Keeping your eyes on the moon

Hello loved ones. It is finally cold enough here to mention it. My feet were frozen all day long. This may be more because I was ill and not very active. By 10am, I finally took the girls outside to warm up, and then regretted having stayed inside so long. The sun is quite a novelty lately with all of the rain we’ve had. In my attempt to lay low today, I sat down next to the girls’ swing set and watched gusts of wind blow down yellow leaves from the great big deciduous tree in the yard. Later on I sat in a bean bag on the veranda nursing Genevieve and watching hundreds of black, blue, red and white butterflies pollinating flowers on another tree. It’s unfortunate that I have to get sick to slow down. The girls don’t slow down when they are sick, well, with colds. Jacinta had a rapidly passing stomach flu last night which knocked her off her feet at 3pm. She woke up the next day chipper. Mine has lingered for about 32 hours so far, poor me 

Matt and I had another great Yahtzee conversation, leading to my realization (a long time coming) that I need to spend a little less time cooking. Anyone else could have seen this need, but I needed to come up with it on my own. So voila, reality check that pretending to live in the 1800s and need to make my own bread is a bit silly. I spend hours preparing food because I love doing it and don’t want genetically modified food in our bellies. But then I spend a lot of time cleaning up, and not much time playing with the girls. I can get them involved sometimes, but mostly, it’s becoming just another thing to keep me away from them. They inevitably go off in search of better options: Pop who drops everything for them. So I have decided to cook less and prepare simpler meals, and with that, I must accept a lesser quality of food. I became totally food obsessed about 8 years ago. Given that I have been around for thirty years, the majority of my life was spent not caring much about what I ate, as long as it was quick, cheap and preferably fat free. So far we’ve done alright, peanut butter sandwiches and carrots instead of fish and salad or fruit instead of homemade cookies. I figure someday I’ll have more time and might be happy to spend more time cooking again. For the moment, I’d like my girls to remember playing with me rather than waiting for me to finish cooking.

Ironically, we spent Friday at our friends Craig and Anissa’s house making bread and pasta (from scratch). Craig wanted to learn how to make bread rise better. With my coaching, he made it rise better than I ever have. It’s a good thing that I have passed on the will to make bread. Now I can take a break and buy some. He also wanted to try out rolling his own pasta. This is something I did with my parents as a child, and loved. It’s one of those things you do once, enjoy the process and go on buying it from the shop knowing how much time you are saving. The kids had fun (hmmm…if you call learning patience and whining for their next turn fun) turning the crank and munching on the noodles that were too short to hang. Jacinta enjoyed rolling out the bread with the knowledge that she was the only kid that had ever done it before. Most of all they enjoyed playing together all day. At one point an electric bubble blower emerged and Jacinta happened to be on the toilet. She yelled out for help from the bathroom, “Quick dad! There’s bubbles out there!” The children also loved eating the warm bread. The pasta mostly ended up on the floor, so I’m not sure they appreciated the springy texture of homemade pasta. The adults all had a big glass of wine as soon as we finished coaching the kids through pasta making and of course, enjoyed all of the food, so lovingly made.

This big cooking frenzy was Matt’s first public holiday (ANZAC Day). The relief he feels from having a full time job enables him to happily spend an entire day with friends. Just a month ago he would have felt unworthy of spending a whole day without working on the house or his book. The job is going fine, I don’t hear much. Always a man with few words to describe his work, Matt has already warned me that this job will not give him much to say after work. He has seen a few clients, met the team with whom he will work. He is learning to help people who have just come home after hospitalization, to connect them to the services they need. He took the bus once, said it was long but a good break from driving and a chance to leave me the car. I am grateful for the mobility!

The days are much longer now that Matt is gone from 7:30 until 5:15. I’m finding a new rhythm, but it has been hard in the rain. We went out puddle jumping one morning. Evie had her first experience of being soaked from head to toe, sitting in puddles and being able to run through them. Jacinta’s new role on muck walks is calling out, “Come on! Let’s go to the next puddle!” Needing to get out, one day I decided to risk it and stroll them into to town. We collected treasures en route, had a long play and picnic at a park, ran a few errands, raced from one tree to the next, and somehow beat the rain once again. The girls are adjusting to having no one to peak at throughout the day, no one to show their artwork or funny hats. Jacinta played in her bedroom for about an hour today, looking through her drawers, picking out interesting things to wear for herself and Evie. No doubt, the girls are really excited to see Matt when he gets home.

Matt took the girls on two long strolls into town this weekend. They played at the park and did some shopping. Matt said that Evie spotted the moon in broad daylight and en route to town, kept looking back over her shoulder to gaze at it, saying Moo!
She also says “Moo” for every animal, chickens, pigs, horses, wombats and cows. Saturday morning Lily, Aidan, Henry and Craig (dad) showed up having walked here from town just as Matt was about to leave with the girls for town. It’s quite a hike for children, so they waited a while then turned back. This was Jacinta’s first time walking all the way to town (save one major knee scrape that necessitated a stroller ride down the hill). They played hard at the park, and both girls fell asleep on the way home and slept in the stroller for an hour after they arrived home!

Sadly, when Jacinta woke up she remembered her knee injury. While I fixed it up, she solemnly said, “Mommy, do you know what Lily said?” “She said that ONLY big kids can go on this slide.” It took a while but I figured out that Lily had meant that Jacinta was not allowed on the slide. “She also said that I wasn’t her friend today, that only Aidan was her friend.” I asked her what she said to Lily. She said, “I just kept on following her.” What a hard lesson to learn for a child who seeks approval constantly, to choose solitude over meanness. We can only hope she learns this lesson.

A lesson for me to learn is how to avoid cluttering the house to the point of insanity. I suppose it is not just me, there are 3 other people to clutter up every square inch of this house. When Matt took the girls out on Saturday, I did not go to the garden. I covered the table in the house’s clutter and redistributed it all, two table-fulls. My free time on Sunday was spent in the garden, and oh it was lovely. I sprayed aphids on the citrus trees, fertilized them all with liquid manure, and mulched the potatoes. The garlic bulbs have all nearly sprouted, but I have had a near complete failure with all other seed plantings. I think I’ll blame the excessive rain.

I may be slightly ill and unable to grow seeds, but we do have a lot for which to be grateful. Matt is happily working and is still able to keep up his work editing Originally Blessed. He has already bought his ticket to come out to the US this summer to launch the book at a Creation Spirituality Conference. Matt and I went out without children this weekend to dinner, walked along a starry boardwalk at the beach and saw more stars than we’ve seen since Senegal. The girls happily stayed home in the good caring hands of Mary and Keith. How lucky we are. Genevieve laughs a lot and is saying a few more words now, “Mommy” and “Daddy” very clearly now, “brella” for umbrella, “bubbles,” “poppy,” and “au revoir” (goodbye in French). Jacinta is starting to enjoy herself more at pre-school. Most importantly, my step-dad had a successful surgery unblocking one of his carotid arteries on Friday.

I was very conscious of this blocked artery all week. George’s physical blockage made me very conscious of the mental blocks within me and the crap surrounding me in my own house. So on that note, I wish you a week of unclogging things, clearing out blocked pathways, whatever they may be. Perhaps I’m living vicariously through the spring cleaning that may be going on in my home country.

Take care.
Peace,
Shana

Our hands are flowers

Hello there  I’ve just come in out of the rain, the incessant rain. It has been dark for a few hours, but I wanted to take advantage of the wet ground and weed a garden. A garden outside your bedroom window is one you want relatively pleasant-looking. Nonetheless, it took me months to feel the obligation. Matt doesn’t usually make any suggestions on garden work, but this one he did. That didn’t push me enough. It wasn’t until I went to pick some thyme and it was almost dead, having been crowded out by weeds. It’s always peaceful gardening in the dark night, knowing the only thing that will force me to stop is fatigue (or a crying baby). A hot bath after wet gardening is also high on the list of peaceful evening activities. Now with my cup of hot chocolate and a few jars of different dried fruits and nuts surrounding me, I am here to enjoy my weekly date with you all (and the computer). Ahhh…evenings and silence are both so wonderful.

Day time is lovely too, but more exhausting both mentally and physically. Giving love, attention, and care to two sweet little need machines ends up taking about thirteen hours of the day. It seems funny to count the hours. Honestly I hadn’t done it before tonight, but I’ve been contemplating the reason for my inability to focus on anything lately. We had friends over the other night and I heard bits of so many interesting conversations. Five years ago, I’d have excitedly participated. I listened while doing the dishes, ran off to play hide and seek with the children, change Genevieve’s nappy, set up dinner, check on the children. It’s not as if the other adults were sitting around being waited on, they all helped in some way. It’s not a case of poor me doing all the work.

Being the mother/parent at home, I hold the girls’ strings together. I know everything (well, almost) they have said, done, worn, eaten, drank, and played each day. Thus I know (or think I know) what they need. I know about the little fights that Jacinta and Lilly have had and why Jacinta is starting to hit people. I know if Jacinta is feeling particularly threatened or jealous of Evie, or perhaps if she is having a proud day for achieving something new on her own. I know how many times Genevieve has fallen off her chair and how hard she fought fatigue throughout the day. Perhaps it is the burden and joy of all this “knowledge,” combined with my will to carve out a compassionate, comfortable, respectful existence for the girls that keeps me from focusing on one task. I have become a terrible listener. Being a born pleaser, I am busy trying to sense out the girls’ physical and emotional needs and fulfil them before they get hurt. Someone may be speaking to me, but if I sense any form of dis-ease I tune out and analyse the girls’ problems. Being a strong believer in food as medicine, I am often concocting something to lift their spirits and boost their immune system. Missing my faraway loved ones, I am often talking on the phone. Then there is cleaning, which is not a major priority but must be done or we will injure ourselves. Being a control freak, I waste a lot of unnecessary energy. Having moved across the oceans to live on the land, I try to fit in some garden time whenever possible. Being a teacher, I am constantly trying to make everything a teachable moment. Sometimes I wish I could just let down my hair and be their friend, have fun and forget about the potential consequences of letting a few bad behaviours slip by unnoticed. Alas, with all of these things to do and be, I find it hard to stay on task. But hey, I eventually get things done, in a long, meandering, sort of a way.

The chicken pen: this a good example of a long meandering, never-ending project. We have been working on it in dribs and drabs for about five months. Last Tuesday Keith and I did a little work, with Genevieve’s help. Wednesday I worked on the framing all by myself, but couldn’t do much. So another week goes by and we are seemingly no closer to eggs. The three roosters and three bantam hens have become good wild chickens and live in the trees now. The one little chick was picked off by a kookaburra (we think) this week, sad. Jacinta said, “Mommy, I hope the chick is just hiding under the house somewhere.” Me too. She woke up crying that night, having a nightmare about the chickens. She gave no details, just sobbed for a while and ended up taking Matt’s place in our bed. A little hen left us a tiny egg on the veranda, the first egg in months. There’s a good sign.

Jacinta is three years old, almost four, growing into her own little person. She seems anxious, sad, and lost more than I expected her to be. I can’t remember being three, but I imagine childhood as carefree playtime. Since guilt and blame are a major part of me (one I am trying to change), I always wonder if this is something I have done, something common in the eldest child or if it just came with her soul. She makes a big deal about every tiny bump, scrape, or collision but won’t “allow” us to touch or even look at the supposed injury. She’ll cry and sometimes be angry until she finds something to divert her attention. An angry toned, “Oww!” is an expression that Genevieve has heard so much, she now says it too. Evie is learning quickly how to get a reaction from Jacinta, annoying her of course, sometimes just trying to make her say, “Oww!” It sounds terrible but I’ve had to tell Jacinta the story of the boy who cried wolf a few times. Don’t worry, the boy in my story doesn’t get devoured by the wolf. I remember cry babies at school, and how much the children mocked them. Perhaps this is one of my major goals as a socially obsessed mother, preparing her for her peers. Her friends are already tapping into the fun of getting a rise out of Jacinta. Oh la la, it is all beginning.

Jacinta has a lot of anxiety-free, happy hours too. Watching her play with Lilly when they are not fighting is good fun. They come up with intricate imaginative games. The other day I found them in Genevieve’s crib with stuffed animals strewn about. Upon entry into the room, Jacinta informed me, “Mom? Lilly and I don’t mind if the fox cubs poo down our shirts.” Well, that explains everything. Watching her play with her older friend Josephine is also beautiful, shameless adoration of an older sister-like friend. We made play dough with Lilly and Anissa the other day. Although the girls were competing to see who could make a prettier colour, they had a blast rolling, squishing and creating together. Jacinta sits in silence more than I probably would have at age three. The other day, she sat up from her ponderings on the bean bags and said, “Our hands are all flowers.” She held her hand up, looking at her palm as the center, her five fingers as the petals and her wrist as the stalk. Silent observation and meditation is something that comes with her melancholy, brightening her world with awe.

Sitting still is not something Genevieve does at this stage. She is always on the move, climbing on chairs, grabbing things off the table, dropping them on the floor, saying, “Uh Oh!,” sliding off the chair, fetching the lost item, climbing back up and reaching for something even further on the table. Genevieve’s idea of a perfect day would be outside with no clothes on watching chickens, turkeys, cows and butterflies. She’d have a pile of frangipanni flowers at her reach to enjoy picking and sniffing and her family nearby. Her world is energized by movement, not by rest or sleep.

Because she can’t sit still for over five minutes in the high chair, she doesn’t end up getting much food in. Sometimes I speed feed her or keep offering food through her grunts and groaning and these times she gets enough. There is a big beautiful basket of fruit on the table that Genevieve will always reach for. I used to take the fruit off her as she would take one bite out of four different pieces of fruit. Now she’ll grab a banana or a pear and actually eat the whole thing, but on the run. The only foods she will willingly remain in her high chair for a while are frozen peas, chick peas and grapes. While she eats these finger foods, I shove spoonfuls of other food in her mouth. In general, she does better eating on the run.

Matt completed his first week of work at Community Care Options. It’s funny to see him pack a quick sandwich, grab a banana and a travel mug of coffee and rush off to work, eating on the run like Genevieve. This is something we both did for years before life here in Macksville. But for two years, we haven’t really had a rigorous morning schedule to keep. He is happy to be employed, obviously. He is learning the trade, partnering with other case workers for some first hand experience meeting clients. There is a lot to learn, but he’s quite eager to absorb it all and likes the people he has met so far.

The girls and I had our first week with no car. Keith lent us the car when we needed. What a gift as it has been raining and raining. Otherwise I could push into town with the stroller. It just takes more time, which I have! We made granola, bread, and cookies. We played, danced, made music, and enjoyed visits from friends. On Thursday night, we went to a concert with Matt. Although some songs were a bit hoky and the soloists weren’t on key, it was good to see live music, hear some new songs full of Aussie culture, and for Jacinta to see so many instruments. Genevieve missed the whole thing sleeping (the result of no daytime naps), but Jacinta got to play the violin at the intermission. Friday night we had some friends here for dinner and Scrabble. Our friend Brydey gave the girls glitter tattoos. What a thrill for Jacinta. Waking up to see Lilly’s face the next morning was also quite a thrill. Usually she is whisked away sleeping in the night but this time it was raining too hard to go home, so her parents stayed the night too. What better way to spend a rainy weekend: friends, food and Scrabble.

Despite the rain, my friend Trish and I took the girls to the Bellingen markets to buy wool. We were shocked that there were actually vendors there, although there were less. The smoked fish man and the wool lady were not there. Good finds included cotton socks, brightly coloured cement mushrooms to stick in the garden, the herbal lady, and massive bunches of home-grown spinach. We found wool at a local shop instead. It took me over twenty minutes of agony to choose my wool. Jacinta was excited to choose wool for her birthday as I wanted to knit her something. She also requested that I knit Genevieve a matching vest with the wool. (This made me smile of course). She looked at the wool wall, and instantly said, “That one mommy.” What I would give for that decisiveness. Perhaps she’ll teach me someday.

It has been another interesting week. After going through a few hoops, my Permanent Resident status has been granted. I am no longer “temporary.” I can’t vote yet, but I am one step closer. Life is on its way to becoming “normal,” in that one parent is out of the house consistently. We’re working out a new rhythm. I miss having Matt around, but know that it is better this way. I’m sure he misses seeing the girls outside of waking up and going to bed on the weekdays, but finally feels worthy enough to relax on the weekends.

Wishing you relaxation on the weekends, efficiency on the weekdays, and a whole lot of peace everyday.

Peace,
Shana

A job for Da

Hi there  The past week has been full of excitement, more than normal. I am happy to report that Matt found a job and has already started learning the trade of a case worker. He will help elderly and disabled people find the services they need, enabling them to continue living at home. For now, he is shadowing different case workers, asking lots of questions and reading up on all the answers he’ll need to provide. It is a 45 minute commute to Coffs Harbour, which is just fine. He is overjoyed, more relieved than anything to finally be the one they chose and will pay to come to work every day. The girls miss him in the daytime of course. Jacinta in search of some daddy energy in the bedroom/computer room (his former office) asks a few times a day, “When is daddy going to come home?” Genevieve goes to the “office” door, sneakily slides it open, looks around and comes out disappointed. “Da?” Matt knows how lucky he is to have had the chance to spend so much time at home with our girls. The girls will now learn how lucky they were. They will have to learn to smash that time in before and after work and on the weekends.

The autumn season has settled in. Our colds have all gone by now, just a little coughing left in the evenings. The days seem short now, although with Matt gone all day long, they drag on a little bit. It gets dark by six o’clock, by which time we are eating dinner. When night falls, Jacinta proudly remarks, “It’s WAY past my bedtime,” feeling lucky for every minute she is awake in the dark. The temperature is quite pleasant all day long. In the spring and summer, I must get the girls out in the garden between 8 and 10am to avoid the intense heat. This is not easy. With the freedom of autumn, I took the girls down to the garden before lunch the other day for a few lazy hours of play and exploration. Jacinta lazed in the hammock with her dolls, while Genevieve played with chalk and busied herself visiting me in the dirt and exploring the shed and all of its junk. I found quite a few snails, of which Genevieve only ate one. Ooops! Jacinta made a pool for the snails, squished some slugs for me and transported a bunch of fat worms and rotten down logs onto the potato patch. We spotted tens of tiny green frogs on the citrus trees. Evie spotted and observed a few frogs independently, a few crickets also. She liked the worms too, but she tears them in half. Jacinta declared, “I love the garden. Can we stay down here all day Mommy?” She likes to declare newfound love for things lately, no matter how short-lived it may be. I’ll take it though, and hope it lasts at least until the heat returns.

Although I don’t have much to harvest in the garden besides a few cherry tomatoes and some cucumbers, it happens to be pecan, avocado, and guava season. The pecans and avocado trees are on our neighbours’ land down towards the river. They invited us to harvest as many pecans and avocadoes as we could manage. Keith, the girls and I took a few buckets and harvest we did. Jacinta and Genevieve sat on our shoulders pulling down a few nuts, but mostly enjoyed pulling the green husks off of the dry shells. It turns out that these green husks stain your hands black, and your mouth, if you are a teething baby like Genevieve. Our fingernails are all still black after five days. The pecans are sitting in a beautiful wooden bowl in front of me on the kitchen table, drying out before we can crack and eat them.

Besides a lucky harvest, the Macksville show (fair) was this weekend and it was sunny! It has a reputation for bringing rain. We watched wood chopping contests and checked out the cows, goats, chickens, and alpacas. Jacinta enjoyed petting calves, but Evie was actually frightened. This is strange because she will touch a bull, but not a tiny calf. I was more amused by the students from the school where Matt taught. “Hello Mr. Henry!” “Do you live in Macksville?” Children are always very curious about their teacher’s home lives. It’s unfortunate: now that they’ve discovered more about Mr. Henry, they will never see him again. They seemed like really nice children. Perhaps even more interesting for me were the produce contests: prizes for the biggest pumpkin, the nicest citrus fruits, the best canned goods, the best spun wool, the perfectly decorated cake. Jacinta and I decided we will cook something to enter in the baking competitions, just for the sake of getting her involved.

Surely Jacinta has no shortage of activities, she is quite busy these days. She is starting to learn her days by the plans she has: Monday is French class, Tuesday is pre-school, Thursday is playgroup and choir and Saturday is dance class. She loves dancing, being in a gaggle of girls running around. It takes her a while to warm up and realize just how fun it all is. Usually by the last ten minutes she figures it out and runs and smiles non-stop until class is over. Genevieve usually breaks through the door by this time. She stands in the middle of the room and bounces, bending her knees to the music.

Fortunately we have days with no plans and on such days Jacinta asks, “What day is today?” I’ll tell her that it is Wednesday. “No, I mean what HAPPENS today?” Last Wednesday Keith took the girls into town for lunch, leaving me to prepare for my friend Sara’s Blessingway. I had been searching for appropriate poems and songs for weeks and knitting squares for a blanket. So I spent a luxurious hour both swinging in the hammock down in the garden shed and knitting. I haven’t knit so constantly in a while, knitting deadlines aren’t usually my thing. Neither have I spent so many nights reading poetry in search of the “perfect birth poem.” After having spent so much time searching for a poem that praised birth and birthing women as beautifully and reverently as I wished. I should have written one myself. Perhaps I will. In any case, after a few late nights and a lot of fun planning, we threw Sara a lovely Blessingway. Matt took the girls to Craig and Anissa’s to play for the day while I had a long, lovely day surrounded by women. What a treat.

All around, an exciting week. To top it off Genevieve peed on the potty (a fluke). She says “mommy” and “uh oh” very clearly now. She’s teething, a bit clingy and doesn’t let me sleep much, but we’ll get through it. On that note, I should sleep before she wakes up again.

Have a lovely week, enjoy the spring.

Peace,
Shana

Big Cozy Mess

Good evening. A full week it has been, as usual. The mess scattered evenly around the house might provide an accurate account of life at our house this week. There is a half filled package of gifts cluttering the table, alongside half drawn pictures waiting to be finished and sent to my new niece, Paige Elin Johnson, born in the wee small hours of the morning of April 4th. Three laundry baskets of clean sun-dried clothes sit in purgatory blocking the path through the lounge/play room. The brown rug has been unrolled from summer storage. It is now warming up the chilly floor, but is covered in fluff and random bits of rubbish stuck in its wool fibers which the floor sweeper can not seem to remove. Luckily fluff doesn’t trip you in the middle of the night, but the toys looking for a home may. Bean bags and pillows have taken the place of the couch and the piano which no longer resides in the lounge room. The disconnected stereo, speakers and cds are all on the rug now, having lost their home on top of the piano. There is a fireplace sitting in the corner taking the place of the old piano, awaiting installation. It may be messy but it feels nice to cuddle up in a bean bag on the floor of this room which used to seem like a walkway between a couch and a piano. You can actually sit across from one another playing guitar or having a conversation.

Our friends (and Genevieve’s godparents) Anne Marie and Bernie flew out from Sydney to visit for the weekend with their sweet little baby Sara (two months old). Besides wanting to see us, our Australian friends see our place as a tourist destination, being so close to the Northern beaches and a good distance from the fast-paced city. Last year they came out just after the death of their first baby to meet Genevieve and vacation nearby. So this was quite a special visit to meet their new healthy baby and see Genevieve and Jacinta a year later. A year ago Jacinta showed them a star on our bathroom mural that she had named for baby Theresa. She also showed them another star which she painted for their “other baby.” Well, somehow Jacinta knew baby Sara was coming, and we had her all weekend long. A dear little baby she is: hardly awake, hungry, cuddly, strong, curious, needy, and loved beyond measure. Jacinta followed Annie, Bernie and Sara anywhere she could. She helped change nappies, went on walks, asked them millions of questions, sat down next to them just to chat, and rode in their car anywhere we went. This was devotion we haven’t yet seen, it was beautiful.

Bernie wanted to do some manual labour too, so Matt obliged and came up with a big task: moving a piano. Keith, Matt and Bernie pulled that massive piano out to the veranda. While they were at it, they thought, “It sounds terrible, we might as well have a look inside and see if we can fix it.” Three curious and confident men who like to make music, are not piano tuners but have a few hours to enter a world they have never experienced before; what more could I hope for? Jacinta was certainly along for the ride, how amazing to see the insides of a piano! When they opened it up and found a rats nest (there since we bought it), they were inspired to at least clean the insides. Whilst vacuuming out the rat poo, dust and scraps of newspaper they broke a key, and in doing so discovered how to detach each key. So the brave men decided to take all of the keys out and start over. Using an air compressor, they blew out years of dust and residue and actually put it all back together properly. This $300 piano that had one-eighth of its keys stuck now sounds lovely. The keys move up and down as they should. Those three men and our three year old did it, and had fun learning about the mechanics of a piano. Nothing like a little faith in yourself. (Although I don’t think I’d attempt such a thing, I have faith in myself but not in mechanical practice!)

Besides putting our friends to work, we enjoyed walks, garden tours, cooking and eating, playing games, baby gazing, reminiscing of our time together with our first newborn, and relaxing in our spacious, empty lounge room. One lesson learned is that although some babies can handle restaurants (Jacinta), not all babies are that easily pleased. Genevieve is surely teaching us about different temperaments. It’s very interesting, although I’ll admit I’d rather have a peaceful meal in a nice restaurant than chase around a toddler who can’t stand being locked up in a high chair for more than five minutes.

I’m human, the comparisons are hard to avoid. Jacinta is almost four and enjoys sitting on her daddy’s lap for the entirety of an adult board game. She comes in an out of observation, practicing writing letters and numbers, joining in now and again. She sat in a high chair for ages as a toddler, she played with the toys we gave her and smiled. She stayed down low if we put her on the floor. Baby Jacinta was curious and determined but less active, easier. Yes, I now understand. So far Baby Genevieve is extremely entertaining, testing, demanding, spunky and full of energy and attitude. She covets anything that is not acceptable as a baby toy for her. She wants to be on the same level as everyone else, that is, higher up. Thus she must climb. I have tried pulling her down each time she crawls up onto the table this week, over and over. She is indignant to be deprived of the things that everyone else has: access to all of the junk on the table, a view of the cows, the refrigerator, crayons, markers, scissors, baby powder, telephones, etc. But most times, she gets over her frustration and finds a good toy.

In her race to grow up, Genevieve is imitating us very well. I have been sick this week and coughing. She pretends to cough and cover her mouth with her hand as I do, smiling all the while. The newest additions to her vocabulary are “hah” for hot, “diy” for drink, “shoe” for shoe, “ehyo” for hello, “ta ta” for goodbye and “dah doo” for thank you. She can blow you a kiss and even gives real kisses now. She likes to sniff things, imitating Jacinta and I sometimes with spices. With flowers she is all on her own. There are two frangipanni trees next to Mary and Keith’s veranda with just a few white and pink flowers left on each. Genevieve is very particular about these flowers. When one catches her eye, she calls out, “EH, EH!” in her most urgent tone until someone fetches her a flower. I sometimes try to change her focus because they are far too high for me to reach, but Keith will usually go and fetch her a pink flower. With the frangipanni in hand smiling from ear to ear, she sniffs and snuffs quickly like a dog. She then holds out the flower for you to smell too. Keith and I have both tried offering her other flowers but she is not interested, frangipannis only please. After having a good whiff, she usually tries to eat the flower. Unfortunately they are not edible.

What Jacinta deems edible right now is much more limited than Genevieve’s range of acceptable foods: crayons, flowers, and dog toys. Jess sticks to grains, fruit, dairy products, piggy products, eggs, and some fish. Vegetables are tricky. This week I tried a new tactic: honesty and humour. I told her we were going to play Green eggs and ham, but with pumpkin. I told her I was going to try and find a way she could eat pumpkin. I made pumpkin muffins (sugar usually means success) and nutty apple pumpkin fritters. She willingly tried them and ate one. Although, she kept asking when we were going to play Green eggs and ham. I’ll have to make a real game out of it for her.

As we all love learning a new skill, Jacinta beamed with pride the few times this week that she accomplished things so internally rewarding she didn’t even feel the need to say, “Look at me!” Today she drew her first heart with a point on the bottom. Previously she’d just ask me to draw the bottom of the heart for her. She asked Matt how to use his tripod today and not only did he show her, but let her take her first few pictures. What an honour! The smile on her face was perhaps more gratitude than pride. Often she spends her days doing seemingly insignificant tricks telling us individually to “Look at this trick!” I find myself wishing she could just enjoy the thrill herself and go on making up new tricks. I suppose she’s seeking perpetual approval, normal I guess. Keith too has a new trick, a new way to blow bubbles. He and Jacinta rolled a plastic sheet into a tube et voila! Massive bubbles and endless entertainment for both girls. He enjoys it so much I’ve even caught him blowing bubbles on his own. I suppose that’s a major part of growing up: learning to follow your own joy, leaving your need to impress and entertain others behind.

Matt and I made this dreamy move out to a small town with high unemployment to follow our own joy. We surely have found joy, love and hospitality in this place and also left a lot of the same behind. Each morning before settling down to work on the computer Matt carries Genevieve on his shoulders to see the cows and proudly reports back that she touched the cow on the head. Throughout the day Jacinta joyfully runs in and out of his “office” to show him piles of kidney beans she has shelled, pictures she has drawn, pretty clothes she needs to show off. Out here it is more unlikely that Matt will find paid employment doing exactly what his heart longs to do. Editing Originally Blessed is the closest he’s gotten to that yearning thus far, although it will not earn an income. So whilst doing some awesome soul warming work, he’s working at trying to please and convince numerous different social service organizations that he’s the one they need. He’s getting interviews now and also getting a few days of work in the schools. It is a humbling process. Someday the hunt will end in a job and hopefully it will leave time for soul enriching work.

It has been a quiet week for me. That is not to say slow, but I lost my voice completely for a few days. The counters are covered in little bottles filled with herbal concoctions and vitamins for the girls and I. Jacinta is getting over her cold, I am stuck in the middle and Genevieve is just starting to show signs of sickness, mainly loss of balance. She is also teething. My voice has mostly returned, accompanied by a dry painful cough. What a change, I use my voice non-stop: so no story telling, no songs, or verbal entertainment. Jacinta was bewildered by my silence. She dealt very well, accepting hand signals instead of verbal cues. Matt helped out as much as he could by taking the girls out, waking up early with them, doing dishes and cooking a big breakfast one morning. Keith took the girls out for a day to visit the elderly folks at Mary’s nursing home. Mary cooked for us on the weekend. My friend Trish brought honey and cookies to make me feel better. I had a nap on Sunday, what a luxury. It has been a long cold, but sweetened by help from lovely little girls and kind adults.

A little cold, so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. My step dad had another small stroke and has now lost peripheral vision in both eyes. He has my loving mother at his side to ease the pain, but his loss of independence dealt them a major blow. A few days later, my sister gave birth to a healthy little girl named Paige. We can only hope that we are surrounded by loved ones with whom we can mourn and celebrate life’s twists and turns. Here’s hoping we can all find ourselves surrounded by love and support. Have a peaceful, love-filled week.
Love,
Shana