Beautiful bed

Good evening friends. I am writing from the other side of the planet this week. We said our last goodbyes to my family and have returned to Australia. It was a perfect end to a great trip. Three months was a long enough time to be ready to return and not feel too much sadness. We spent our last night with my mom and sister and family at Irish Fest in Milwaukee watching Irish dance, listening to great music, and drinking Irish coffee and Irish beer. We felt gratitude for the chance to have spent so much good time with family and friends and relief to finally resettle in a place where we would not be living out of suitcases. Not only are we now out of our suitcases, but we are in a warm cozy house that Matt built. We didn't miss all of winter, but will have a few weeks of chilly evenings and mornings to prepare us for yet another warm season. I have my books and herbs at my disposal to finally cure Jacinta's middle of the night cough. I have my own kitchen and herbs in my garden, and it feels lovely.

Jacinta commented as we disembarked the last plane, "That was a quick trip mommy!" Following the flight, we picked up our six massive bags and went through customs without a hitch. We were then joined by our friends Anne Marie and Dom at the airport. They brought two cars to account for all of the extra baggage we accumulated on our trip in addition to four extra hands for our little girls. As it poured down rain we drove to our friends' house for breakfast, all this before 8am on a Monday morning. Most of our Sydney friends somehow made it over to the Bragge's to say hello, even Finn, the newest member of the Webster family who was just eight days old. Jacinta had two other little girls to play with for a few hours and a few babies to entertain. Genevieve enjoyed the chance to stretch out and roll around. I had dreaded a jet lagged thirtieth birthday, arriving at 6am on a Monday morning but our friends all happened to be around so it was lovely.

The drive back to Macksville was eventful. The girls burned off jetlag with some good sleep while Matt and I listened to music and finished the last Harry Potter book out loud. Matt drove in pouring rain, and kindly let me sleep. Matt's mum Mary and Keith kindly met us half way and drove us back home, anticipating our jetlag. We came home to find a refrigerator full of food (thanks to Mary, Keith and a few close friends of ours), packages full of baby gifts meant for Genevieve sent back in May, a basket full of birthday treats and the house decorated for my birthday. Mary cooked up some dinner and we had birthday cheesecake. Love, love, love: this is all we felt. Jacinta was delirious from fatigue and the joy of seeing Grandma, Pop and all of the things she missed for three months. Genevieve was overjoyed to be out of her car seat and roll around in front of the fire. Keith and Mary were happy to have us back, but terribly relieved to have made it safely through the torrential rains they drove through that evening. Matt was excited to unpack and get organized. I was just tired and overwhelmed with gratitude for friends and family. When Jacinta finally made it to bed that night, she crawled in, looked around and happily said to herself, "Look at my beautiful bed!" I second that Jacinta.

Not only is her bed beautiful, but so is every single toy, doll, book, bike, animal. They are all new and exciting. Each day she rediscovers something on her shelf and works it into her games. Her imagination greatly developed while we were overseas, so now she talks to her dolls and toys, telling them what she is doing and what they need to do. In spite of the relentless rain showers, Jess's friends Nickolas and Rory have come to play. The cows have come up to visit also, or perhaps to munch on hay that Keith lovingly provides in return for the manure which they happily leave near the compost heap. Jacinta and Genevieve are both delighted to see farm animals again, as are Matt and I. Although it is hard to walk around in the mud after the cows trample the grass and make the wet earth even wetter, we have taken a few good muck walks. The dam is full to the brim, so full that Keith and I made a small clay wall to hold in the overflow. Jacinta has great fun splashing around and exploring "all of the little dams" that the flood has created. She goes out with Pop a few times a day to check for eggs, enchanted with the idea of chickens again. Her schedule is quite full these days, having to reacquaint herself with all of the animals, the land, her toys, and old routines. She did slow down for a few days though, due to a tick that got her in the belly. This is a normal part of life for children around here, we are just learning how to deal with it as parents.

Genevieve's little body is learning how to cope with something very new also, food! Momma milk is still the main course, but she is starting grains and veggies too. She had started to cry whenever we sat down at the table leaving her to play on the floor. So finally, after six months of watching us do one of the most important and exciting things in life, she is now eating. Rather than being obsessive about food introduction, I decided to loosen up and give Genevieve any old vegetable and grain that we are having. Still keeping it simple, avoiding nuts, honey, eggs, meat and spices, my thoughts are that she will live on and be just as happy of a human if I introduce more joy and spontaneity in her food than anxiety and order. First off, she loves being up at our level in a high chair. She enjoys chewing on carrots, apples and teething biscuits and toys while at the table. Eating anything off of a spoon is new and exciting, she'll practically bite your hand off to get the spoon. Whether it goes down, that is less reliable. It's easy to forget that at one point in your life, you did not know how to chew or swallow solids. Evie will hold several mouthfuls of mush in her mouth, smiling all the while. We're thinking, "Wow! She actually liked it!" Then it will all come slithering out through the smile. It has been about five days, and she is just now learning how to get food from her mouth into her belly. So far she has tried carrot, avocado, rice, sweet potato, oats, and barley. Sweet potato and rice seem to be her favourite. We all take turns in the feeding mess, Jacinta included. She is learning how to give small bites and not to shove the spoon in Evie's mouth with too much force.

Genevieve is getting more interesting by the day, for her big sister that is. Jacinta has turned into quite the teacher, tone and all. For now, it's sweet but I can imagine how her friends will respond. I cringe on their behalf. She's been calling Genevieve "honey" and "sweetie." I'm trying to explain that adults speak to children differently than children speak to each other. Jacinta then started calling her sister, "sweets," and "honey bean." Yesterday Genevieve was trying to fall asleep in the car, but each time her head flopped down to sleep, it landed in bright sun. After whining for months that she needed a sunshade every time the sun shined in her eyes in the car, Jacinta finally learned to look away from the sun. It made me smile to hear my big girl sharing this wisdom with Evie in the back seat while Matt was driving. "Evie, don't look at the sun. Look at me! Look this way." Although Evie couldn't understand the words, she eventually looked away from the sun and fell asleep.

Today the girls spent a good while jumping together. Evie was in her "Jolly Jumper," bouncing up and down in the corridor while Jacinta jumped on the small trampoline. Keith helps Genevieve to ride around on a little bike, following Jacinta on her tricycle. Jess turns it into "Red Light Green Light," and invents places for them all to go. She'll insist, "We're going to playgroup Pop!" He'll hold Evie on one rocking horse while Jacinta rides the other rocking horse, directing them to a new destination. I asked him today whether this hurt his back. He laughed it off and said that eventually it went numb. That's more endurance than I have. I suppose joy can overcome any type of pain. We all choose to endure dull aches and pains to achieve our goals.

I spent the week enduring no pain whatsoever. Mostly, I spent my time moving back in, being spoiled by Mary and Keith's kindness and by long, lovely visits from a few close friends. The rain made me lazy, as lazy as a mom can be. My garden, some would look at it in its current state and wonder how I could house so much energy for that weedy mess. I can not say I have spent much energy there yet. I want to be out there but can't seem to get away for too long. Were I childless, I'd be out there sweating from breakfast until dinner, loving every minute and speck of dirt. But thanks to Mary and Keith, I have gotten out a little each day and have been able to clear a few terraces of weeds. At the same time, I discover vegetables amongst the weeds whose seeds were spread by the wind: carrots, spinach, parsley, tomatoes and lettuce. I love the volunteers. The herbs have multiplied, and our garlic made it through with a little help from Keith. I have not yet done any work in the orchard, but the deciduous trees are all in flower: apples, plums, and the nectarine. It is almost spring and the earth is still wet from last week's rain. It is calling out saying, "Plant me!!!" The garden is always calling me. I can only answer once in a while.

The house is often calling out to Matt saying, "Build more storage! Organize me!" We have been back less than one week. He has already enlarged our desk, rearranged our bedroom, and transferred all data from our old computer to this new one. He built cupboards in the kitchen with shelves for added storage. He added some wood panels onto an unfinished corner of a wall and stained them. Of course, he is also helping out with the girls. Today he took Jacinta to the park, leaving me to nap (ahhhh). He said they sat on the swings for about twenty minutes talking about farts! What about you may ask? Why they smell, what they smell like, whose farts smell more, what you eat that makes them smell, etcetera. It is an interesting topic. All the while Evie and I were cuddling in bed snoozing the afternoon away. This is what Sundays are about: going slow enough that there is time to sleep and discuss the art of a fart.

Saturday afternoon my friends organized a birthday party for me at Michelle's house. It was not a surprise party, but it was a shock to see so many friends in one place, and that they had all come for me. After three months of being away, it was quite lucky to see all of my friends in one place. Again, I just felt loved. Everyone brought a dish to pass and as always, potlucks are the best way to go. The gifts offered were a true sign that my friends know me: home grown eggs, laying chickens, native trees, seeds, a garden post, an antique trivet, a tiny flower vase, hand made face cream, and a wall hanging. Genevieve was passed around and played around on a big blanket. All of Jacinta's friends were there so she ran and played hard all day long. Here's a funny picture: on our way out the door she spotted a cardboard Easter hat she had made and asked if she could wear it to the party. She wore this thing for almost five hours. The prettiest image I have is eight children surrounding my beautiful birthday cake covered in Jasmine flowers all singing Happy Birthday. One more nice memory is all of the children surrounding a bowl of shelling peas, shelling, eating and laughing. Genevieve was in the circle too, chewing on a pea pod and trying desperately to knock over the dish. I celebrated my thirtieth on two continents with the family I have known and loved forever and with new friends that I feel as if I should have known them forever. What a true blessing.

Feeling loved and exhausted, we went home to rest. Jacinta sang to herself en route, but stayed awake. Matt and I secretly shared a glance and smiled at our content little girls, feeling unbelievably content ourselves. To top it all off, there was a Swans football game on that evening for Matt. There is a lot of unknown ahead of us, yes. But focusing on the present is a pretty beautiful present. I shall sleep on that. Good night y'all.

Love,

Shana

Shoo Fly!

Good evening friends. I hope you are all well, at peace and in love with whatever surrounds you at the moment. I am well after a short tango with a sore throat. I am celebrating the peace of the night after the girls have bid the day adieu. I am in my lovely sister's house, happy to be sharing space with Matt, Jacinta, Genevieve, Kai, Ben and Lecia. But again, I am off schedule. Yes, your most devoted Saturday night writer has missed a week. I'm sure you'll excuse me, I have been taking it slow these days, as slow as I can go.

Since I last wrote we left my dad's house in the suburbs of Chicago to spend a day in the city with some of my closest highschool friends. Just a week before this, I went back to my hometown (Homewood) to meander the streets with my two little girls, void of hope to see any familiar faces. Sadly, my friends rarely make their way back home since almost everyone's parents have relocated, all but one family. It's interesting to ponder how much we all enjoyed growing up there, yet how we have all chosen to live elsewhere, some further away than others. It's quite a luxury to have Meghan and Courtney right in Chicago when I come to visit my family who all live about an hour from Chicago. My friend Katy brought her little girl Mia out from Missourri to join us this time. We have all turned thirty this year, so it was a nice occasion to gather. Jacinta and Mia had a nice time giggling and being three together. Genevieve enjoyed rolling around as usual. Matt did well in the company of all women, as usual. Jacinta had more walking energy than normal, perhaps it was the visually stimulating city life that distracted her from the usual whine that sets in after a good hike. She saw fast walkers, fast talkers, fast bikers, fast drivers, shops everywhere, trains going overhead, trains underground, water fountains to play in, and wet children running and laughing: what more could you ask? It was a wonderful time spent in the city. Of course I enjoy checking in with city culture once in a while, but moreso finding my beautiful friends once again was comforting and refreshing. I am always surprised that as we grow older we find new things in common rather than reliving the same old memories

that brought us so close in the beginning. If we still laughed about the same things we laughed about when we were 17, there would be a problem. I suppose this is why we still enjoy each other, we are evolving together although in completely different spaces.

My sister and I are also very close, and have always been. Our relationship has surely evolved as we have multplied from two little girls playing to become a menagerie of seven: grown women and men with three children between us. We have spent the last ten days with Lecia and her family in Wisconsin. We've had plenty of time to play with little Kai and Ben who is a teacher and home in the summer. Matt took a few days and drove to Michigan to return the van our kind friends Cindy and Forrest had lent to us for the entire summer. So he missed out on some Milwaukee fun, but had the opportunity to spend one more night with some close friends. Lecia had to work some long hours, but we were still keen on embracing the proximity of Milwaukee culture. Once Ben and I figured out how to smash three baby seats in one car, we were off! Jacinta was the big girl helper in the middle of the two babies. She took great pride in "getting two babies to sleep," topping up their toy stocks, and keeping them happy. With a double borrowed stroller, she was just as happy holding Evie's hand as she was in the car. To the children's museum, the zoo, and the parks we went. Kai and Jacinta had a blast, while Genevieve tried to stay awake and not miss a beat. She is keeping up her reputation as a very wakeful baby, shockingly wakeful. Jacinta is working hard being the big girl: feeding the babies (sometimes by sheer force), trying her best to be in charge. She also needs to try out everything Kai or Evie possess or do. It's an interesting line she walks between acting "older," and admiring baby life.

Although I have been on vacation for almost three months now, Lecia needed a break from lawyer life and Ben needed a break from stay at home fathering. So we all drove up North Wisconsin to spend four days at a condo on a Lake. We rode fishing boats, swam in the lake, swam in the pool, cycled around, played at parks, played cards, played ping- pong, played games, played with toys, stalked chipmunks, cooked, read, and kayaked. Jacinta made "pies" out of Trivial Pursuit pieces and created giraffes out of poker chips. Kai built up confidence with his new walking skills and slowly let Matt and I into his circle of trust. We're not all the way in yet, but closer! Matt and Ben took Jacinta mini-golfing and told stories of a deserted course and an adventurous little Jacinta. I was driven to finish knitting my socks and finish the latest Harry Potter book and almost completed both. Lecia caught up on some sleep and enjoyed time with Kai and all of us. Matt didn't bring his computer so he let himself really relax and just enjoy time with the family and on his own. It was nice to see him so at peace just a few days before we go back to normal life in Australia. Jacinta, Kai and Genevieve seemed to relish having all of their parents around with not much else to do besides love and entertain them. I think this is why Jess and Evie do so well on airplanes.

Being in America does make internationals want to consume, most things seem cheaper in this country. Since our computer has been acting up, Matt has been agonizing over the new purchase. Should we? If so, where? Which one? After weeks of contemplation and research, he went out with the intention to buy. He came back triumphant after a really lucky purchase at Office Max. They sent out shopping bags in the newpaper as an advertisement, "15% off everything you can fit in this bag." He fit a computer in the bag, what luck. I don't enjoy shopping much, unless it's resaling or earthy clothing on line. Lecia wanted to buy the girls some really good quality shoes, so our triumph was ordering two pairs of girls shoes on line in less than an hour. We have so much in common in our decision making, we must weigh all aspects of each option before we can choose. I only realize how alike we are now that I know so many other people that are not like us. It's comforting knowing there is someone else that suffers indecision as much as I do. I hope my girls don't catch this gene. We also excel at losing things, my mom included. I pray that my girls don't pick up that habit either.

Last year, Matt and I completely missed our anniversary. It passed us by unnoticed. Ooops! Not this year though. To celebrate nine years of marriage, we spent the day with our girls, but at night went out on our own. This was the absolute first time I have left Genevieve at home and it felt so good! There is nothing like a good reason to teach her how to drink out of a bottle. Lo and behold, she took it no problem! We practiced once in the daytime, so that later on Lecia could take over worry free. Matt and I went out for a drink and got to talk, alone. What a treat: discussing things that concern only the two of us. Not having to speak in code, answer random questions, or wonder what Evie was needing at the moment was wonderful. We then went to see the latest Harry Potter movie. It was a good thing we remembered to celebrate this year, for it was a great night thanks to Lecia and Ben helping out at home.

It has been an amazing few weeks with my family here. It has been an incredible few months in the USA having the time to devote purely to relationships. We are on our last leg here, leaving in just two days for Australia. Mom has come for a last visit to celebrate our birthdays together. Whilst enjoying the present, Jacinta is planning what she will do first upon return to Australia. In all of this moving around she has learned a strong concept of family. She adores and relates to so many friends and family here and in Australia but she knows Mommy, Daddy and Genevieve are the ones who come and go with her. Earlier she was singing, "Shoo fly! Don't bother me, 'cause I belong to Mommy, Daddy and Genevieve." Jacinta seems to be picking up the sub conscious musicality that we have left up for grabs. She is imitating new melodies quite easily, yet also launching out on her singing melodies that we have been singing to her for a while. She will substitute new words in songs without losing the rhythm. Now when I sing a new song or an old one that she really wants to know, she just watches my lips. She sings along with me, watching for rhythm and to know when I breathe. It is so sweetly flattering to be followed so closely, especially knowing that often she watches with the intent of opposing my example.

We have said most of our goodbyes, yet these last few will be difficult. We are trying to stuff three months of accumulation into a few suitcases, get healthy, and prepare for the long trip ahead. Evie's still trying to coordinate the crawling moves, and is trying even harder to get our food. She'll be happy to know that immediately upon arrival in Macksville she'll get some real food. She has been sucking on tasty things like corn, apples, carrots, and now teething biscuits. Wish us luck (sleep) on the plane with this eager little wakeful baby.

Peace,

Shana

Oh.... that's not our's

Hello there. It is still light out on a Saturday night, ahhh. We are in the comforts of my dad and Barb’s home in Mokena, Illinois. Just having finished dinner, my belly is full of lovely local veggies, brown rice, tofu and wine. Matt is out relishing the novelty of late night American consumerism: looking for extra luggage. The girls have been asleep since about 6:30 after a relaxing, yet fun-filled day for little people. Genevieve is worn out from her lack of naps and efforts to crawl now that she has gotten up off her belly and onto to her knees. Jacinta played with Lincoln Logs, ran around in the garden, picked and ate garden grapes, helped Grandpa make pancakes and mulch trees, rolled around with her little sister, played tennis, played at a park, went into town with daddy, shelled peanuts with me, read books, worked on puzzles with her Uncle Jeff and ate and drank as much as she was allowed. Such is the life of a three year old. We have each been enjoying life with our family in our own ways. Matt and my dad share their love for computers and recording equipment, while Barb and I share time gardening and talking about plants and trees. Dad and Barb both get down on the floor to connect with Evie and invite Jacinta to join them in whatever they are doing. We are truly making the most of our time with our family and feel really lucky to have the time to relax with them.

The girls and I are also feeling lucky to have Matt back in our midst, physically and mentally. When at camp, “camp” is life: the beginning and the end, the question and the answer, the problem and the solution of everything. We loved that life, but are quite pleased to have family be everything again. I now have a few more quiet moments with Genevieve and even myself, a little more energy to be patient, more time to knit and more time to read Harry Potter. Genevieve gets more attention down on the floor while rolling around. Jacinta gets more tickles, piggy back rides, treats and trips into town.

Jacinta is an interesting little bird at times, to put it nicely. It embarrasses me that she is so fickle about who she lets into her circle each day. This is something I expected: my daughter will love and be kind to everyone I love, all the time, by choice and not by force. Grand expectations, yes, but I thought I could control everything through example and discipline. Unfortunately, you can not force a child to hug, kiss or even smile at someone. Imagine depriving, slapping or spanking your child because they did not feel like hugging a family member. You can trick them, charm them, bribe them, but you can not bend their will. In the past, Jacinta has given Matt the cold shoulder for periods of time. He has had to work pretty hard for her affection at times, it is terrible. I try my damnedest to change her behavior, sometimes by giving her the cold shoulder. Is that terrible too? This summer she watched her daddy work with all of the counselors and campers, watched him shine, be loved and needed by many people. She has decided to join the crowd. She giggled with excitement in anticipation of his return. Now that we have him back, she seeks him out often, treasures his affection and wants to go out anytime he goes out. We are all happy to be back together again, and Matt is relieved to have some time to relax.

I used to write a paragraph about Matt each week. I struggled to come up with anything to say in the last month because I honestly didn’t know how he was doing, or if I did, it was confidential. I am now happy to report that Matt is well! He really enjoyed camp. Not only did he become a major member of a tight community of do-gooders, but he also felt as if he accomplished what the grant set out for him to do. He wouldn’t say this but I will and I am being modest: he inspired a few counselors and campers to share their gifts creatively, love confidently, ask questions, and look for the divine in every day life. He also made it out to the Creation Spirituality Communities Conference and connected with inspiring people to refuel and energize his passion to share Creation Spirituality with others through the website. Now he is just content to relax and reconnect with our little family and my family in the Midwestern USA, as am I.

We spent a few more lovely days at my mom and George’s house this week. We made lots of new memories upon which I will linger when I miss my mom from afar, once back in Australia. Of course I don’t think of each fun moment as something I will miss later on rather than enjoying it for the beautiful moment it is. It is only in the processing of my week that I have to turn this lovely visit into a memory, as we left mom’s yesterday. Each morning mom played children’s songs on the piano while Jacinta and I danced and Evie watched from her flying position on the floor. Late one night mom and I played duets on the piano, something I haven’t done for probably twenty years. She was very patient with me, being the good piano teacher she is. We had lots of good food thanks to mom’s gardener friends and a local veggie stand. We made zucchini bread, ate lots of fresh corn, peas, beans, tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers. Summer is surely the best time to get veggies in the Eastern United States. We went to the beach a few nights in a row to cool off, have dinner and watch the sunset. We also met up with some good Michigan friends at the beach one morning. We laughed, played, swam, swapped parenting stories and left feeling sorry that we don’t live closer.

It is a strange mix of emotions we all have right now. We already have nostalgia of the people we have seen here in the US, gratefulness to have seen them, yet sadness for the indefinite period of time we will be separated. We miss our home in Australia, being settled, being in charge of our own schedule, being in our own space, in our own home which Matt just built. We are overwhelmed with the love our friends and family here in the USA have shown us, yet realize we are very spread out here. We have people to love and catch up with in at least ten different states, yet we will never be able to see all of them, even given three months. At the same time, we are thinking of our new friends in Macksville, and how few, yet how amazing they all are, and how easy it will seem to hang out with them when we return. We are relishing every moment with our family here in the US, although the thought is present in my mind that I have no idea when we will meet again. How old will our girls be? Will anyone fly out our way, and if so, when? Amidst all of the emotions, we are just plain happy to be together, not working and with family.

Jacinta has dealt incredibly well with this journey, hopping from home to home. She is so used to spontaneous movements that she will happily show up at a place, and without anxiety or excitement, merely inquire as to what we’ll be doing and who we’ll be meeting. She was pleasantly surprised though, the other day when I dropped into my home town, Homewood, where I grew up. “Are we meeting anyone?” I explained that I really just wanted to walk around and see what the town looked like after ten years. She was pleasantly surprised. The girls and I enjoyed walking around, playing at the park, checking out the shops and having treats at a few choice eating establishments. Back when we left camp, I mentioned our return to Australia for the first time. Jacinta jumped for joy and excitedly asked what she could take on the plane. Instantly she changed her talking points to include her Aussie friends and family, whereas most of the summer she focused on whoever she happened to see that week. She knows that we’re spending some time with my family here first. But for the first time, she knows what our last three moves will be and that following our last move we will be heading back to Australia. The first thing she excitedly told my dad when we arrived on Friday was the plan: “We are going to the girl’s house (my friends from high school), then to baby Kai’s house, and then we are going back to Australia!” This is partly why I avoided giving her any sort of a plan. Yesterday she asked if she’d be four years old when we got back to Australia. She just turned three two months ago. She gets a bit excited for events she knows about in advance. I feared she’d wake up and pack her bags every morning, but my fears were unfounded. She is loving every moment of every day here with family. She may not readily give out hugs to everyone at the right time, but she is genuinely content here, seizing the day for all it is worth.

I will close with a story which Matt relayed to me. On one of their trips into town, he and Jess were standing in line to check out. A kind woman in front of them pointed out a penny to Jacinta, a penny on the floor. She meant for Jacinta to pick it up and take it. But honest Jacinta looked seriously at the woman and replied, “Oh…that’s not ours.” She really would have liked it, but was being polite and very honest. The woman insisted, as Jacinta persisted on her line. The woman was enchanted that this little girl could think a penny was really that important and she could be so honest when she clearly wanted that penny. Eventually she emerged from the shop with a penny in her hand and a story to tell, having warmed a few hearts.

Warming a few hearts is all we can aim to do, that and seize the day enough to enjoy your rest. Off I go, to warm a few hearts (my girls’) and rest after a good day.

Goodnight y’all.

Shana

p.s. for the record… Jacinta had her first bee sting today, on the palm of her left hand. She cried pretty hard, but with some ice and baking soda/water paste, all was well pretty quickly.

I like this... I do not like that

Good evening loved ones. It has been a pretty calm week out here at my parents’ houses. The girls and I have left camp and are moving back into suburban life. It’s so interesting how much less physical energy we exert by staying inside most of the day, yet how exhausted I am by the end of the day. I’m sure it also has a lot to do with the fact that Matt is not with us. It has been ten days now and we miss him. This is the first time I’ve really felt what it’s like to be a single mom, albeit one that doesn’t work but flits around traveling with a borrowed car having someone else pay the bills. I’m actually having to plan and prepare three meals a day once again, and even do some cleaning! Real life is coming back to me now. It’s not so bad, I just miss my kitchen. At least it’s a gradual re-entry thanks to my parents’ help.

I think I now understand why people want to own land. Camp Skyline has about 156 acres. We live on five acres in Australia. Dad and Barb live on a one acre lot. Mom and George live on perhaps one quarter of an acre. At camp, I don’t usually feel the need to leave. There is ample space for me to spread my wings and fly. Ten years ago when I was a camp counselor I hardly ever left the property. This year I went out quite frequently, partly using this beautiful camp as a home base to go out and catch up with other lovely friends I had been missing in Australia. It was a strange combination: dwelling in this awesome all encompassing camp life yet flitting away like a free little bird to hop in and out of other people’s lives. Living on five acres I will go for days without the urge to escape, if I have visitors. But eventually I do get the urge to go into town and experience life among larger crowds and in larger spaces. As the space I inhabit decreases, I feel more of an urge to get out. I’m finding that my comfort zone is based on amount of space, availability of companionship, where most time is spent: indoors or outdoors, and

accessibility to good food.

I’m also learning that I think about food a lot more than most people. Perhaps I already knew that. I’m not talking about theory, quality or source. I’m talking about what we are going to put in our bellies today. I don’t often let lunch sneak up on me and say, “Hmmm…what will we have for lunch?” I would have pondered it after breakfast, perhaps agonized over the matter or gotten excited. I don’t think this is a cultural difference between Australians and Americans, nor do I think it’s always a positive thing that I think so much about food. It is a matter of slow food versus convenience foods. If you know there is nothing quick and easy for the taking, you must prepare something if you are to eat. It is the preparation of the food that intimidates many of us, just the mental energy it takes to first decide what you will eat, then grow or buy the right things and finally put the time into preparing the food. This very thing excites some of us. But no doubt, whether we enjoy it or not, we must eat to live so we all have to prepare something.

We all love to eat, especially Jacinta. I wonder why. We also relish our right to have an opinion. Jacinta is just tapping into the world of discernment. Just this week, she commented to my mother on her clothing, her grandmother’s clothing, “I don’t like that shirt Grandma.” Ahhhh! Shock and horror, my daughter’s first display of ignorant rudeness was to my sweet mum. To ease my shock, she has kept up the barrage of blatantly rude opinions. I’ve tried to limit her need to make decisions in life so far, in making most of her decisions for her. I thought this might help. She may not get to choose her clothes, but you can bet she is going to tell me what she thinks about everything. In general, she has decided she doesn’t like any color but pink. Is this to spite me? Yes. Much to my horror, she thinks pink, red and orange are “Girly colors.” She wants nothing to do with any other color.

On a sweeter note, Jacinta has started choosing favorites: songs, colors, and foods. She misses her daddy, so we are listening to him sing on cds whenever we get a chance. She hears songs and within a few notes on the guitar, she knows which song it is. “I love this song mommy, this is my favorite.” “I like the Theresa song too though, mommy, that’s my favorite too.” The next song will come on, another daddy song, “Sneeze.” “This one’s my favorite.” She’ll sing along remembering most of the lyrics, getting to the next song about her sister. “I love this song too.” A darker song will come on. “Oooh, I don’t like this one mommy,” she’ll comment in a very serious tone. Given her leaning to judge right now, I was sure she’d start to dislike one song. The lyrics go like this, “Nobody loves me like my own sister.” Later on it works into, “Nobody scares me like my own sister.” She hasn’t inquired as to why Genevieve might scare her, thus it is still one of her favorite songs.

Thus far Jacinta has not displayed great jealousy of her sister, just subtle hints. She needs extra cuddles, my left knee if Evie is on my right, and wants me to feed her (with a spoon). Most times I am happy to oblige when I think about her needs, but sometimes my need for space overrides her need for equality. Last night, I was able to leave her to fall asleep given that Genevieve was sleeping next to her. She is very exited for Evie to grow up so she can feed her, help her walk and eventually play with her. Although much of her affection lies in anticipation, she also loves the present. Jacinta loves to hold her little sister, give her toys, make her smile, make her laugh, and to fill in as a substitute toy. She’ll get down on Evie’s level and let her grab at her face, suck on her cheeks, and pull her hair. I’ve been quite impressed with the way Jess deals with the hair pulling: she doesn’t wince in pain like I do. She laughs and merely grabs the tuft of hair above Evie’s hand, gently pulling it out of the tight little fist.

Genevieve, oh Genevieve, such a wakeful baby she is. Not only is she alert, but she does not nap. I keep thinking she’ll learn how to nap for more than thirty minutes. She is teething now, I’ve pulled out all the stops: teething tablets, chamomile and teething toys. She is generally pretty happy, but just doesn’t rest much. She still spends her free time in the flying position: on her belly with her arms straight out to the sides and her knees bent, toes curled ready for take off. She is grabby, smiley and curious. Luckily she is still at a stage when she can be calmed by anyone who will stand up, rock her and let her touch or suck on things. She is very quiet if not in pain or in need of something. I’m realizing that Jacinta, Matt and I are the only ones that ever hear her coo or giggle. How lucky we are.

Life at Mom and George’s has been good fun, familiar and comfortable. I can always expect to hear some good piano music played by my mom, shoot the breeze out on the porch and hang out with George in the garage. Mom and I read some Harry Potter together, and had time for some good chats. Jess, having heard us mention the book a few times with no explanation of what it was asked, “What’s Humphrey Potter?” We laughed at that. She then named one of her toys Humphrey Potter. Jacinta loves stamping with mom and painting with George. She gets a kick out of their birds, but not as much as Genevieve does. Although mom shouldn’t really be walking around soothing Evie, she can’t resist. Whenever the going gets tough, the birds help to calm her down. We went out to play at a few parks, checked out a girls softball tournament, went out to Lake Michigan for sunset and just relaxed. One highlight was a visit out to St. Joseph, Michigan to catch up with a dear college friend and meet her 9 day old baby Ella. Beautiful baby, lovely town, good food, nice beach and time to enjoy it all and be with my mom and my girls. I couldn’t ask for more.

This weekend we have spent at my dad and Barb’s house. Jacinta is usually very uncomfortable the first hour anywhere, testing out her space, but springs forward after a little while. This time she is overwhelmingly excited to discover every little inch of this house. The inside is filled with all of Uncle Jeff’s toys and the outside is a gorgeous food-filled garden with swings, dogs, flowers, stepping stones and animals made of stone. My sister and family are also visiting here, with the added bonus of baby Kai, who started walking yesterday! I love watching Jacinta trust and grow more and more fond of the family I love so much. Missing her own daddy, today she commented to Uncle Ben as he munched on Kai’s toes that, “My daddy, he eats me too.” Amidst caring for our teething baby and sweet demanding Jacinta, I’ve had time to knit, do gymnastics outside with Jess and of course, do a little cooking. There is even a Jacinta size park within walking distance. We are all here to celebrate my dad’s 60^th birthday, so it’s a good time.

Anticipating our return to Australia, Jacinta wanted to make some phone calls to friends and family back home. We tried calling Pop and Grandma a few times, finally reaching Grandma. Jacinta grew shy and wouldn’t say hello, but sat listening to me for a while, then became obnoxious to get me off the phone. She has not spoken to anyone on the phone in a while, she comes in and out of practice. She then wanted to call Lily and Aidan (ages 3 and 5), but when we got them on the phone did the same thing. Poor torn little girl, it is hard to contemplate such completely different existences. Or maybe I’m reading too deeply into three year old quirkiness.

As you can see, I am enjoying three year old quirkiness and five month old curiosity, as I can ramble on for three pages about them. This is my existence at the moment, children, family, nothing more and nothing less. I hope you too enjoy your present.

Peace,

Shana