eeeew...booger

Hello there. The girls have been asleep since 6:30, it has been a wonderfully busy and tiring week. Matt did the dishes after playing the girls to sleep with his guitar. I have been relaxing for over ninety minutes. I can feel my heart rate slowing down with every additional minute of silence. I don’t mean to make myself a martyr, poor me needing alone time. I have it relatively easy as a mother with so much help from Matt, Keith, Mary and good friends. But I (and many women) have this tendency to think (and worry) about everyone within yelling distance until they go to sleep. I can easily drop that concern as soon as they leave my vicinity and are in someone else’s care or fall asleep. I am wonderfully alone, and sitting in a house that is relatively clean. And I am one year wiser. Yes, I am thirty-one: old enough to be happy to make and serve my own birthday cake.

The night before my birthday Matt pulled the car down the hill with a canoe AND a kayak on the roof. He had put in a bid at a silent auction last week and won both! After years of contemplation, he finally did it. We called the canoe my birthday present and the kayak his Father’s day present (September in Australia). Jacinta’s duty was to name them for us as our gifts from her. On my birthday she whispered in my ear that the canoe was to be called, “Caillou,” pronounced kah-yoo in French, meaning pebble. Matt made me eggs for breakfast and went in late to work, a lovely gift. The girls and I moseyed along all morning, doing chores and playing. Later on we went out to Nambucca to do all of my favorite things. We visited the resale shop, the fruit shop, bought salad sandwiches and ended up at Shelly Beach. We collected seashells, climbed trees, and played in rock pools for a good while. Jacinta seemingly distraught, summed up how good life can be on some days. “Mummy… I want to go home...but I want to stay here all night too.” Genevieve just ran away with a cheeky grin, beckoning me to “Chase?”

Once home, we did some art work with Keith and tried to paint on paper bark. This is something Jacinta loves to collect for Keith while we are away. This is a type of tree that sheds large sheets of paper thin bark, full of deep browns and reds. Keith irons the barks, then scratches away at the layers uncovering different colors, then paints on top of the bark. I always have grand illusions that we will be able to do projects like this with both girls, and at this point, it is a bit silly. Although Evie went wild after a few minutes, we had a nice time trying anyway. Jacinta had a great time imitating my American R sound, trying to say the word art like me, ARRHT, almost like a pirate, giggling like mad after each attempt. I found it hilarious that my four year old had figured out one major accent difference between Aussie and American English. Ahht versus arrrht.

My birthday went on for a few days. Thursday night my friend Trish brought another cake to choir, even intuited a well needed gift of hand cream. This and my weekly dose of singing was enough to make me high on life. Friday my friend Maxine came over for morning tea with another birthday cake. All this sugar and sweetness, after the girls and I visited the naturopath on Tuesday to learn that our sugar levels were quite high, was laughable. Our naturopath Belinda reminded me once again that our particular constitutions are not suited to digest cows’ milk, and urged me to try goats, soy and other milks. It makes sense given my and my girls’ allergies as babies, but OH SO HARD TO DO! I’m giving it another try though. She also gave us a homeopathic worming treatment.

WORMS? People talk about it here as if it’s normal, doing a routine worming treatment. I honestly never heard anyone talk about this in my experience growing up in the suburbs. Did we get worms as children? Does this exist in the cities? I guess I didn’t spend that much time outside as a kid, given that half the year in many parts of the USA it is too cold to be outside and the worms are probably frozen. They say all children pick them up, being closer to the ground, animals and touching grime and licking their fingers. I have always shuddered at the thought of doing the treatment perhaps because I thought of the stigma attached with admitting that your kids are grubby. But luckily Belinda enlightened us and gave me the treatment. She said to do a worming treatment when the kids seem out of sorts, grumpy, complaining about silly things, squabbling more often, can’t get over infections and have runny noses. Hmm…this seems like everyday life to me. Surely it can’t hurt. Imagine if in ten days, we all get happier, healthier, and the girls get along all the time. Hee hee hee.

As all siblings do, the girls have their moments when they just celebrate their togetherness. Jacinta loves to pick Evie up, especially to cuddle her. Bath time cuddles are her favorite because “Evie’s skin is so soft.” Sometimes Evie runs and screams, “LET GO!” to escape her older sister squishing her, but sometimes she smiles and holds on. Today Jacinta pushed Genevieve around the veranda on the tricycle. Both girls were delighted, one for the thrill of the ride, the other for the thrill of helping and being appreciated. Genevieve has discovered the old cubby house, for it is surrounded by greenery and there are masses of little pink flowers to pick hanging over the wall. Jacinta had forgotten this cubby house, but following her little sister’s lead she has taken to playing down there again. Today Genevieve tried to climb up one wall and Jacinta promptly pulled her down telling her how dangerous it was and that she could not climb that high. Genevieve screamed angrily for a few moments, but eventually they worked it out, speaking some beautiful language that we will never understand. A few minutes later, loud and lovely giggles rang out and went on and on. Matt, Keith, and I all peeked on but tried to leave them be in the hopes that their laughter would continue. The other day Jacinta said, “I am so lucky to have Evie as my sister. Evie is so lucky to have me.” Right on little girl.

In Western society we sometimes think of our children as little ingrates that expect the world and don’t say thank you unless it is pried out of them. This is normal, as that is our duty as parents: to offer them the world as we know it until they figure out how to take it and make the best of it for themselves. But to teach them genuine gratitude, what is the best way? False scarcity? Talk of how lucky they are and how poor the other two thirds of the world is? Both of these options seem to rely on guilt and I am trying to avoid bringing these girls up on guilt. Guilt lives in me though, all I can do is try to limit its power. Loving everyone and everything seems to be a good idea, teaching that real love means real responsibility. It is grandiose though, just teaching them to refuse the bait of competition from other little four year olds is hard enough. Just teaching them to be inclusive to the few little people around them is hard when the children they play with are not always inclusive. I guess they say we must first learn to love ourselves before we can truly love others. Perhaps we just teach them to love themselves, hopefully enough to make it through adolescence.

For now, they seem to be quite proud of themselves. “Look at me” are words that all parents love and perhaps grow tired of hearing. Jacinta uses this phrase so often that little Genevieve has learned it. It seems strange to me to see an eighteen month old halfway up a ladder arching her back and hanging her head back chanting, “Look at me! Look at me!” Jacinta’s latest trick is hanging on a suspended ladder on top of her swing set. She hooks her knees over one rung and her hands over another and climbs her way up to the top of the ladder, calling out until she is red in the face, “Look at me!” They both say it so much they say it with the same rhythm, chanting it over and over.

Last week I described Genevieve and this week I will draw you a picture of our “big girl.” Jacinta’s hair is long and still very blond, tangled every evening, probably in need of a haircut. (She still has not had one!) She whines with every stroke when I brush her hair. She delights in the fact that she can now reach the bathroom light without a stool. She is long, no longer able to sleep comfortably in her bed horizontally, although she does anyway! Her legs are long enough to walk a mile or so and thus she asks to go on walks. She likes to teach and be the only one in the know, or pretend she is. Lately she has taken to saying, “Mommy, pretend you don’t know how to do this. Ask me how, ok?” Then with great pride and a perfect imitation of my teacher voice, she teaches me. I hear myself and cringe.

Jacinta loves babies. When our tiny 4 month old friend Alani comes over, Jacinta will sometimes ignore her friends and completely tune into this bright-eyed little baby girl, giving her a finger to grasp and staring deeply into her eyes. She also loves being with children her own age, but is very focused on the task at hand. If she and her friends are doing an activity like “soup making” or drawing, she is not one to halt the activity is her friends want to do something else. She must finish what she started, and could care less if she is left alone when they move on to something else. She has been playing with a few new little girlfriends, not just her one girlfriend Lilly. I enjoy watching her, noticing patterns in how she plays with different little girls. I always sneak up on her at preschool and watch her play until she notices Genevieve or I. All the lovely qualities I experience with her at home, she takes to preschool, without the baggage of having me to rely upon for everything. She is a completely different child in French class though, very strange. I am her mother, she is four and might want show her friends that she does not have to obey or follow rules. Maybe not though, I shouldn’t assume I can understand this little package of mystery. She is a lovely little mystery, one we get to hold for a while.

Genevieve’s chant of the little people in her life continued this week, but more common was the phrase, “Eeeew! Booga!” Yes, she is talking about the gross little things that come out of one’s nose. Why wouldn’t she repeat it again and again when it evokes laughter without fail from everyone within earshot? She said it a few times in the night, the only words uttered in her dreams. I lie in bed at 2am giggling at my grubby girl loudly talking in her sleep, no longer listing off people she loves but saying, “Eeew! Booga!” Other entertaining new phrases are “Let Go!” and “Come On!” She uses these phrases appropriately with people, but also applies them to objects. “Let go!” she demands as she tries to loosen the wooden nail from its hole. “Come on” she says to the stuffed animal as she walks along.

One morning we were talking with Jacinta about one day getting sheep here on our land. Genevieve heard the discussion and chimed in, in French, saying mouton? She says a lot of the animals in French, but also says their names in English at the same time. Thus far I have no pattern in when I speak French to her, just as much as I can really. We’ll see how it goes. It’s not as if she won’t learn English with all the Anglophones around! She may just utter a few French words accidentally. I suppose strange looks will cure that tendency. “Taureau” (bull) she calls out each morning as she looks out the window. This is the same bull Jacinta calls “Naughty Head Garden Eater,” because he breaks through the neighbor’s fence looking for good grass, then breaks through our fence looking for Keith to feed him more molasses. He made it into my garden again this week, eating all of my spinach, broccoli seedlings and the branches off of the coffee tree. It’s no wonder I lose garden energy when half the time I can’t successfully grow anything, then when I do, the cow comes in and eats it.

Nonetheless, spring is in the air and I am excited to make it work. The hyacinth bulbs have sprouted for the first time and they are beautiful: pink and purple blooms that tempt Genevieve like ice cream just out of her reach. But these are within her reach, only two flowers. As soon as she can weasel her way out the door she is in that patch of dirt next to those two hyacinths, whispering to herself, “Boo” (thinking to herself, “ blue…oohhh the blue flower is so beautiful..I just need to touch it…maybe pull on it a little….pick it….oh no! Here’s mommy, she is going to take me away again and tell me just to look at it. Ok, yes, I can just look…ohh, just one little tug, it’s so pretty..) Jacinta’s name means hyacinth, so we are trying to keep them around as long as possible.

Besides chasing the bull and picking flowers, we have been planting a few seeds and dutifully watering them. Jacinta planted a row of Thumbelina carrot seeds last week, hoping they will be ready to eat in a few days. There are strawberries to hunt, and Evie will eat them all if Jacinta is daydreaming. She just plops herself down next to a patch and eats everything in berry form, white, pink or red. Jacinta gets a few though, I am looking out for my daydreamer. After all, as she says, “I am doing all of the hard work watering! I deserve a big one!” We went on an expedition, searching for the channel Matt and I canoed last weekend, but could not reach it by land. It was too marshy and the grass too high and poky for the girls. But we did find four untended mandarin trees with bitter baby mandarins on them. It is exciting to find free food in the bush, even if it doesn’t taste all that good.

On Saturday Matt, the girls and I began working on the sandpit. Matt fitted and placed big logs from the recently chopped down trees in a rectangle near the pear tree. Jacinta lay in the fairy house daydreaming on a blanket while Genevieve roamed and discovered strawberries and picked all the flowers off the blueberry bush. I hunted down scattered tools and helped dig up dirt. It was the first time we have actually all worked together as a family since we built the house. Jacinta eventually joined us and wanted to work. By the end we were all squished in the future sandpit playing in the dirt and trying to level the ground.

We also began enjoying life on the water this week, with the girls. Matt took them each out on the dam for a little paddle on the kayak. Then all four of us went out in our new canoe. It was a bit iffy because we haven’t gotten life jackets yet, but we had to test it out! The girls could both feel the tippiness of the canoe and stayed as still as people their age can. It was a quick little ride, until we get life jackets. Matt took the kayak out on the river one evening and had a peaceful wind down after a week of work.

The weekend has been good, a break from routine seems to be what we need on the weekends. As they get older, both girls understand the thrill of daddy. Today Genevieve packed up a bag of books from the bedroom and came out to the couch where Matt was trying to rest and plopped herself down ready to read. She successfully woke him up and had a lovely time reading with daddy. She asks him to tickle her, then lays down waiting to giggle her heart out. Jess usually convinces Matt to make pancakes with her each weekend. I can’t complain!

We had some new friends over for dinner one night, and had a lovely time. They even stayed long enough to watch the Swans with Matt, well, Mike did. Not many people I know can sit and watch a football game from start to finish. Today we went to a lawn bowling fundraiser at Mary’s work. Keith took the kids and we drove with our friend Sara and her quiet tiny baby. It’s quite a novelty for us to talk to friends without constant distraction. Matt also found time to build the girls their very own shoe rack which has made passage through the hallway much less of a challenge.

Many of our problems arise from having too much stuff. We trip over it, we have to clean it up, store it, and do we really need much of it? Matt’s suggestion after building another shoe rack for all of our shoes was, “Maybe we don’t need all these shoes?” True, true. I keep saying I want to get rid of all of the toys in our house. The girls can play with rocks, flowers and sticks outside. If it is cold, I’ll let the sticks and rocks in.
I don’t think I really will, but I always wonder if it would make life better.

Well, as I have too much, I also write too much. Excuse my length.
Enjoy all you are and all you have, or get rid of it. Easier said than done.

Take care,
Shana

Rejuvenating water

Good evening y’all. I am full of energy, coming off last night’s twelve hour sleep. Matt and I are just back from our one night get away. We have been married ten whole years. It seems a lot given that I am thirty years old (for three more days). Time away (without children) does us all good. It puts things in perspective and gives you the headspace to process it all. It seems silly that we found a hotel just ten minutes away, but we live in a gorgeous place. We didn’t waste limited time or gas. We left Saturday morning as Mary and Keith drove off to dance class with the girls. While Jacinta danced, we began paddling against a strong current up the Nambucca River from our hotel to Macksville.

Keith and Mary had been excitedly planning what to do with their weekend with the girls. What a blessing for Matt and I. The girls were very happy and in great care. Keith and Evie drove along the river at one point trying to find us, while Jacinta dragged Mary running across the highway to meet us on the other side of the river. Once Matt and I finally made it to Macksville, hungry and wet, we had a great lunch on the river with Mary and Keith and the girls. It was very hard rowing up until Macksville, rowing away from the ocean on a wide windy river against the current. Matt is not the gallant type to compliment me on what little good I did, he reminded me a few times of what a wimp I was. Luckily I have more of a sense of humor than I did ten years ago.

After a well earned lunch, we bid the girls goodbye again. We then canoed toward our home further up the river, branching off the Nambucca River to the Taylors Arm. We rowed by our neighbors’ houses, it was amazing. What a different view from the water, this is why we needed to go canoeing. We live on a river, yet we do not know the river. We can not see it from here, the mangroves and pine trees block our view. You can get such a different sense of place when flowing through it like water. When I taught African geography in the Steiner school, I remember taking the kids on a imaginary tour down the Zambezi River for this reason. But I have never canoed down the Zambezi River, I read about it in books.

But here we are, living on a river, the Taylors Arm. We ended our little river tour in an exciting discovery of our next door neighbor’s channel. We weaved our way through a windy little tree covered path, ducking under low branches just growing in awe every additional minute the little channel allowed us to row. WE LIVE HERE??? This was our major excitement. We followed ibis, ducks, and a bright blue and orange bird down the channel. The ducks were probably the very same ducks that swim on our dam and come up for seed when Keith feeds the chickens. There we were, on our one day away from the children, canoeing close enough to home that we could have yelled (very loud) to them, in this hidden water world that we will now know. But we didn’t yell to the children. We enjoyed it alone and excitedly planned how to share it with them.

Matt’s one stroke equaled two of mine, yes, but we were both sore and very happy after the trip. Wet and tired, we did not row back down the river to our hotel, but stretched as we stood on the side of our own road waiting to be picked up by the kind hotel man. Although Matt’s cold flared up, the rest of our little trip was lovely. We rested, enjoyed silence, slow uninterrupted conversation, and reading. Matt read in bed with a newspaper while I read Originally Blessed outside by the river watching the sun go down and birds going “home” to their “beds.”
I am loving Matt’s book now that it is finally in print. I didn’t get to read much of it pre-print. There are poems, works of art, interviews, essays, and short stories. This is my kind of book, never knowing what to expect on the next page: something terribly scientific, something esoteric, something so brainy it hurts, something so beautiful it makes me cry. Last night of particular interest was a watercolor print of the Dance of Creation, created by a woman who depicts and revels in the beauty of the pregnant woman’s body, representing the place where the Mysteries of Life and of Union incarnate. I have the same reverence for pregnant women, but never had the words or skills to express it. Another inspiring concept was the beauty of the Jewish belief of soul in newborns, the Hebrew word neshema means both breath and soul. In Sandy Sasso’s essay on the “Divine Fingerprint,” she says, “All children have a spiritual life. The breath of God is there from birth. What children seek is the language, the social and cultural context in which to give expression to that life, to form words out of breath, to allow their souls to sing.” Knowing the beauty of a newborn, I can identify much more easily with this concept, original blessing. Original sin, a concept that most Christians believe is in the Bible is written nowhere in the Bible. It is made up. I am shocked to find this out, having grown up thinking I needed to be saved from the human natural tendency toward sin and evil. People in power do benefit from fear and guilt. I suppose this would be a good reason to keep up the myth that we are born sinful. Lucky the Jew brought up with the breath of God in them from day one.

We saw a full moon, enjoyed meals cooked by others, and long uninterrupted sleep. We slept in later than we have in years, 9:40! I had promised Jess that I would collect some treasures for her so after breakfast I went for a nice long walk on a shelly beach. Matt was feeling sick and quite happy to watch the waves from the car. One night away was all we needed to rejuvenate. So home we went to play with our sweet girls and relieve and thank our kind and exhausted parents/inlaws.

Last week was a pretty normal week, but with the added bonus that Matt was home again. He had a very busy first week back at work. In addition to the normal busyness after missing two weeks of work, there was a viral outbreak at the regional hospital which pushed a few very sick people over the edge and killed them. In addition to the sadness and chaos, it gave Matt even more new clients in hospital, requiring gloves and gowns for all visitors. Matt had more work close to home this week, so he surprised the girls and I by beating us home a few times. He also has a new camera which inspires him to stand around taking photos of everything, certainly of his cute little girls. Tonight he was out in the dark, taking pictures of the bright moon while wiggling the camera, making funny designs of moving moonlight. Besides his fun little girls to entertain and his new camera, Matt has also been enjoying the Olympics. I am watching some gymnastics this time around. Jacinta and Genevieve enjoy it too.

Typically, I say more about our girls than I do of Matt and I. But this week, there were a few extra moments of adult life to celebrate. On Friday I went a volunteer orientation with Anglicare and began learning about work with refugees. It was only two and half hours long but very powerful and enlightening. They spoke of cultural differences, even mocked themselves a bit. They spoke of anti-racism, of unfair white privilege, and a duty to give back to the community. Although I am preparing to begin work with people who have truly made it through hell, it was an uplifting time. It was like meeting an old friend, a community in which people are focusing on others and not only on ourselves, our children and what we eat.

I suppose this is what most of us do in parenthood, turn inward. I had planned on doing it differently from day one, but being politically clueless and churchless in a new country and new culture I lost focus. The will is there, we want to bring the girls up thinking less of themselves and more of others. Matt works in social service but the girls have not yet been able to see anything he does. Here is an opportunity. We shall see how much they can be involved in this particular effort. Genevieve came along to this meeting and rolled around playing and eventually fell asleep on my back. But for the time being, time with newly emigrated refugees will just be me, however seldom I have the opportunity.

Although I had more time alone this week, I had a lot of lovely moments with my girlies. We spent time visiting with new and “old” friends, playing and singing in French, planting seeds, picking flowers and getting wet and dirty in the garden. We drew pictures, created with play dough and read stories. Genevieve can actually pay attention to stories now, she likes to pick books off the shelf and bring them to me. “Sowry?” She loves animal books. Whenever she sees a wolf in a book she says, “Awhooo le loup (wolf in French)!” At night she chooses a book to read too and she sits with us all while we read both bedtime stories, if they are both short. She points out every item she knows and names them. It is like a chant as she is falling asleep or taking a bath, she recites the names of all of the little people in her life. “Jinta, Kai, baby (Paige), Lilly, Ayne (Aidan), Wohwy (Rory), Enwi (Henry), Aahni (Alani), Bella.” The other night she had been asleep for ten minutes and started reciting. The first name she said was my sister’s name, Lecia. That really made me smile. It’s such an amazing time to be with a child and I am saddened by the impossibility of being close to my parents and sister. But hearing dream language: middle of night stream of consciousness oozing out of my daughter’s mouth, my far away family was in it.

For you who I love so dearly but can not be with us, I will draw you a picture of this little girl, almost eighteen months old. Genevieve’s hair is often up in a little fountain-like pony tail on top of her head. She pulls it out if given half a chance so her hair is often in her face because I will not cut her bangs. The back is always scruffy because she rubs her head on her pillow while she sleeps, or at least I assume this is why! No mater how much it is brushed, it takes a few hours before it will lie flat on her head. I can not keep up with her grubbiness, as she is always into something: pens, markers, paint, play dough, dirt or food.

Genevieve is often standing on a chair at the table, looking out the window for cows, ducks, turkeys, chickens and birdies. The other days she named off all the birds she knew while sitting in Matt’s arms. She was intent on telling him a very important story, “ibis, pehkin (pelican), seagull, eagle, duck, chicken, roosta,” nodding after each bird. If not looking out the window, she’ll be reaching for something she shouldn’t have. This evening she left us reading stories in bed and came back with a piece of cornbread that she had nabbed off the table. She is surely resourceful, knows where to get what she wants. She can open the fridge now, a small problem. Now she comes out carrying a tray of paints and paintbrushes and asks to paint. I am not often in the mood to make this great of a mess. So she goes back and pulls out the play dough. Good thing she is easily steered off course, but not without giving the look, a furrowed brow and serious stern eyes. Even strangers comment on what a great nasty “look” she gives.
Jacinta used to hand out smiles right and left. She is a bit choosier nowadays, but generally has a happy demeanor. She sings so often Matt jokes about “Jacinta’s life, the musical.” Thursday night she came along to choir, and joined in as usual on the vocal warm-ups. She closely watches the lips of a few choir members and imitates. On the la la las, her tongue moves in and out of her mouth so fast that I can not even sing, laughing as silent as possible at my lizard daughter. Later on in the week she did these vocal exercises in the car. I started to sing along and she turned it into a game. “Try to sing what I sing and I will keep changing.” She moved up and down the scale changing from one pattern to the other, singing beautifully. We even sang in harmony for a few lines, one third apart. Matt took the girls to town late this afternoon. Jacinta had been a bit tired and edgy since we returned from our little trip. She sang herself into a different mood though, chanting all the different reasons she was happy while they walked through the town. She sang the refrain over and over, “I’m so happy today because the nectarine tree is fruiting.”

Jacinta had a busy social week with a visit to a friends’ farm and French on Monday, preschool on Tuesday, visits with new friends on Wednesday and Friday and playgroup and choir on Thursday. Tuesday was Grandparents Day at preschool so she had Mary and Keith as guests for morning tea. She did find some alone time, swimming in the bath, drawing and making “goop” outside. A new pass time arrived in the mail as a late birthday gift for the girls. My friend Carrie finds the most interesting gifts around. She surprises us with things we never would have thought to buy or even know existed like tricky wooden spinning tops, an American Girl’s Guide to lost arts that little girls did hundreds of years ago, and now the latest, paper dolls, and the Game of Graces. This is a game with four long wooden sticks and ribbon wrapped wooden hoops to toss between two people and Jacinta LOVES it. She practices catching the hoop on her own but also loves playing with Matt and I.

So we are all enjoying life here in Macksville. The fire is still burning, the moon is shining bright, and you are all probably just waking on the other side of the world. Enjoy the warm sun today and the bright moon tonight.

Peace,
Shana

Planter boxes full of hope

Hello there. I was just checking out the weather in all of the places in America that I have loved ones. On average, it seems that our highest possible temperature for the day is about equal to your lowest possible temperature. It is now the very early morning for you, your chilliest part of the day. It is the evening for us, a bit chillier here than there, I’m sure. Although I was shocked to see the lows in Montana, wow. It seems to get colder there in the summer than in the Midwest.

After our return from camping on Monday, Jacinta excitedly went to preschool the next day with her foot healed, ready to run and jump. Her preschool program is centered outside. Most activities are out of doors, one wonderful aspect of living in a climate such as this. It is a funny sight to see all the teachers in coats, hats, scarves and gloves while they watch over and play with the children. The problem there is all the shade. The sun is really warm but they need to protect the children from UV so it is very shady, and thus, cold. I suppose the children are warmer because they run and play, whereas the teachers stand around and watch. I have to remind myself of this at times when I want to bundle up the girls. Jacinta had a lovely time at preschool. They celebrated her friend Lilly’s birthday and even had chocolate cake. Jacinta enjoys herself without us now, but makes sure she brings bits of preschool home to share: paintings and special food. She did not finish her cake, but asked the teachers to wrap it up so she could take it home and share it with me. Oh how lucky and loved I am.

Genevieve and I usually have a few silent and peaceful hours when Jacinta is at preschool. We played outside for a while then she toddled around while I began to clean up the wreckage from camping. She took a two and a half hour nap too! Keith took she and Jedda (dog) to town to go to the vet, leaving me in solitude to clean. Sometimes I feel so rundown that this solitude is awesome, but last week’s camping energized me. I appreciated the silence though, of course I did!

I am starting to understand the full effects of Genevieve’s incredible empathy. At the vet, she mirrored the dog’s fear and cried for Jedda as she was getting her shots. It is probably common for siblings to cry when the other is hurt. But I am thrown off when Evie hits Jacinta when she is hurt and crying in my arms. Evie wants a cuddle because Jacinta wants a cuddle. I don’t think it is jealousy, but perhaps mirroring sentiment. Jacinta needs me, so Evie needs me. Jacinta cries, so Evie does too. Jacinta gets possessive when Evie comes near and gives her a grumpy look and clings hard to me. So Evie feels the anger and negativity and pulls Jacinta’s hair. Jacinta gets angry, so Genevieve mirrors her anger and whacks her. Hmm…can you call this empathy…or sibling rivalry…or just learning how to feel? I suppose it doesn’t matter what you call it, they are just growing up.

Luckily, I too am still learning important lessons as I grow up. I recently learned a good lesson from a woman who never sat down or went outside when I visited but cleaned up messes, cooked and made tea the whole time I was at her house. I hadn’t finished my cup of tea before she swiped it and cleaned the cup. Lesson learned: leave the kitchen, forget the mess, stop fussing over visitors, go outside, enjoy the sun and play. With this in mind, Wednesday we had some friends over, went outside and had a nice play day. We followed the kids around, explored the forest on the river bank and did a loop around the dam. The children climbed trees, swung on vines, played with sticks (ouch), walked in muck, balanced on logs, and discovered a massive cow skull and all of its bones. They were not at all disgusted, but very interested in what bones were and how big they were. Later on that day Keith showed the girls a surprise he had discovered while watering the fruit trees: the first strawberry of the season! Our outdoor day continued as Keith made a big bonfire upon which we cooked our dinner: scorched potatoes, fish and Johnny cakes. The girl went to sleep easy that night. Good thing because I needed to make costumes for playgroup. Keith is always there to help with costumes, very creative, capable, and optimistic that we can make something nice out of junk. We had a lovely time making Jacinta’s moose head and Evie’s lai.

Jacinta woke up singing Thursday morning. “This is a pretty exciting day mommy!” We had been anticipating Matt’s return for 10 days and also getting ready for our “M day” playgroup. We were all to dress up as something starting with an M and bring food to share that started with the letter M. While I made Macadamia cookies that morning, Genevieve whined from the moment she noticed the batter until it was out of sight. I let her taste it a few times, it was no use. She has an incredible sweet tooth and wanted the whole bowl. (She wakes up in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning asking for dates.) Jacinta was a cute little Moose all dressed in brown with red antlers. Genevieve put on her grass skirt and knew instantly that a “Maui girl” should dance. Evie’s lai made of fresh flowers didn’t even make it to playgroup, but we all had a lovely time and left in time to make it to Matt’s plane.

Jacinta counted down the minutes until we saw daddy and was eager to see the plane land. The 50 minute trip there was enjoyable. Evie had a well-deserved nap while Jacinta and I chatted. We talked about how much we loved the small Coffs Harbour airport. She spoke off all the airports she knew, saying that Coffs and Chicago were her favorites. “I like all airports though Mommy, because they all have those things that go round and round with the luggage on them.”

We saw the plane roll in. Jacinta asked what I thought Matt might be wearing. I didn’t have a guess but she said, “I think he’ll be wearing his long sleeved yellow shirt.” Almost last off the plane, Matt marched down the steps in his yellow shirt. Funny thing to guess, she proudly told him she had guessed it after she had run across the room to greet him at the door. I’m sure the image of his beautiful little girls running across the airport yelling, “Daddy!” to jump into his arms will stay around for a long while. He said he had seen us waiting behind the glass from his airplane window, thanks to the sun bouncing off Genevieve’s little tuft of hair on top of her head.

Oh, the excitement was all too much. Matt dealt well with his jetlag, fatigue, relief, and joy. He had gifts for us all, some he had found and others from friends. He brought back my list of demands, mail orders, dried cherries, toothpaste and all. Most importantly (besides his healthy body), he brought back a box of books, books with his name on the front as the editor. I was impatient to see them and they were at the bottom of a tightly packed bag. He needed to fill me in on the last two weeks anyway, so I had to wait to see the beloved book. Even with all the technology in the world, if you have no time to communicate, nothing gets passed on. Matt’s schedule was packed, this trip had no wiggle room. I heard tidbits, but nothing much, nothing about his time with loved friends and family, nothing about his book, how he felt or how the conference had gone. Now I finally heard all the fun details, how people were doing, how his talk at the conference went, and how much people appreciated his work. Such an amazing ten days, a whirlwind, so many emotions and so much toing and froing. Now home, Matt was feeling satisfied, tired, loved and inspired. I felt a bit more complete knowing how it had all gone, such an important time in Matt’s life, and I finally saw the book, beautiful.

So Matt has returned from the American summer, home now to finish off the last month of our Aussie winter. Last night was perhaps our “coldest” night so far. We shivered in bed for a few moments and vowed we’d put a heater in the girls’ room tonight. We slept cozy though, and woke up to the biggest frost yet this winter. The sun quickly erased the evidence of winter and warmed us once we went outside.

Matt was out straight away building a new compost, the crawling under the house trying to fix something. Since he returned on Thursday he has been excitedly jumping from task to task, doing things that have been grating on his mind for the last few busy months of the book. Yesterday Matt and Keith cut down a bunch of tall birch trees that were shading the garden a bit. These were very tall, straight trees which make good posts and terrace supports. Matt already used a few of them to prop up the shed and cut a few for the sandbox to be. The clutter is also getting to him, so he wants to build new ways to organize and get rid of things. He used to wander dreamily through stores selling organizers, now he tries to build his way out of our accumulation.

We are all enjoying life with Matt again. Things are back to normal. Bed time and mornings are easy again. Loud screams from tickle torture have returned. I did tickle them on Matt’s behalf in his absence, gently though, not like a dad does. Each time I tickled Evie she smiled and said “daddy?” Matt took the girls out shopping and to the ocean on Friday. Jacinta had asked where salt came from so they collected some salt water and let it evaporate on top of the fireplace.

I excitedly dove back into the garden while they girls were out. The apple, plum, blueberry and nectarine trees are all in flower so it feels like spring. These trees are giving me hope, energy, and excitement to garden again and beautify some of the trashy messes we have lying around outside. It could be the trees, Genevieve’s age, Jacinta’s growing comfort with her body, Matt’s completion of his book, or even the masses of spinach I am eating that are giving me the burst of energy. Whatever the reason, I have spent a few hours out in the garden for the last three days, both with the girls and without. I planted all of the seeds that were about to expire: four planter boxes full of hope. We shall see if anything comes up. If I expect nothing, any seed that sprouts will surprise me. I weeded a few beds in the orchard and cleaned up a junky corner of pots and old wood. Jacinta found “the yummiest carrot ever” so she is now inspired to plant her own little bed of Thumbellina carrots. I look forward to spending more time out there with the girls. I just need to remember to water consistently, this is one of my biggest problems in life: sticking to things. Jacinta nearly has a breakdown if you pull her away from a task she has not yet finished.
I could learn a lesson from my little girl.

Saturday was Matt and my tenth anniversary. We have two anniversaries each year, one celebrating the American wedding and one celebrating our Australian wedding. Knowing we would be away from the girls next weekend for our exciting night out, we took them out to dinner for this one. With none of our favorite places open at four o’clock, we went to the most basic take away shop and ate in. We had a nice time, and I again learned that they do not do seafood well. It was a nice afternoon for a stroll anyway. The girls were quite excited to see horse poo on the bridge. This means a horse walked over the bridge (something we’ve never seen before). They also enjoyed throwing pebbles into the river. We got home at dark, which seems to be less of a drama now that they have spent so much time in the dark camping.

Sunday we had another peaceful day, spending time outside with the kids and Mary and Keith. Our veranda gets morning sun, so it is the place to be on a cold morning. Jedda (dog) always finds the warmest spot and suns herself. Mary’s parakeets also come out ( in their cage) to soak up some rays. We spent the afternoon at Lilly’s birthday party with most of our friends feasting, chatting and watching the kids play.

It is hard to believe we were married ten years ago and how different life was then. We look back and smile at the memories we have together in so many different places and in the company of so many amazing people, people who have taught us so much. The awesome part is that the present is just as awesome as all of those years accumulated and even better, we have added two more humans to the “we” to share in our joy and pain.

Have a lovely week. Enjoy your “we.”

Peace,
Shana

Merci Mere Terre

Good evening loved ones :) I think everyone agrees that it is wonderful to go out and explore, yet equally wonderful to come home and fall in love with your home again. Having in-laws who clean the house while you are away and upon return sweep the children into their arms and entertain them while you unpack is quite a bonus. Each time I come back to our little abode, it is the floor that makes me smile. It is not only cleanliness that makes me smile, but the floorboards: knowing them so well having seen them all cut, laid, nailed down, sanded and polished. So we have gone and come home. I am now loving the floorboards, Mary's hot corn chowder and the luxuries of light switches and a bathtub.



Last week before we went camping, Jacinta still had her cough so I cancelled French class. We had a lovely home day resting, packing and preparing for our trip. We dug up a few buckets of potatoes to bring for dinners. A new friend from dance class popped over for French class (not knowing it was cancelled) and although we hadn't even brushed our hair that day, we had a lovely time anyway. The mom grew up speaking French but hasn't worked out how to share it with her daughter and son. Thus joining us for French class will be perfect for them. Jacinta and five year old Isabella had a ball, and thus far found no need for competition. Perhaps it's that pecking order rule: things are often easier if you know where you stand. We shall see.



On Tuesday, Jacinta stayed home from preschool. She and Genevieve went to "Poppy Preschool" instead. When Genevieve heard the word "pre-school," she excitedly exclaimed, "JUMP!" She associated preschool with the trampoline. So Keith turned the couch into a trampoline. They had a lovely time jumping around, playing games, doing arts and crafts, eating, and watching a video. Genevieve trotted back and forth from Keith to me and eventually had a nice nap. Although I had all morning to prepare, I still worked for five more hours that night! I wanted to be ready for anything, mainly cold weather.



Wednesday morning we were off. Jacinta was relatively well, Evie and I were fine. I could have stayed here and waited for Jacinta's cough to go away, but honestly I think she'd still have it anyway. We were all excited so away we went in the overstuffed car. We were only traveling about three hours away, but we managed to stop three times spending an hour each at the Honey Place, a petrol/fruit shop and Coffs Harbour for lunch, recharging the cell phone and exploring the camping store. It was 4pm before we finally arrived at Woody Head Campground in Bundjalung National Park. Choosing a campsite was the hardest task. Setting up camp and lighting a fire for dinner before dark was a bit of a rush. The girls were in heaven though, climbing everything, chasing birds, jumping in and out of the tent, checking out the public toilets and playing with flashlights and the few toys I packed. We ate our eggs and toast by candlelight. Evie was very tired and actually said, "sleep?" I took her to the tent and she ran away crying and tried to get in the car. She did not know a tent could also be a bed, but with a little effort she learned. Sharing one big sleeping bag was cozy and cuddly, Genevieve learned quickly how to fall asleep peacefully this way, just staring at the candle hanging above her head. One morning she awoke and the first thing she said as she pointed at the candle holder was "all gone."



Genevieve woke at the crack of dawn each morning, it's hard to avoid this in a tent. I tried to persuade her otherwise but she instantly wanted food and to get out of the tent. "Zip?" she would persist. She pointed at Jacinta each morning, "Seeping…" or "je dors," (I am sleeping in French). She would lunge at her big sleeping sister and ask, "Wake?" Eventually I gave in and went outside in the cold with her so she could explore and let Jacinta sleep. Birdlife in the morning was amazing, birds of all colors all trying to steal our food, even drink our tea. Genevieve quickly learned the phrase, "Go away!" from Jacinta.



Jacinta learned a few new things on this trip too, as you would expect. She can put logs on a fire under supervision and loves collecting firewood although she will not do the most important job: search for small sticks. She also practiced taking pictures and really loves this skill. Today she took a picture of a wild emu. She learned to appreciate darkness a little more and fell in love with wide open spaces. I wanted her to learn the art of non-attachment because she is at a stage of such possessiveness and total attachment. So we played in and loved many different places, and moved on. At one point she said, "I love our campsite so much I never want to go home! Why do we need to leave?" Just a few hours later she said, "I think I want to go home now."



Watching my girls play either together or on their own is one thing that will make me stop what I am doing and smile. I watched Jacinta sit alone in the grass smiling, sing with the birds and play meditatively with a toy or two. This was lovely. She seemed free, unencumbered by an overwhelming choice of activity. Genevieve just kept moving, never stopping unless she was being carried on my back or eating something sweet. She roamed picking flowers and interesting things off the ground, often trash. She sought enclosure at times and at these times she said "Car…op.." (translation, "mommy please open the car door for me. I would like to go in and play.") One morning it was so cold that we all played in the car for an hour until it warmed up. I had a lot of organizing to do anyway.



Besides the obligatory activities like cooking, eating cleaning and sleeping we found many exciting things to do. The rock pools at Woodyhead were amazing, just perfect fun for little girls. We searched for seashells, played in the sand, waded in shallow water, watched big waves from afar, chased seagulls and got very close to four big pelicans trying to snooze on a hot rock. Genevieve watched Jacinta jumping in the rock pools and just couldn't stand it anymore, she wanted to jump so badly! She did little baby jumps for the first time and would call out every few seconds on a new rock, "Jup?" meaning she wanted me to hold her hands and help. The big strong banksia trees were great for climbing. There was also a section of the beach that was covered in driftwood big enough to climb and use for Hide and Seek. When Genevieve wants to play Hide and Seek she starts counting: "Noo, nee, noo, neee, noo, nee" and goes on until someone is found.



We met a lovely French woman on the beach, Elodie. Whenever I hear a lovely foreign accent, I hopefully inquire. She was wandering Australia in a campervan and had so many interesting stories to tell. Jacinta and Genevieve enjoyed her company also so we decided to have dinner together. We had a lovely time with our new friend and spoke French all afternoon and evening. This inspired both girls and made the language a bit more real, hearing it spoken by someone besides their mother. One of my goals this week was to speak more French with the girls and voila! It came naturally after listening to us gab for hours while sitting at the beach, making a fire, making dinner, eating and falling asleep by the fire. Elodie left the next day but we may see her again. The girls still speak of her and feel a little more French in their souls.



Besides the beach, we explored a coastal rainforest. Jacinta happily walked for over a mile, swinging on the vines like a monkey and searching for treasures to collect. I kept asking her to tell me when she was ready to turn back. "Mommy, you are just going to have to decide when to turn back because I just want to keep on walking." Genevieve mostly rode on my back but came down a few times to play en route. Playing Hide and Seek in this forest was great fun, noo nee noo nee. The flowers and berries were beautiful, but the vines were certainly the highlight. We eventually turned back and I think Jacinta was ready by then. Genevieve was ready: asleep on my back.



Cooking on the fire took a little extra time, even though the meals I cooked were extremely simple and very bland. We had fish and chips a few times, even squid, and ate a lot of peanut butter and honey sandwiches, but mostly we cooked at the campsite. We cooked fish, eggs, potatoes in the coals, pasta with canned tomatoes and beans, toasted sandwiches, applesauce, and of course, marshmallows. One evening I vowed we would finish cooking before sunset. Just in time we made it up the hill to a picnic table where we watched the sun go down and eventually finished our tea and pasta in the dark. Jacinta was a little wary of the dark the last few months, but not this night. As the light disappeared she played with her shadow, and ended up singing and dancing under the stars. Genevieve and I had to join her of course. Spinning under the stars is always fun.



In French class we sing a little song called Merci Mere Terre (Thank you Mother Earth). It is a poem I did with French classes in the past that I adapted for my little class here. Genevieve is with us in class now and takes in more than I know. This week she heard me say merci quite a bit and associated it with the song from class. At any dull moment in the car or on the beach she started to sing, "Merci…" and do the motions to the song. She only said the one word, which then prompted Jacinta and I to sing the whole song while she did the motions. Her favorite action is the last word, animaux, upon which we act out a bouncing kangourou.



Our next campsite was in Yamba, a slightly ritzy surf town with a thriving fishing industry. It was a busy town, so our caravan park was not so isolated and lovely, nor could we have open fires. Eggs in the microwave are not very nice but a lovely lady introduced Jacinta to homegrown grapefruit. The beach was pretty and the girls liked the playground. Our grassy campsite was beautiful and great for a little game of soccer, but left Jacinta with a nasty bull ant bite which eventually led to a sprained ankle. The big fishing boats were great to watch and kept us in French song. This time it was a song I had just taught them when we sailed our styrofoam boat across the dam, "Bateau sur l'eau." We don't know the rest of the song, so it was like a chant every time we saw a boat, over and over. Evie calls out bateau every time she sees a boat now.



We left Yamba after one night and looked for greener pastures, stopping en route at the Blue Pool of Angourie. This was a natural pool quarried out in the 1890's next to the ocean. With Jacinta's foot in great pain, I pushed her in the pram and carried Evie on my back, slightly questioning my own sanity. When we found the pool and sat on the ocean watching massive waves and awesome surfers, then I felt a little more sane. We then drove south to Minnie Waters and stayed in Yuragyir National Park at Illaroo, a rustic campground right on the water. Jacinta stayed in the tent and did arts and crafts while Genevieve roamed and watched birds. This was our last night, so we had a marshmallow feast after dinner. Then I accidentally mentioned that there were dingoes so we went straight to bed. The next morning, Evie woke us for our first sunrise on the water, and we could just peer out of our tent to enjoy it. Jacinta and I agreed that this was worth staying for.



We left after I packed us up on Monday morning and moseyed on home. We stopped at an organic farm to buy fruit and veggies out in the middle of nowhere. Our last stop was in Woolgoolga, partly because we liked the name and partly because I thought there might be a naturopath to look at Jacinta's foot. Turns out that we found exactly what we needed, as I usually do. We walked into a clinic, and they squeezed us in! This lovely lady massaged Jacinta's leg for a half an hour. After carrying my big girl, pushing her, and hearing her wince in pain for almost two days, Jacinta left walking. Talk about magic, my gosh. We celebrated with lunch and a playground on the beach.



The girls were troopers, so much fun to be with and so easy to please. It was slightly tiring, as proof I fell asleep with them every night and never saw the moon rise. I won't hesitate to take them camping again. It will be harder when they aren't as trusting of their whimsical mommy and happy to do whatever I choose. But for now we are traveling well together.



Matt seems to be traveling well too. He is at my mom's house tonight and leaves for home tomorrow. We've spoken briefly amidst his tightly packed social schedule :) and he sounds happy and tired. We will see him in just two days, the girls and I are anxious to see him. Any time Evie saw a man with little or no hair on our trip she called out, "Daddy!" Jacinta is counting down the days.



I hope you are "traveling well" also. Life seems to work out better when you believe in the presence of overflowing goodness. I'm sure it's harder in places that are not so abundant and peaceful, but may help a little. Have a great week.



Peace to you,

Shana