling pretty held in this sense. Work, playgroup, French class, choir, preschool, friends, Matt’s mum and Keith, our little town with shopkeepers who know our names, local festivals, markets. We have found a spiritual community where we go every Sunday morning, a church, called Eco-faith. It is Christian, recognizing God’s presence in the land and animals and before Jesus came along. Our pastor wrote a book called the God of Evolution. It is outside under shady trees, near a creek where the children can listen or play. You can imagine we are pretty happy after almost four years with no church. We met our new neighbors when a stray dog showed up and stayed all day, a lovely dog. After calling the dog pound, his owner turned out to be a lovely lady who I knew from the markets, a neighbor two doors up the road with two little daughters, ages 2 and almost 4. As you can imagine, being out of town, we’re thrilled and shocked to have little girl neighbors and a young couple who seem really cool.

In addition to this new joy, we are also feeling lucky to have been left unscathed by fires and floods. It rained like crazy last week and our valley was greatly damaged by floods. People lost cows, chickens, crops, houses, cars and more. Kempsey, the town where Matt and Mary work was flooded, the streets and everything. Matt was actually sent home before noon one day. In his work with community services he packed boxes, took phone calls for emergencies and set up helicopter drops for people who were flooded in. A friend of mine, her father tried to save his cows and drove his tractor out to save a few. He got stuck out on the flat and almost drowned in the flood waters, stopped only when he floated into a fence and held on. He lost all of his cattle. Matt visited a man who was living in a trailer on low land, squatting though. Everything he owned floated out the door and was either ruined or floated away. So fire and water, they can really help us and really hurt us. We were not hurt.

Our dam is very full, as is our water tank. Keith and Matt went out in the dark one of the rainy nights and dug a long trench to direct the water down our hill and divert it from the house. This was successful. Our chickens were very wet and stopped laying, water was getting in their pen. I suppose their rainforest origins have been bred out of them. Even though they should be tougher, I really wanted to fix up their pen so they would be happier and lay eggs again. So I climbed up on top of the pen in the pouring rain while the girls watched from the window. Keith passed up fiberglass roofing and a few boards to hold the sheets on. The chickens said thank you with a few eggs. Although the floods caused a lot of suffering, we enjoyed puddle jumping with the girls, just in awe of nature’s power to change. The paddocks on the flat looked like dams. The river nearby came within feet of our dam when the tide came in. The cows all searched for higher ground. Half of our neighbor’s cows were blocked off from his land by the flood waters as their bridge was under a couple of feet of water. Whole colonies of insects were wiped out. Crickets clung to blades of grass, hopelessly trying to hop across newly formed ponds. Beetles crowded around each other desperately paddling to find land. But we galloped down the path, did cartwheels in puddles, splashed ourselves silly and jumped in newly formed ponds. I rejoiced in easy weeding days after the flood. It doesn’t seem fair.

The garden didn’t suffer from the floods, au contraire. The kidney beans that I thought would rot in the ground, all sprouted beautifully after the flood. Lettuce and spinach seedlings I had planted in pots all came up, when logic prepared me for their floating away. I finished the second house garden, sweated more than I have in a while removing, weeding and replacing the rock wall and breaking up the weedy soil. There is not much to eat in the garden besides cucumber, basil, a few tiny peppers, a few beans, and native spinach, “warrigal greens.” The tomatoes have finished, and the rats get every bit of corn just before it is ripe enough to pick. The kiwis still sit on the vine, just as big a beautiful as they have been for the past few months. They take a long time to ripen up. The weeds are growing really well, they loved the rain. There haven’t been any strawberries all month, but Evie spotted two yesterday. The girls and I have been harvesting potatoes from the top terrace and digging grubs (fat white worms) for the chickens and as I weed. The chickens lay more eggs on those days (:

Jacinta and Genevieve need a lot of convincing to go down to the garden. I never make them work, we find fun games for them to play. Eventually they move into their own creative space and make up funny games together. After an hour or so, Jacinta usually comes up with her own idea on what she wants to harvest, plant or climb. Genevieve clings to the sand pit. She has a hard time on her own, but will play near Jacinta for a long while. Nonetheless, they both put up an initial fuss every time because they would rather play with Poppy. It kills me, because every time they come down, they have fun. They learn lessons from snails, birds, clouds and worms. Yet they still whine and complain as much the next time because they’d rather be entertained inside, away from the bugs, dirt and fresh air.

The girls like to be the center of attention, many children do. But kids must learn this important lesson, the world does not revolve around them. Our girls are slower to learn this than all of their friends as there are so many adults in our home. In the garden I try to do other things. When Jacinta is around, Genevieve can do things on her own. But when she is alone with me, she wants me next to her doing what she wants done. She has become very demanding and very verbal. Her verbosity is sometimes cute and funny, but I resist the urge to oblige knowing what she will become. After she has had enough of me not giving her my all, she starts to whine for Poppy. I try to encourage her in her play and garden close by, but it doesn’t work. Being a second child, she is used to company. The other day after a short hour in the garden with Genevieve, I took her out on the kayak on our enlarged dam. She loved that, sitting in my lap, reaching out to touch the lily pads, laying back and gazing at the clouds, singing and even jumping in and out of the kayak to get wet. Luckily I am letting go of my agenda in the garden when I am with the girls. I merely hope to spend time with them in the garden and gaze at everything growing.

Another reason I am feeling so “held” is my naturopath. I went in for a skin problem, which is called psoriasis. I have been applying a honey remedy and have almost cut out caffeine, alcohol and refined sugar. In searching for a stronger remedy for my skin problem, which is hereditary, she dug deeper to find a constitutional treatment for me. This meant asking me hundreds of funny questions about my body’s idiosyncrasies. My hot and cold feet, my cold pinkies, my moles, the extra skin on my toes, the extra skin cells on my legs, my thick head of hair, my tendency to sweat at night but not in the day, that I sucked on my hair as a child, that I never stop moving, that I am more of a doer than a thinker, that I dislike neediness, they all come together in a book somewhere to describe someone of my body type. This is shocking to me. I know there is order in the universe, but that there is a name for my constitution (sanicular aqua) and this particular treatment comes from water in Ottawa, Illinois, not too far from where I grew up! This is grand order in the universe. My Australian naturopath flipped pages following paths to different constitutions for 90 minutes and ended up on water from Illinois. I’m sure it sounds crazy that water from Illinois is going to help me with my skin, but it is not that simple. She connected my body’s tendency to overproduce cells, hair, and skin to my family history of cancer. Like a mathematician proving a new formula, Belinda was thrilled at the discovery of my constitution. She wants to help me clear my slate and hopefully ward off some of my leaning toward cancer. I won’t defend naturopathy or explain how exactly we are treating my skin, I just wanted to share my amazement at a healer’s wisdom and the whole practice of naturopathy.

One thing my naturopath pointed out given my constitution was that I would have touchy children, very true. I think she could know this because your children mimic parts of your constitution until they grow into their own. She pointed out that I toss out what I deem appropriate and expect people to take it and be happy, not in need of more. She also brought me to realize that I never rest. All this creates a recipe for children who need more cuddles, and a me who needs to relax more often. So whether or not one believes in constitutional treatments, it’s wonderful to have a healer who gives me a little bottle of homeopathic drops that might help my skin and tells me to relax, cuddle my children more, and to let them need me.

As I consciously slow down, Jacinta is more at peace every day. We set up the computer in the girls’ bedroom the other day and watched family movies while I sharpened pencils. We had no agenda, no where to rush to, just relaxing inside where they love to be. Jacinta listened to her words as a 2 ½ year old and asked how old she was. Astounded she replied, “Evie says this and she’s not even two yet!” It’s funny because Evie watches Jacinta as a baby and says, “Awhhhh, that’s Evie.” Jacinta quickly replies, “No! That’s me! You weren’t even born yet!”

Jacinta loves alone time with Genevieve, knowing that I will not interrupt. She has started volunteering to put Genevieve down for a nap. She has done it three times now. She reads her little sister stories, and has her lay down in the bed. Evie whimpers a bit, no doubt. She sings her lullabies, strumming a few chords on her ukulele followed by a few lines of the lullabies I sing to her. Sometimes Jacinta gets so into the song she sings opera style at the top of her lungs, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I have to stop what I am doing at this point and stand by the door, muffling my giggles. Once I heard Evie say, “I peed.” So Jacinta kept on singing “Fais dodo,” while changing Evie’s nappy. She had never done it before. It took her so long that Genevieve fell asleep mid-diaper change. I have peaked a few times, and it is divine. Sometimes it takes a long time, but Jacinta hangs on, sometimes beautifully singing threats, “If you don’t go to sleep now, I’m going to leave.” But she hasn’t yet given up and each time she comes out of the room leaving her sleeping little sister behind, she is bubbling with pride.

Jacinta is gaining confidence in so many things at the moment. She can play alone, very happily, even surrounded by friends. This is probably just my own learning to be proud of her for this, rather than thinking she needs to be constantly in the midst of everyone. Jacinta will sit down and look at books on her own now. The other day I opened up a children’s nature dictionary for her. She found a page on digestion and traced the path from mouth to bottom, very interested to see the path the food travels and where the poo comes out. She can manipulate the CD player enough to start the Hannukah CD and dance. She can stop the music to run to her room and put on a dancing dress. Both girls love the way the skirts twirl and thus, will not dance in shorts or pants. (This is not always cute, sometimes quite limiting). Jacinta is back in swimming lessons and is also gaining confidence. She used to tell me to move closer to her and then she would swim. Now she tells me, “Move back mum!” and dives from sitting and swims under water to me. Last night we had a sleepover at some friends’ house. Jacinta happily slept in her friend Isabella’s room after telling Izzy stories for bedtime. In the morning we went to the beach and played in the waves for over an hour. She was knocked under a small wave and recovered, still wanting to keep going. Jacinta grew comfortable enough in the waves that she stayed in with her friends when I got out of the water. Her smile of self discovery, pride in knowing she has learned something new is one of her most genuine smiles.

Genevieve will jump too, no qualms, but stays above water and kicks with her arm band floaties. Although she doesn’t take lessons, Evie sings about Cheryl the swimming teacher. She sings about everything and everyone. When she wants to play trains, she asks if we want to build, “Freight train go so fast?” I led a vocal and rhythm workshop at a small art festival for children last weekend and Genevieve just loved the idea of a little people choir. We sang warm ups, rounds, did handclappy songs and one with rhythm sticks and finished with Freight Train. Genevieve now sings the freight train song and picks new cities to visit with each verse, most often going to America. She and Jacinta love singing along with Keith’s DVD of Down from the Mountain. There are three little girls singing in harmony, “In the highways, in the hedges..” They can’t get enough of the Peasall sisters. Matt took the girls on a big walk in and out of town tonight. He said Evie sang vocal warm ups the whole way, going up and down the scales with every word she saw, “Lochlan’s house, Lochlan’s house, Lochlan’s house…” She is hardly silent, only when she concentrates.

Her favorite game is shopping, she packs bags and boxes and then asks you, “What do joo want?” Playing tea party or in the bath she asks, “What would joo like?” She needs a direct response to every question, or she will repeat the question over and over, never getting annoyed at your lack of response. Lately she has been asking me out of the blue, “Where are joo from?” She nods knowingly and says, “Senegal?” Every time I answer her and tell her I am from America. She says with the same enthusiasm each time, “Ohhhh!” She loves the assurance in being told the same thing over and over. I think this is also why she must test boundaries. In addition to her verbal growth, she is also trying out biting and hitting, with a look in her eye that says it all. I do send her to her room. It feels so funny seeing this tiny girl grumpily plodding off to her bedroom saying, “I naughty, I go to my room.” We stopped using the word naughty a while back because she calls herself naughty all the time and we don’t want her to convince herself that she is naughty. She and Jacinta keep it up though.

Our baby is two now, we celebrated Genevieve and Matt’s birthdays on Thursday. There was a grand lead up to the big day, counting the days left, making gifts, cards and wrapping them all in pretty cloths. Matt spent lots of time and love making Genevieve a music/jewelry box that plays Waltzing Matilda. Jacinta made necklaces and I made bracelets to fill the box. Genevieve had a hard time sleeping the eve of her birthday, she annoyed me but Matt took her on and laughed with her in her wakeful delirium. I stayed up very late that night finishing things up. The day arrived and Jacinta sprang out of bed to hide the presents. Genevieve loved her jewelry, her new music box, her ribbon dancing stick and her little dustpan, but most of all, the balloons. Matt tried out his new milk frother and had a nice coffee before he set off to work. We had a lovely morning celebrating at playgroup and came home to quickly clean the house and cook. I was utterly unprepared but Keith helped me out as did Mary and my friends upon arrival. Matt joined the party after work. I actually gave up hostessing and sat down and enjoyed. The children ran around outside and played dolls (even the boys) in the girls’ room. It’s funny to see a three year old boy with a lion in his shirt say, “I’m pregnant.” Genevieve mainly followed Keith around, leaving the children to play without the party girl. They all seemed to be having fun, the boys went off with tools to the woodchip pile. The girls ran from here to there, see saw, swing set, playing with seed. Our new neighbor Zach painted all of the kids’ faces, intricate designs. We made ribbon dancing sticks for all the kids as party favors. They seemed to enjoy twirling their ribbons and somehow, they didn’t hit each other with their sticks. It was a lovely evening and Evie and Matt are both a year older.

Matt’s mum was beaming to see her son and granddaughter celebrate on their birthdays. I can’t imagine how special that would be to birth your child and see them birth their child on that same day thirty some years later. It’s special enough for me just to picture my children at birth, and remember their beautiful birthing days, the joy, pain and relief of it all.

Hope you had a lovely February. I wish you warmth as you come into spring.
We are easing into autumn and look forward to shorter cooler days. Take care 

Peace,
Shana