Sun in your ears

Good evening lovely people. I hear spring is taking its time getting started for you, surely hard after a long winter. It seems as if it’s hard to know what to expect with weather in the USA. Similar to my time in Senegal, thus far it’s pretty easy to guess what the weather will be each day here in Australia. In Senegal, every day you knew it would be hot, dry and sunny. I was only there for nine months though, I hear it rains the other three months of the year. Here it is pretty consistent, temperature wise. If it is summer, it will be hot, unless it rains, then it cools off a bit. If it is spring, it will also be hot, unless it rains. In the winter and autumn, it is chilly in the morning, and chilly in the evenings and warm in the middle of the day. If it rains in the daytime, you may keep the fire burning, but otherwise, you try and stay outside in the warm air. I actually dressed the girls outside in the sunshine a few times this week so they would stay warm. Jacinta was curious why we can’t all get dressed outside like she and Evie.

It’s hard to understand the unspoken rules of society, but Jacinta is learning them nonetheless. Why can’t she squat by the river in town to pee? The toilet is so far away!
“Why is that car driving on the other side of the road?” Traffic rules are good examples of rules that you just follow. You do not question them, you trust in their wisdom for your own well being and the safety of others. I love explaining these rules to Jacinta when she comes up with the questions. I feel as if it helps her to respect authority a little more. She is constantly testing out her boundaries, I suppose we all do this in our own way. She is starting to follow suit by assigning consequences to actions that we have chosen not to do. “If you don’t come over here, I won’t get dressed.” We use natural consequences to help Jacinta do what needs to be done, but she has taken them and turned them into threats, bribes. Another societal rule is that your parents are allowed to give you consequences, but you are not allowed to return the favour. It’s life.

Another part of life is death. I have mentioned before that I have comes to terms with killing creatures that diminish our quality of life: ugly rats, disgusting cockroaches and cute little mice. Well, we successfully trapped a few cute mice this week. As I don’t get much time without the girls in daylight, I have to dispose of the mice in their presence. Jacinta quite enjoyed covering the dead mouse with dirt under a young native bush in the garden. We apologized to the mouse, said goodbye and wished him well under the pretty tree. We try to tell the cute little mouse we see running in the door in daylight to stay outside where he can eat wild mouse food. They just don’t seem to listen.

Today we passed the cemetery and Jacinta noticed it for the first time, “Look Mommy, it’s a little city!” I told her as little as possible, but she dragged a few important answers out of me. “Why didn’t we put the mouse in a box?” “When people die, do we go all soft, like the mouse? When?” “We turn into dirt?” Later on today she was playing a chase game with her friends and rather than saying that she didn’t want to get taken by the fox she said, “If I go out there, I might turn into dirt!” I kicked myself for the explanation, but I can’t take it back. Death is a lot more in your face out here. She is quite confused on which things are okay to kill. Mosquitoes and flies, yes. Dangerous spiders, yes, harmless spiders, no. Insects that are eating plants we like, yes, insects that are not hurting anything, no. Last night she pretended to shoot Evie and me, and I had to explain to her that we don’t do that at our house. Perhaps I should not have gone into the whole thing about shooting meaning killing and killing ending in death. Yikes. I often regret what I say. So we spoke of the circle of life, already. My oh my.

Speaking of mortality, our beloved Keith/Pop has come to terms with his own. A few months ago he took a stress test and found out he had a few blocked arteries. An angiogram was scheduled for this Thursday. He has been taking it slow, which for Keith still means chopping wood, mowing a few lawns, slowly, only turning the compost once in a while, and playing hide and seek with the girls. He spent more time watching Westerns and researching alternative energy on the internet. I thought the angiogram was just a test, it was but they acted instantly upon the result. Keith came home the next day with two stents opening up his arteries, one of which was the main artery. His heart should pump eight times now what it was pumping before. His body is a bit out of whack at present, dealing with the surgery and major change in blood circulation. To see our Keith, the man who can and does EVERYTHING never asking for anything in return but to be loved, hobble and have to refuse picking up Genevieve for a cuddle, is shocking. But as I told Jacinta, Pop just had a tune up. The girls have no idea how lucky we are that Pop had his “tune up,” thus preventing a major heart attack. Our next door neighbour is Keith’s doctor. He too is feeling pretty lucky that Keith finally submitted to the stress test. We’re all feeling pretty lucky, but Keith is still in pain, feeling lucky, though very much humbled by his own mortality. He is on the mend and enjoys reading long stories to Jacinta and blowing up balloons for little Evie. Soon he’ll be up chasing them both and playing hide and seek again. For now, he just has to sit down to hold them.

The girls have been busy as usual this week. Jacinta worked on her paper mache balloon with Keith, getting ready to use it as a piñata on her birthday. She spent a lot of time in her room with the door closed very seriously creating cards, rings, bracelets, books, hand warmers and bags out of paper, scissors, stickers, staples, tape, beads, crayons and markers. The second she leaves the room forgetting to shut the door, Evie runs in and steals all the forbidden items and runs out naughtily smiling mumbling with joy, “textas,” this is what they call markers in Australia. She’ll sometimes rip things out of Jacinta’s hands causing major sadness. It is understandable why Jacinta often says, “Mum, I need to shut the door.” One inspired day I actually took both girls outside on the playground to make cotton sheep. Jacinta took this new project and ran with it, gluing leaves around the edges for a border and gluing more cotton on as clouds. Evie didn’t destroy Jacinta’s work, but did fill the glue stick with woodchips. This was one time when Jacinta found the courage to laugh rather than scream in rage.
Playdough is another activity the girls can do happily together, most times. Genevieve licks it and makes it wet sometimes, but otherwise she doesn’t wreck Jacinta’s creations. Jacinta gets a kick out of Evie’s word for playdough which she repeats over and over, “Dough! Dough! Dough!”

Genevieve has been talking up a storm. Flies are great entertainment, “Fye! Fye!” she calls out shooing them away, giggling and giggling. “Buhfie” is another lovely creature she is learning to spot. “Fow” flowers are another object of admiration. I found too that “poo” can also mean spoon. “Pee poo,” accompanied by giggles and waving of hands means Pee yew! I actually remember Jacinta saying the same thing as a baby. I suppose it’s a fun concept, making a big deal out of something smelly. It’s usually her own bum though! She says, “Kih,” for clip and actually leaves ponytails and clips in her hair now! She still asks for a “Drih” when she’s thirsty, but her new favourite drink is fresh squeezed oranges from Sara’s tree. She has good taste! We all love it. We also all love it when Evie has a good nap and she has had a few this week! Jacinta is learning to play on her own while I coax her to sleep, her favourite activity is laying/playing in the hammock. On Thursday Genevieve napped so long that we actually had to wake her up. She still has a little cough, and is also cutting her eye teeth. It seems most painful at night, poor little thing.

Matt does pretty well working after a poor night’s sleep. Jacinta often calls out at the top of her lungs by 5 or 6 am, DADDY! I’M HUNGRY! COME GET ME! Of course he doesn’t appease her instantly, but tries to keep her from waking Evie. Good man, good man. He finished bricking the fireplace this week and it is now very warm. It looks like a real fireplace now, as if it has been here for ages. He is working on the book a few hours a night, unless there is really good TV on. One night he made baked apples so he could take a picture of them for his book, his only recipe in the book. He didn’t care to eat them, dried fruit and nuts aren’t his thing, so we had gourmet dessert cooked by daddy for a few days. Another lucky occurrence for the week was a work car! Matt was offered a work car and he took it! So I am now mobile, every day. We never hoped for this, but we are both very happy. For now, it’s easy enough to push into town when I have lots of time and the weather is dry. I suppose we’ll use both cars until gas prices get so high that no one can drive anymore. Perhaps then we’ll have to get a work horse!

Having lots of time on hand is rare for most people. I have had a goal of organizing four drawers: the girls’ overflowing messy drawers. It took three weeks to accomplish my goal. Although it feels good to finally do it, it seems pathetic that it could take so long to do such a simple task. It is indicative though of why I never get to the garden. I spent my spare evening time this week knitting for Jacinta’s birthday. She asked for a “belly warmer,” and a felted mushroom, strange yes, I guess she takes after me. She’s truly ready to turn four. As the day approaches, (two days left) we have received a few packages in the mail containing birthday gifts which must be hidden. This is excruciating for her, but a good lesson in anticipation and patience.

It is the weekend. Today I took the girls out all day for dance class and a visit to the Miles’ house so Matt could work on his book and Keith could rest. Tomorrow is Sunday and Matt will take the girls out for a few hours so I can rest and rejuvenate in the garden. I asked Jacinta, “Do you think it will be sunny or rainy outside tomorrow?” She replied, “I know it will be sunny.” “How do you know that? Can you feel it?” “Yep, I feel it in my ears. Tomorrow morning, the sun will come out of my ears!”

My step dad and my father in law have overcome major health obstacles, my big girl turns four on Monday, my sister is flying to Australia in two weeks and I get to garden tomorrow. I think that means there must be sun in my ears too. I hope the sun rises in your ears this week.

Peace,
Shana

Treasures in your shoes

Good evening dear family and friends. The sun went down three hours ago, and it is only 8pm. Matt and the girls are sleeping as I enjoy the rare solitude of the evening. What a treat to act instantly based on nothing but my own needs and desires. I can eat when I am hungry, drink when I am thirsty, change my clothes when I am cold, listen to silence or music that I have chosen and think of no one but myself. I am in the mood to reflect, so I have come to you. For the first time I actually went back and read my journal exactly one year ago, to see what the girls were doing last year at this time. It turns out we had just arrived in America for the summer. But just before that, I had written a lot about Jacinta’s friend Nickolas and how excited she was for his birthday party. Times have changed.

One year in the life of a child seems a lot longer than one year passing in the life of an adult. Genevieve was stuck on her belly trying to crawl. She spent time in her crib gurgling, happily looking at mobiles. Apparently she had already communicated to me that she didn’t need much sleep. Now she climbs ladders, trees, talks and dives out of her crib head first if she is not ready to sleep. One year ago, Jacinta could go to a toy store and think of people besides herself. She loved her friend Nickolas and anticipated his birthday party for weeks, not worrying much about her own. Now she and Nickolas don’t take much notice of each other, each in search of a better playmate, someone of the same gender. Last year they hugged goodbye so hard they fell over and hurt themselves. This year, Jacinta was just sad to leave the party before Lilly did. Every creation made in her cubby house kitchen is a birthday cake, for herself, of course. Every balloon blown up is for her birthday. We count down the weeks saying how many dance classes or preschool days are left before she is four. Only one more dance class left now! Everything will happen when she turns four, she predicts. She says she will wipe her own bum when she turns four. Most of the time she does anyway, she’s just holding on to our attention. As she is very strong willed, I know she will stick to it, as will we. Only 9 days left of wiping her bum, yippee!

On wiping bums, Genevieve is now aware of when she is pooping and usually tells us right after she has done it. “Poo!” Jacinta loves to help change her, only when it is a poo though. Is this strange? She loves to see it so she can loudly comment, “ICK!” When she is feeling especially kind, she will fetch a nappy for me. She also loves to pick out clothes for Evie. The other day, Evie and I got very wet and cold in the rain. Jacinta fetched us both new dry clothes and picked out very interesting combinations in all of her favourite colors. She likes to pick out her own clothes sometimes, but doesn’t mind me doing it. Actually she’d prefer we dress her like a baby, going all limp and helpless. It’s terribly frustrating for Matt and I, especially at bedtime, sometimes ending in an earlier bedtime. When we can get her into bed before any breakdowns occur, we congratulate ourselves for starting early enough for everyone’s sanity. Tonight just before bed, Matt took her out to see the stars. After gazing out into the dark night for a while and chatting about the stars, Jacinta said, “Daddy, I thought the stars were inside us.” I don’t know exactly what she meant by that, but no matter, it is a really nice thought.

Right now both daddy and daughters are sleeping. It was a very busy week for all of us. The girls still have colds so they get worn out more easily, yet they don’t nap. I never stop moving, but this is nothing new. Matt’s job seems to get busier every day as he gets better at what he is doing. The clients are pouring in, and their situations seem to get more complicated as time goes by. Matt is happy being busy, but he comes home a little tired. I suppose the honeymoon of new employment will wear off soon. It may also be the deadline of his book weighing on his shoulders saying, “Work on me! You only have about a month left!” Hurry up!” His shoulders and back are very sore too. Perhaps the weight of the book will take away that pain in a month or so when he sends it to the printer. That would be good, but I imagine it has something to do with carrying bricks and fireplaces. Today he started the day on a two and a half hour conference call, bricked in the base and one side of the fireplace, worked on his book, watched a Swans (football) game, had dinner, and just crashed cuddling Jacinta. It will just be a short nap, as he needs to get up and work on his book and participate on another conference call at some ungodly hour tonight while we are all sleeping. One boost this week was to find out that an essay he wrote last year will be published in Matt Fox’s next book. When it rains it pours.

It didn’t rain too much this week, but it happened to rain on the one day the girls and I strolled into town. I decided to brave Jacinta biking (triking) to town while I pushed Evie in the pram. I mounted the tricycle on top of the stroller on the hills, but otherwise Jacinta rode. She was so happy, so proud, thrilled to pedal herself across the bridges we had crossed so many other times walking, strolling or driving. She could hop off at any random moment to pick flowers, raspberries, pretty leaves. Once she hoped off in someone’s front lawn and said, “Can you give me a boost? I want to climb this tree?” I deterred her without having to use the, “It’s not our property” line. I’m not ready to talk about that one, it’s one of those unfortunate societal rules that we need to claim ownership over the earth. I know there are some good reasons, I’m just not ready to explain yet. We eventually made it to playgroup, albeit 90 minutes later. By the end of playgroup, it was raining pretty hard so Jacinta got a ride home with a friend while I ran home with Genevieve in the stroller. I tried so hard to keep Genevieve hidden from the rain, but she just wanted to see it all and feel the rain on her face. This is also why her cold has gotten worse. This and the beach on Wednesday, a bit careless of me, yes.

Genevieve, like most children when they have colds, doesn’t want to slow down at all. As adults, we need to slow down, and think children should too. Sleep is one of the best medicines, but you can’t force it. All you can do is try to cover their mouths when they cough (or make sure they do) and wipe their noses before they wipe it all over someone else and get them sick too. Genevieve played hard this week, out on the playground, feeding chickens and turkeys and Keith, playing hide and seek, climbing up and down chairs, even up to the guava tree. She even says guava now, it’s so sweet, as are the yellow soft fruits with pink inside. She and Jess both joined me up on the plank on top of the old chook pen this week while I picked guavas, they feasted. She is starting to recognize some French words now too. I speak to her in French more now, and she heard me say the word, “Tete” (head). She connected it to a song I sing in French class, and pointed at her head and went on pointing at other body parts. It made me smile almost as much as hearing her clearly say “Au revoir” to the ducks one afternoon as they flew away.

Today Jacinta needed some time out from Genevieve and chose to play with a ball in her room alone. Evie, instantly felt shut out and needed some consolation. So I came up with a hiding game, hiding a ball in the boots so she could search for it. She was quite happy, until Jacinta came back out, sensing she was missing out on the action. Jacinta joined in, but was not satisfied playing our way and tried to take over. Genevieve didn’t like the new regime and tried to continue on her way. I won’t go into too much detail, but just say this ended in a tantrum, Jacinta. Tantrums are sometimes her way of dealing with not getting her way, since she does not often deliberately disobey. When Evie does not get what she wants, she climbs higher or goes back when you are not looking and does what she wants. When she does not get the attention or the spot she wants, she picks at Jacinta (pulls her hair or steps on her) looking for a reaction. Jacinta will surely give her the expected reaction, loud, terrible screams and indignant cries of injustice. Genevieve is then quite pleased with herself. It’s good that I can look at this right now, in the peace of the evening and laugh, because as it’s happening I get close to losing it.

There are always ups and downs. Imagine if there weren’t, life would be dull. I thought I might scream if I had to clean up one more spilled drink or food mess this week. Somehow Keith or Mary happened to pop in and take the kids at the moments needed this week. Once I dragged the girls both down to the garden for a broader outlook, or perhaps to dull the pitch of Jacinta’s obnoxious screams. It made Evie happy, me too, but Jacinta was just continually miserable. She got over it though, and I didn’t go crazy. The laundry takes up so much time, although I do enjoy putting it on the line because it is outside in the breeze, in the sunshine where it is warm and the girls can play nearby. Of course I’d rather spend time in the garden, but gardening just makes more dirty clothes, it doesn’t clean them. After another tear-free preschool day Jess came home and went straight out to the park to play. I came out a few minutes later and she had already taken down half of the dry clothes and put them in the laundry basket, feeling proud and smiling. This was an “up,” my big girl and I finished together while my baby stole all the clothes pins and hid them in trunk of her truck.

There’s something to be said for escapism. Getting out of the house is good in so many ways. The children can’t make the same messes that you tire so easily from cleaning up each day. We visited some new friends from dance class at their house in Nambucca. They are Russian and speak it in the house. Hearing a foreign language was so refreshing, and seeing how another family lives is always interesting. This was the most orderly, pristine, closed up, yet sunlit, and pleasant to sit inside house that I have seen since I left the suburbs of Detroit. There were beautiful classical paintings everywhere, I later found out that it was my friend Olga who had painted them all. The girls all enjoyed themselves, playing giddily from start to finish. Yet those messes that aren’t made at your house are made at someone else’s house. Cleaning up at someone else’s house feels like volunteer work, it makes you feel good, not annoyed. The girls and I then went to the beach/park nearby. Evie napped while Jacinta played, we picnicked and eventually went out for a dip in the water while the sun was hot. Although I should have made them stay dry with their colds, I love watching the girls in the water. This is children’s meditation: no questions, no toys or games necessary, just pure enjoyment of the earth’s elements. Remarkably, there is no mess either, just a bunch of wet clothes and a mess to clean up when you get home. This mess, I suppose is well worth it.

I don’t talk too much about my growing dislike of cleaning, as Jacinta already has a thing about not wanting to get dirty. The other day she started to papier-mache with Keith. They needed to do a second layer and she didn’t want to get dirty again. If I had chided her for dirtying clothes, I’d understand but I encourage her to get dirty. Maybe that’s the problem! Perhaps I should recommend that she stay clean, then she might want to get dirtier.

My friend Sara popped in the other day bearing gifts! She brought a huge box of oranges freshly picked from her tree and a bouquet of flowers. This shocked me to see my friend carrying her two week old baby down the hill with this box in her arms. What had I done to deserve this? Just for being a good friend, she said. Matt gets published in a book for his boost, this was my boost. She also brought me five kilos of fresh whole blackfish and mullet. This was an up, until I realized the fish had guts in them. Keith helped me though and made it fun. I had never gutted or filleted fish before. Just touching a fish makes me think of my grandpa though. My mom said she used to gut fish as a job in Seattle, I’m sure my dad did his share too. So although it was rather disgusting and made a huge stinky mess (which I had to later sterilize and burn out the smell so Matt wouldn’t come home and vomit), I ended up enjoying the process, not to mention the tasty fish.

So it has been a full week of cooking, cleaning, breaking up fights, spreading cheer, changing nappies, wiping noses and bums, laughing, playing and watching the girls grow. I spent a few nights writing some thoughts on war, terrorism and rebellion in French for my friend Khady, in response to her request for our thoughts on these three words. She is about to earn her doctorate in philosophy in France, but first needs to complete her thesis which is a philosophical response to the major problems of the 21st century. This felt good to put my mind on something so academic. I also found out that my stepdad George had his second surgery on his carotid artery and that all is well. He came out of surgery to find out that his son and his wife are pregnant for the first time. Can’t ask for much more!

Although I do tire of housework and seemingly trivial girly squabbles, I can’t ask for much more either. I just went to put on my Ugg boots and found the two objects that Evie and I had been hiding in Jacinta’s boots. When the game so spontaneously started ended abruptly in a Jacinta tantrum, Genevieve went on playing alone. The funny thing is that she left the three pairs of boots we were playing with in the lounge room, sought my big boots in the corner of my room, and left them there. The apple and the ball sat in my Ugg boots waiting for hours to give me a fright and make me giggle.

Have a lovely week. I hope you find some treasures in your shoes too!

Peace,
Shana

Cozy little house

The dancing flames are more than beautiful right now. Fire is tantalizing, it draws you in, but tonight I am not watching the flames. The fire is our heater. Growing up in a cold part of the USA, fire meant cracking nuts with my family, cuddling on the couch, listening to mom or dad play the piano. At camp it came to mean stars, s’mores, loud children’s songs and skits. In Honduras fire meant tortillas and dinner being cooked. In a remote area of the Pyrénées mountains I spent hours cooking chapattis and raspberry jam on the fire. In Matt’s and my first home together we had fires outside in our chiminea just for fun. If we wanted warmth, we’d have stayed inside. Those fires were a good way to spend time outside at night and burn up off fallen branches from the back yard. These fires often involved a glass of wine, a guitar, some knitting, and friends. Tonight I sit in the little house that Matt built in the hills of the Nambucca Valley of Australia, enjoying the warmth. I miss all the old fires in my life, but I surely love the new fires. I’ve been rooting for a fireplace since Matt and I got married. Voila, ten years later, he cuts the hole in the roof to put in the chimney and installs the whole thing himself. Tonight he hooked up a fan to blow the heat all through the house. It seems to be working. Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago with no idea on how houses or built, I never could have guessed I’d marry someone who would build our house. Matt’s grandpa built his own house, but I don’t think Matt imagined he would do the same thing.

It is cozy sitting here in my Ugg boots next to the newly hung curtains. They block out the chill of the windows. Last week I said making curtains was a fun task, hee hee. By the end, it became a drag. I understand why people buy pre-fabbed curtains, but nonetheless, I’ll do anything I can to save money, to come up with something exactly as I imagine it, and to prove to myself that I can. Thus, it was a good project. Wednesday Matt had his first RDO (Rostered Day Off) because of a dental appointment. He had already installed all of the rods, but was able to help me hang the last huge curtains. We now have no curtainless, chilly windows. This is also how Matt found the time to get up on the roof in daylight and install the fireplace, thanks RDO. It was shocking that evening, the warmth and the fact that we had actually finished two major winter preparations on the same day after planning them for months.

The girls are sounds asleep and Matt is watching a scary movie in another room.
He enjoys his weekends, as do most working people. He is tired, but energetic having put in a good week’s work and getting paid for it. This morning he took Jacinta and Genevieve to dance while I gardened. He did some brick work on the fireplace, relaxed and worked on his book. The table of contents is now almost complete. You can have a peek if you like at www.originallyblessed.org . This is quite an achievement because it means that all of his contributors are actually locked in and most have sent in their work. In a few weeks book orders can also be made on the website, the printer is ready to go. It will be printed soon, as the conference at which he will launch Originally Blessed is in July.

My choir sings in many beautiful languages, thanks to our director Fiona. Right now we are singing a Cuban freedom march, numerous South African freedom songs (with clicks!), a Bulgarian love song, a few Latin and French Taizé chants, a Mexican carol, a Tahitian song, and a few African American spirituals. I can’t believe my luck, running into my dream choir in this small town (which doesn’t seem so small anymore). I have sang in choirs since age seven, singing in Italian, French, German and English, of course. My church choir sang a few African songs, but generally my choirs were pretty Eurocentric. To understand the words or to feel the vibrations, the harmonies, the rhythm, this is always a question. Although I could pretend to be linguist since I majored in French, I am certainly one to happily ignore language and feel the notes. Thus singing in foreign languages is great for me, as it also adds a new element: totally new harmonies, rhythm and soul. One new thing is that solos are sung without written music, and I actually have to listen to the choir before I come in, rather than just counting and watching the music. Sometimes I have to close my eyes to tune out and listen for the rhythm. This is an amazing feeling, singing above awesome harmonies, bellowing a different line and feeling the wholeness of the music, of the group. The choir went out for coffee afterwards for the first time this week. Matt had picked the girls up after work and took them home to bed. I felt like a giddy teenager out past my bedtime. As the girls get older, I’m sure I’ll feel this freedom more and more, and miss the times when they needed me constantly.

Monday afternoon I had a Mother’s Day massage while Keith took Jacinta for ice cream and Evie slept in the pram. A masseuse can rub bones you didn’t even know existed and bring out pain you didn’t know you had. I find that amazing, perhaps a little troubling also. Afterwards, we ran a few errands, one of which was very exciting. We bought train tickets to go to Sydney and meet my sister Lecia and her family at the airport. We also bought their return tickets to come North to Macksville to stay with us after our 3 days of tourism in the big smoke. All relaxed and happy, we came home for French class. This was the first time Genevieve stayed with us for the entire class. Usually she stays with my friends, whining the whole time feeling bad about being left behind. It was a good change, she played along very well. She hears French a lot anyway. Unlike Jacinta, she doesn’t insist on English. At naptime, I read her to sleep with French poetry.

Genevieve’s week was spent teething, eating, enjoying the outdoors, climbing anything and anyone, trying out new words, and moving objects from one place to another. I haven’t given her chick peas in a few weeks, but she loves them. The last time she saw them she wasn’t saying anything but mommy and da. Today she saw them and before I said anything, she excitedly said, “chih pea!” This is evidence that they really are filing things in their brains, waiting until their mouths can express what their ears took in a while ago. She also started saying Jacinta’s name, “Jinta.” We made play dough and let Evie join in when it was time to play. She only licked it a few times, but mainly enjoyed squishing it and moving it from container to container. This has been a major pastime this week: putting things away. She loves tipping the crayons out of the box after she packs them away, then picking them up one by one, methodically laying them out on a chair. She is starting to associate certain cupboards with certain items. Every time she goes past Keith and Mary’s fridge she insistently requests, “Gay, gay, gay!” (grapes). Whenever she passes their pantry, she calls out, “BOH, BOH!” (bone) wanting to give Jedda a bone. She doesn’t really want to give the dog a bone, she wants to run around with it, have Jedda follow her and chew on it herself. She’s a funny little girl.

Jacinta also loves to grab your attention and to laugh. Sometimes she goes on laughing just to hear what it sounds like, well, it seems that way. Genevieve thinks it’s funny, but even her friend Lilly has tried to tell her, “Jacinta, stop laughing. It’s not funny.” This gives her all the more energy to keep it up. She has watched Lilly and Aidan’s response to their little baby brother Henry pulling their hair, it is laughter whereas Jacinta’s is anger and a sense of inequality. Once this week, when Evie hurt her, she started to get angry and forced a laugh out. It was a strange laugh. I could see how hard it was for her but her strong will pushed it out.

Jacinta had a lot of crafty energy this week, spending hours with play dough, taping and stapling papers together, colouring, decorating with stickers. My mom sent her hundreds of stickers, so many that she actually admitted that it was too much for her and wanted to share rather than hoarding them. She made us each a ring with them, made cards, and constantly put them on our hands and gave them to Evie for pure entertainment. She made birthday cakes for herself with play dough, even singing to herself in anticipation of her upcoming 4th birthday. She enjoyed preschool on Tuesday from start to finish, no tears. This made us all smile in relief.

Genevieve and I spent preschool day moseying around the house and playing in the garden. We hopped back and forth between gardens to keep her spirits up, weeding, and discovering the few successful seeds. Slimy, crawly creatures keep Evie happy for a while, but fatigue eventually wins. She had a two hour nap that day, wonder of wonders. It may be that she has a cold, she and Jacinta caught colds again. Keith and Mary have them too. It was another week full of herbs, liquids, cough syrup, vitamin C, the humidifier and without much dairy. Nonetheless, we had a lovely week, it is only the nights that they seem sick.

I’ll close with a good picture of our meandering days and what kind of activities pop out of nowhere. Genevieve and I went out to hang laundry on the line. Jacinta decides to join us, taking a break from crafty creation at her desk. She does trick after trick calling out every minute, “Watch this Mom!” Genevieve is taking clothespins out of my bucket, walks them up the hill, one by one, to put them in a stone plant pot, marvelling at her work. Keith comes out to feed the chickens. I mention that there are some ripe guavas on the tree above the old chook pen. Keith pulls out the ladder, climbs precariously up it, stands in the tree, contemplating how we can get up ten feet higher. He lays out a plank of wood across the weak roof, and I take his place, walking out on it to pick the guavas. Keith is helping me as I gain my balance on the tree and before we can do anything about it, Genevieve is halfway up the ladder. All I can do is pull her up on the roof and let her pick a guava, then passing her back down to Keith. Jacinta then decides that she is done doing tricks and needs to come up the ladder and get a guava. So Keith and I help her up and down, guava in hand. After I collect about twenty-five pieces almost ripe guava, some munched by fruit bats I climb down and we enjoy them at the swing set.

Although my feet have frozen in the time I have been writing and gloating about our fireplace and curtains, I still maintain that we are incredibly lucky to be in this paradise. My friend Khady of whom I have spoken many times, studying in Paris, missing her family in Senegal, has found a good job in a non-profit in Dakar, her home town. Next month she will return home to live with her husband and eldest daughter to live surrounded by her huge, loving family. China, Burma, wars, rebellion, terrorism, famine. Yes, we know of immeasurable pain and suffering in the world. What does the information do for us? Make us sad and miserable? Make us feel lucky, or guilty or unjustly privileged or just aware and informed? Does it make us yearn for change? Whatever it does for us, we must also rejoice at the little victories against the odds whether they occur in our homes, our towns or in the poorest, most remote places in the world. Search out a few little triumphs this week and rejoice.

Peace to you all,
Shana

Bah Moo

Good evening y’all. Today was a day to celebrate motherhood, so of course it was a lovely day being celebrated and celebrating mothers. I was woken by Genevieve poking at my eyes, soon followed by Jacinta showering me with cards. I didn’t get much sleep, so I imagine I wasn’t very exciting to awake, groggy, eyes half-open, trying my best to genuinely show my gratitude. After I woke and gave the girls some “molasses milk,” Matt whisked them away for a stroll into town. I was left to wake up slowly, with no one to feed. In my unusual morning freedom, I could think of nothing else but calling my mom. Her voice sounded so close, what a way to start the day.

I then made myself a cup of tea and strolled around the garden. I marvelled at everything for a while, then threw some seeds in the ground. Just as I was finishing up, I heard the girls chirping upon return. Matt made pancakes for all of us, Mother’s Day breakfast. Pancakes with honey, berries and cream poured on top are so nice. Cream is something Aussies use more than Americans. I keep it in the fridge for soups and porridge. Our friend Craig uses loads of fresh cream in his coffee. I guess if you’re worried about fat, it might not be such a good habit to adopt. For now, we’re not worried. Genevieve and Jacinta love cream, always hoping for a sneaky spoonful.

On the food front, it seems that my diminishing attention on food preparation is helping Jacinta. She doesn’t seem to get hungry at every down moment in the day.
I try not to think about meals until they are about to happen. The only downside is the need to thaw certain ingredients. For snacks we grab a piece of fruit, rather than making a batch of cookies. Jacinta misses the baked goods though. When I ask her what she wants to do in the day, she often suggests baking something. We did make some muffins last week, but I resisted the urge to make granola and we had rice porridge each morning. With cinnamon, crushed nuts, cream and some stewed pears, brown rice seems like dessert. I suppose it is. Starting the day with dessert isn’t so bad.

We’re getting used to Matt leaving in the morning. Genevieve has taken to saying “Bye bye” to Matt as soon as he puts a nice shirt on in the morning. He enjoys his work. The girls stay up later at night to catch up on lost daddy time. Jacinta then sleeps in so late she almost misses Matt. One morning we decided to wake her so she could say goodbye but it backfired. He was gone so quickly that she cried, sobbing, “Daddy…. I just have to tell you one more thing!” We ran up to the car but in her tears, she forgot what she wanted to say. Genevieve inevitably wakes relatively early. Although one morning Matt left us all sleeping so the girls were extremely happy to see him when he came home that night.

Genevieve is finding a rhythm, lo and behold after 14 months. I am no longer giving her milk in the daytime so she is eating better. She is down to one nap a day, around noon or 1pm. She goes to sleep in her crib while I sit close by as she whimpers herself to sleep. If I hold her she pushes away or tries to get milk. It’s sad to hear her cry but she is so tired and I have tried everything. This is working!!! She is sleeping between forty minutes and two hours. This is very nice for Jacinta and I. My big girl needs some time without her sweet, curious, destructive one year old sister around. Today Jacinta and I went outside to build a lean-to shelter and climb a tree, things we can only do if she naps. Genevieve sleeps so long now that I actually have a chance to rejuvenate and am excited to pull her out of her crib when she wakes up. Today she woke up smiling and even lay back relaxing in her crib, laughing at Jacinta and I.
Jacinta was not a climbing baby. She is cautious, unless surrounded by bean bags and pillows. She holds my hand when balancing on curbs or when she is going to jump more than a foot below her. A while back, I spotted a good climbing tree close to the house. It had huge thorns on the thin branches, but the limbs were safe. So I knocked off all of the thorny branches and cleared the base of the tree. Jacinta’s sister and her best friend Lilly are climbers. Naturally, she thinks she should be also. At first she was quite happy for me to plop her in the tree and sit there. But today, she climbed up and down that tree until she could do it confidently all by herself. At first she wanted me next to her, coaching her on what to do with her body next. By the end she was climbing with her “fishing pole” in hand so she could “fish for sharks” while sitting in the tree. I tried not to show too much excitement for her accomplishment, for it was hers. Her pride and smile were enough. She often seeks approval for every hop, skip and jump she does. This was clearly something she knew was good enough to just enjoy it on her own.

This is something we are trying to help her learn amidst her incessant competition with Lilly. You are wonderful, it doesn’t matter who’s better, bigger, older, faster. It feels strange talking about these issues already. I suppose it’s something they can learn on their own, but I just can’t stand conflict. Jacinta plays with her older friend Josephine and there is no disagreement ever. Jacinta and Lilly are like siblings: at each other constantly. The battle of wills is fierce, both very strong minded, stubborn and leaders. Their new friend Adelle balances them out, somewhat. Sometimes she just sits and stares in bewilderment while they fight and desperately seek to impress each other. The other day Jacinta fell off her swing set doing a dangerous trick, almost landing on her neck. Keith asked her why she did the trick and without a thought, she replied, “Lilly does it!” It has begun, the process of reteaching our little girl to love herself, to find that toddler confidence in herself.

It is amazing to see the awesome baby confidence in Genevieve and see the circle go round to Jacinta. So far we have seen how they evolve from these helpless little creatures, to proud tiny people, to insecure little people who want so desperately to be loved by everyone. Genevieve is learning words so she can get what she wants. “Din” means I want a drink! “Cha” means jump. “Stah” are the beautiful little lights she sees in the sky. “Mooh” is both the moon and every animal. We thought it was cow, but she calls horses, sheep and cows “mooh.” Matt heard her say, “Bah Mooh” tonight as she waved to a cow, saying goodbye. Dogs are “wah wah.” Jacinta’s drink bottle is Evie’s favourite cup, but any bottle is “bahl.” “Joo” is juice and any time she sees you drinking juice, she relentlessly calls out “joo, joo, joo” until you kindly give her a sip. “Chee” cheese is one of her favourite things to eat, that and “gay,” grapes and “nanas.” “Nuh” nuts and “Toh” (pop’s toast) are also things she likes. Now that she is having less breast milk she is eating lots of food. Nevertheless, she still enjoys chewing on “sooh” shoes. She seems happier, as am I. Weaning seems to work well if both mom and baby are ready, and I believe we are!

Matt got off the bus and picked both girls up from choir on Thursday night, leaving me on my own to sing. He put them both to bed. This is normal for Jacinta, but a first for Genevieve. She slept until 5:30 that night, what a treat. I never appreciated solitude like I do now. Both Matt and I stay up unreasonably late to clock in our alone time and prepare us for the next day. Wednesday my friend Trish came to help me make curtains. We assumed one of us would play with the girls while the other worked, but Keith took them to the park! What a lucky few hours those were, daytime with a friend, no children, a sunny day and a fun job to do. The girls came back long before we finished, luckily, we were accomplishing far too much. Trish brought Jacinta a huge box of stamps to play with, great entertainment for both girls. Genevieve inevitably got into the ink. Nothing is sacred with a climbing baby, Evie’m mouth, hands and hair were black. The girls then played in the bath until they got too cold. The curtain job has dragged on since those first few hours. Last night I was up until 1am. This weekend Matt installed the curtain rods and we have a few curtains up.

We have had a really nice weekend. I suppose having Matt home is a novelty now, so we enjoy our time together more. Yesterday I took the girls to dance, leaving Matt to work on his book and do a few jobs around the house. He built a box to store the wood and support the fireplace, not without Genevieve’s help. He said there were twelve screws and half way though each screw Genevieve grabbed the screwdriver and ran away. Then she had to try getting in the box as each side was attached. Jacinta helped Matt do a few little building jobs too. I suppose building with her daddy has become a novelty, as has cooking with me. Mary comes home on the weekends. The girls love having the freedom to go between all four of us adults and travel in and out of doors and run from one end of the house to the other, when possible. During the week I try to have a little more rhythm to our days, but the weekends must be different. Mary and I take turns cooking, well actually, I cook once for everyone and Mary does the rest. She cooks more meat, so Matt ups his meat intake on the weekends, preparing him for another week of Shana meals. Keith, Matt and Jacinta’s favourite is sausages and chips and Mary likes to make them happy. This also frees me up to make some really green and fishy meal that only I would eat, and well, Genevieve too, until she has the option.

With the luxury of Mary cooking dinner last night, Matt and I took the girls on an evening stroll out on the road. The last few minutes of daylight are always precious, the way the disappearing light looks on the hills, trees, cows, and horses. Genevieve pointed out a flock of ducks overhead. Both girls go into a sing-songy meditative mode while being pushed in the pram. Genevieve sways and smiles while Jacinta sings melodic unrecognizable syllables. On our way home from our friends’ house tonight we saw three kangaroos on the road. Genevieve had never seen a kangaroo before, but sensed our excitement and knew how special it was.

Soon my sister and her family will be here, in about 5 weeks. I hope we can find her a kangaroo too. My little niece Paige will be baptized in a few hours in Milwaukee. After getting through George’s first surgery on his arteries, my mom and George have finally made it out there to meet their new grand daughter. Mother’s Day weekend and a baptism all at once. It is a special time, a time I’d normally be terribly homesick. But they will soon be here, finally bridging the gaping hole in not having any of my family really know where I live and spend my days. A good friend here in Australia gave birth on Tuesday, one month after my sister. Now I have a little baby to remind me of what Paige might be doing. A good friend back in Michigan had a baby too. I am starting to plan my next visit to the US, so I feel closer. Matt is at peace, he is much more relaxed than he has been in the past year or two. Keith and George need some extra healthy energy sent their way. Burma needs more help than I can contemplate. No doubt, life’s pretty lucky for us right now.

Here’s hoping that some of the luck we have oozes out onto those who really need some.

Peace,
Shana

131 Less is More

Good evening kind souls. What a lucky way to start out my journal: sitting at the computer with a fancy cup of coffee (made by Matt) and a baked apple topped with cream and cinnamon syrup (made by Matt and Jacinta). You might ask, “What is going on? Did Matt take over the cooking because you’re easing off?” Not really, I just had a lucky day. He made pancakes for breakfast and later wanted to try out the one recipe he is putting in his book, submitted by an inspiring food lover. Originally Blessed is inspired by the concept that Adam’s supposed original “sin” in biting the apple was never wrong or sinful, but good and representative of humankind’s wonderful gift of intellect and our longing for knowledge. Thus, there is an apple on the front cover, hence the reason for the one recipe: baked apples. Lucky for me, an unexpected delicious dessert on a Sunday night.

The girls are both sleeping, it is silent. Our windows and doors are all shut tight, tighter than ever. Matt worked on the door seal this weekend, effective already. The sky is clear, the stars are amazing, the air is cold. I am feeling satisfied today, the house is tidy enough to give me space to breathe. The girls had a happy day, played with everyone in the house at some point. I had a few hours in the garden while the girls were on a walk to town with Matt, starting my day out in observation of plant life and soil life. There was silence, enough to contemplate tasks that need attention and learn from my mistakes. These few hours made the rest of the day feel so nice. Keith helped me prepare a neat garden bed in a sunny portion of the orchard garden, weeding, spreading newspaper, compost, blood and bone, lime and woodchips.

I usually make small paths and large beds, but Keith is helping me do the opposite for the sake of neatness, child accessibility, and less weeding. My initial garden plan was: “Throw in a bunch of seeds, what’s meant to come up will come up. Don’t plant in neat rows, or put too many of the same plant in one place for it will attract pests.” It turns out that it’s hard to walk through a messy garden, and hard to remember what was planted in each place when planning for crop rotation. So, my new goal is neatness, and remembering that less is more. I have to come up with a new plan because most of my recent plantings have been failures. The rain surely washed many of the seeds away. I’m not losing hope yet, don’t worry. There just isn’t much to eat in the garden right now. I did notice our first oranges starting to leave their green hue behind for a brighter shade of yellow. And not only have all eighty garlic cloves sprouted but it turns out that I left a few cloves in the ground last time I harvested garlic and all those have now sprouted. We should be set for the year in garlic, that feels good. The neat potato patch that Keith made with me is growing better than anything we have. He attributes their vitality to the comfrey leaves he placed at the base of each mound.

If only a few comfrey leaves could clear out Keith and George’s arteries. Not only is my step-dad George having surgery to unclog his arteries, but Keith will soon have his surgery too. As with George this is all new. Keith works like a horse and is finding it hard to slow down. His body is telling him he must, and I think he is finally listening. The girls have no idea, and surely aren’t helping him slow down, but they will learn. None of us are very good at encouraging Keith to slow down as we are so used to all of the work he does around the property. Ideally we could take on many of his tasks, but what would he do then? One hope is that he does enjoy watching old Western movies and listening to music on the computer. We’ll just have to keep the girls from begging him to play Hide and Seek and teach Evie how to sit down and read a book like her big sister. Hmm…..that’ll be tricky.

The girls love to play hiding games. Genevieve pretends to count now: “Nee New Nee New, Nee New” but has a hard time closing her eyes  She acts surprised to find someone after openly peeking at the players hiding. The girls have a few garden ornaments in the shapes of mushrooms they like to hide from each other. Again, Evie will watch you hide the mushrooms, then go directly to them and exclaim, “AHHHHHH” as if she is surprised to have come across the purple and red cement mushrooms. She likes to be chased, whether because she has taken something forbidden or playing hide and seek. She’ll start a game by running away and hiding behind the door. You might not realize she has left the room or that you are playing a game until you walk through the door, look down and she exclaims, “AHHH,” meaning, “You found me!” There is seldom a dull moment these days.

The girls and I kept very busy this week, spending most of our time in town or walking to and fro. We went “ opp shopping,” we call thrift shops opportunity shops here. It’s lucky they have a toy section to occupy the girls as I tend to stay a long while. We found warm weather gear: curtains, pants, a music/jewelry box, cloth bags, shoes, etc…We took a break in between shops to picnic by the river and met a really friendly Maori guy from New Zealand who kept offering the girls hot chips and “devon” (bologna). Jacinta sat in awe staring at his niece, a local aboriginal girl, while she climbed the rock barefoot, and found what she wanted, an oyster. Usually the local aboriginal people don’t chat or even make eye contact with us, unless you ask a question or one of you has a pressing need. So obviously, I was feeling lucky that day! The next day I was even luckier. While pushing the pram up a steep hill before the Wilson Bridge, an obvious tourist excused himself for taking a photo of the girls and I, “I am sorry, I am from France.” Of course, French starved me happily stayed to chat a while.

Add to these two pleasant encounters a new friend from playgroup with a little girl 5 days younger than Jacinta, gentle, kind and also a doll-lover. Friday Jacinta had Lilly, Adelle and Douglas here to play and what a difference to have some new energy to balance out these girls, it was awesome! Good thing because Lilly gave Jacinta the cold shoulder and refused to even say hello the other day at pre-school. By the end of t he day, they were content and affectionate. Then on Thursday Jacinta decided to try out Lilly’s tricks, “I don’t like you,” she hesitantly told Lilly while they fought for space in a tube slide. She lightly tapped her on the leg seeing what it felt like to hit somebody. Lilly came back at her sweeter than ever, “But I love you.” They fight like little cats, but then cuddle like them also. Lilly seems to have thicker skin though. I suppose Jacinta is toughening up with her two roughest teachers: Lilly and Genevieve.

Evie will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. She spends a lot of time in pursuit of the big box of markers. She correctly sensed I was too busy to notice with guests in the house. After a long peaceful silence I belatedly checked on her, finding her covered in ink with every single lid off each of the 60 markers. As you can imagine, she was in heaven. I should win the careless mother award because just an hour later we found she and Henry (also one year old ) with Jacinta’s entire bead box up-ended, and again in perfect bliss, smiling from ear to ear. I doubted she’d had time to swallow any, but later found seven in her diaper, beautifully digested. Anissa cleaned them all up, reminding herself why she has not bought Lilly any beads.

Messes, messes. As I am cooking less and playing more, the messes are easier to clean. Jacinta actually wants to help cook now, there is a sign of it becoming a novelty. The other day we made cinnamon rolls for playgroup, Jacinta’s favourite thing to cook. Being out all the time makes more mess though. I come home with bags of stuff and then rush to throw dinner together. We have good fun-filled days with the house terribly trashed by the time the girls go to bed. In the evenings I have been cleaning, but with the added bonus of a book tape, what a great concept. I have been listening to Chocolat and either cleaning or knitting. That evening alone time is essential. Saturday night I fell asleep with Jacinta at 8pm, waking at midnight in a grumpy mood. It may have been that the house was still trashed and that I had wasted my only solitude. So I woke up, cleaned the house and listened to the Ipod. After three episodes of Prairie Home Companion’s Lake Woebegone, a song by Matt Watroba popped up on shuffle. Matt Watroba hosted the Folks Like Us music program on public Detroit radio fro almost 20 years. His music, as it turns out, brought tears to my eyes. It brought back memories of listening to great live music, black and white people coming together in song, the civil rights movement, friends from Detroit, life before children, and my family. Of course my mind wandered to how far away I am now, how permanent it seems when you plant over 20 trees and build your own house, and to how American I really am. Eventually I sat down and called my sister. While knitting in the beautiful silence I was able to really talk with my sister for over an hour. Although I went to bed at 3am, I woke up refreshed. This is what I needed.

What Matt needed was a job, and voila, it came. It has been three full weeks now and he is starting to feel more knowledgeable. He has his own clients now, people to whom he is responsible for finding them in home care to enable them to recover well. From cleaning services to cooking services, he works out the schedule. The other day he came home happy, having had the chance to help out a extraordinarily lovely elderly couple that day. He takes the bus a few times a week. The girls sometimes come along to pick him up at night from the bus stop. Jacinta is so excited about seeing the bus and honking at Matt to let him know we are there. Unfortunately, due to my inevitable lateness, she hasn’t seen the bus yet and honks at Matt once he is already in the car, startling passers-by.

The other day while walking in town, Jacinta was thinking about Matt. She said, “When daddy gets home…I am going to ask him to hang me upside-down.” She is starting to see the weekends and her time with Matt as really special. Matt too, really enjoys the weekends. He worked on the fireplace, sealing up leaks that would make it less efficient. Jacinta helped in her own way. Friday night we had a little fire in it outside. Matt will install it sometime in the next few weeks. As he works on the fireplace, my contribution to warmth will be curtains. Wish me luck in the upcoming inevitable frustration with sewing. There will be a warm light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care y’all. For the moment, the chill in the air is too much and all I can do is go to bed. Enjoy the spring!

Peace,
Shana