Five Years Old

Good evening my dear loved ones. I hear that your summer is not yet very warm and quite wet. It sounds like our winter down under, but for once, I think it is actually colder here. The wind has been very cold in the day lately, so much that even in the sun, you shiver a little if you don’t have three layers on. Since I last wrote, we have had another major flood. This one was statistically the worst one of the last three, but here on our hill, it wasn’t so bad. Our major highway was flooded for at least three days, preventing Matt from getting to work and preventing Mary from getting home. Matt enjoyed his little vacation but felt terribly guilty for not helping out with the flood relief with which his coworkers were coordinating. It was bright and sunny here for a few days while the flood waters blocked many people from going to work. There are many sad stories of people thinking their whereabouts were more important than the reality of fast flowing water, leading to death out of desperation to get to work or to a loved one. Luckily Matt made the most of his inability to work: playing with the girls and helping around the house. He scheduled a few extra doctor’s appointments and fixed himself up.

Health-wise we are all well enough. Genevieve is over her cold, but Jacinta has a stuffy nose now, nothing severe though. Matt’s back is feeling good, but his shoulder is still quite sore. My right hand has a bit of eczema and it flares up from time to time. It is sore, scaly and sometimes cracks. I am trying a thousand things to cure it naturally and some of them are working…which ones though??? This will be the constant question. Shall I keep up my sad diet of no refined sugar, no caffeine and no alcohol? Or is this exclusion really helpful? I am eating more greens and veggies than I have in a while and feel quite energetic. The girls, being stuck with my cooking are also eating better than ever. Jacinta is perhaps going through a growth spurt, as she eats with much less complaint these days. It would make sense, her legs are getting so long.

I am feeling well rested and running on a full tank, which is abnormal. Last weekend on the full moon I camped out on the other side of the dam in a little tent, all alone. I went out after the girls went to sleep, taking two trips through the gully in the dark, loaded down with books, extra clothes, blankets and a tent. I set up my tent by the light of the moon and a candle. Matt held down the fort in the warmth of our house while I sat bundled up outside gazing at the moon, reading Green building books, and dreaming about our future girly retreat hut. I had the best sleep in a long time, knowing Matt was listening for the girls and I was too far to hear Genevieve wake up with a wet diaper. My toes froze under three pairs of socks and three wool blankets and a sleeping bag. Poor circulation is a bummer, but not so much that I didn’t enjoy my peace and rejuvenation. I was back just in time for the girls to wake up, make breakfast and let the chickens out. To top it off, the next day Matt took the girls out for the day to Koala Park and strawberry picking. I cleaned the house and cleared a major path to get up to our campsite. This was some hard labor, hacking back the weeds, cutting through vines, moving fallen trees and digging up weedy trees. It was gratifying labor though, I felt good and strong and whole.

I found a quote in a green living book which was said by Rilke, something about true loving partners being the guards of each other’s solitude. What a concept, that to truly love one another, we need not spend all our time together. To love is also to assure your loved one enough space to him or herself, necessary solitude. I know Matt needs solitude and I try my best to offer him space, but I have just figured out that I too thirst solitude. Matt is awesome at guarding my solitude, making sure I have space to rejuvenate and thus offer more love from a fuller cup. I know I am a lucky lady.

On one of our “home days” last week, I showed the girls the new path. We left our cold shady house warmed by the fire, and trekked up the wide sunny path, stopping to check out the pink fungus I had discovered. We ended up at the “campsite” and had a picnic lunch in the warm sunlit grass. The girls were amazed to see the tent up and went straight in to pretend sleep. I fiddled and fixed a few tent poles while the girls played with tools and practiced banging in pegs with our new hammer. Jacinta found the rope and eventually we found ourselves roped together wandering around in search of a good tree for a rope swing. We didn’t get very far before they found magic beans and we had to stop and turn them into caterpillars. What we did discover was the best climbing tree on our land, by this point we had freed ourselves of the rope. It was one of those trees with thick, low, sprawling limbs, but tangled up in masses of dead branches from dead weedy trees. Jacinta, our big five year old, climbed out each large limb breaking through the branches, announcing how old she was to climb out and break the branches all by herself. We will return with work gloves and clippers next time, in hopes of uncovering a magnificent cubby house/climbing tree.

So Jacinta turned five, yes indeed. Matt and I spent weeks preparing for this milestone, gift making in the evenings. What an honor it has been to watch her grow. What a joy it was to have her at home with no plans or anyone else to please on her birthday. Jacinta woke up that morning, and excitedly came into our room. “Mommy, can I give Evie her gift now?” were the first words out of her mouth. She had made Genevieve a bracelet the day before, for “Little Sister Day.” Genevieve then ran to pull out her gift for Jacinta, a seashell coin purse, which made them both smile. A few minutes later the girls ran out to the living room and rejoiced at the sight of balloons. Matt started making pink pancakes right away while Jacinta eyed the room for surprises. First she found the special treasure box Matt had built for her, with little tiles inlaid on all sides. Next she found the doll house I had wood burned for she and Genevieve, and they dove into play right away. Later on she found her flower petal hat and pink pancakes on her plate.

It was a peaceful rainy birthday, polka dotted with gifts from loved ones all day long. Jacinta had plans for sun and plans for rain, so we followed the rain plan: go to the library, go to belly dancing class, see our friend Trish and have fish and chips for lunch. Just before another major downpour, we made it home for Evie to nap while Jacinta played and I began cooking for the “feast.” Crepes with ham and goat cheese and salad for dinner and apple pie for dessert. Matt and Mary both came home early to celebrate the day. And lucky for me, they pitched in to get it all ready. Lesson learned: there is a reason you let the cake cool before you stick in the birthday candles, and perhaps a reason you don’t serve hot apple pie for a birthday. Our five lovely handmade beeswax birthday candles almost melted before Jacinta blew them out! Mary and Keith gave Jacinta a new scooter for her birthday. The sweet thing is that she is of the age that she would never have asked for a scooter, or even thought of owning one, but just admired her friends’ scooters. She was surprised and delighted, just in awe for the evening. “I have a scooter like Rory now.”

Matt and I are proud of our Jacinta for so many reasons, but one is her lack of materialism. She will surely go through phases like we all do, but for now, our message has gone through. She is truly grateful for every material good she is given and expects very little, materially. I don’t think this comes from a belief that she is deprived, but because she lives in plenitude. She hasn’t yet learned to be dissatisfied with her lot. I suppose this will change as she gets into school and sees more media but for now, our own brainwashing has prevailed. We are all guilty of brainwashing, we are entitled to some brainwashing as parents. I’m sure we all assume our brand of brainwashing is the best.

Jacinta and Matt sat down to make birthday invitations for her party and Matt asked her if there was anything she would like to request her friends to bring for her birthday, besides toys and clothes. She liked the idea saying that she already had enough toys and didn’t want to have to get rid of any to make space for all the new ones. She asked her friends to each bring a candle. They all brought candles and now every breakfast and dinner she picks two different candles to burn at the table, one for her and one for Evie to watch and blow out at the end of the meal, remembering each friend through their candles. Of course, no five year old would come up with a crazy idea like requesting no toys for their birthday. Brainwashed? Yes, but happy enough? Yes.

The birthday party was exactly what she wanted, a dress up party with a fire, toasted marshmallows, cake and friends. Both girls helped me make an orange chocolate cake, it took longer than any cake I’ve made, but was well worth the effort. Jacinta made a beautiful fruit platter and helped me spice the apple juice and mulled wine. She and Genevieve nibbled while I cut up pineapple, veggies, tofu and meat for the kebabs which Matt cooked on the fire. We prepared all day until it was time to get in our costumes. Genevieve and I were butterflies, Matt a ladybug with big cardboard wings and Jacinta a white cockatoo. It was all very exciting, and then her friends showed up, even better. There were fairies, bats, superheroes, and children who didn’t like to dress up. But they all ran around and played into the night, in and out of the house without much fighting or exclusion. Highlights for the kids were freeze dancing to Irish music, a bat and moth game, a marshmallow hunt, glittering Jacinta’s room, cake and being out in the dark. Us adults all quite enjoyed ourselves too, having drinks and chatting near the fire, watching the children get along, running around and being kind to each other. Matt and I breathed a sigh of relief as we cleaned up the grand mess and took in the new era of our little girl. Five is a big number.

Jacinta tells every shopkeeper now that she had her birthday and she is five now. The next question is always, “Does that mean you are going to big school next year?” She proudly smiles and says yes. Her will grows stronger every day. We were in the car last week and she was singing a French song about a donkey. I joined in. Frustrated, she said, “Mommy, when you start singing a song with me, it changes it! I was trying to sing it differently.” My mom sent Jess some stories she read on a cd for her birthday. Both girls like to listen to the stories while they play, picking up on bits and pieces of each story, laughing and marveling at little phrases. In a book about birds Jacinta hears the word “mockingbird,” and smiles and talks about the mockingbird song. She hears the word “imitate.” “I know what that means mommy, imitate, it means to act like something else…Dangerous, I know what that big word means too. I know a lot of big words mommy.” The other day she told me that two 3s make 6. At preschool she listened to some girls boating that they could count to 10 and 15. She joined the boasting and said, “I can count to 100.” I don’t know that she really can, but she is surely showing signs of pride in possessing knowledge. This tells me that in late January when she walks into that big school in her blue uniform, she will probably be ready and will want to walk into her new world.

Genevieve will enter a new world too, a world with no little blond playmate at her side most days, but filled with other things that remain to be seen. We have been noticing Evie’s laziness on a bike and have encouraged everyone in the house to stop pushing her on the bike. So after a few days of this, she can now pedal her tricycle for the first time. It’s amazing how we can be trained into dependence, and how good it can feel to be liberated of this dependence. Evie quietly announced yesterday as she pedaled across the veranda for the first time, “I doing it!” amazed at herself. Today she pedaled around the whole duck pond with Matt while Jacinta zoomed around on her new scooter.

Luckily I thrive on change so I am not too worried by the thought that Jacinta’s days will soon be filled by other teachers most days of the year. I am trying to focus on the alone time that I will have with Genevieve, like the alone time I had with Jacinta before Genevieve came along. I am excited by the prospect of gardening with her more often. For now, she is my outdoor girl, thrives on the big sky, the open space, the dirt, the wetness. We can spend hours out there, working and playing. No matter how long we garden she always asks to stay out longer when I say it is time for lunch. She loves picking the few peas on the vines, planting seeds in pots, plopping little seedlings in the dirt, watering, and pouring stinky fertilizer on plants. She looked at a pot of beet seedlings that she planted two weeks ago and asked if she could plant her beets. I was just amazed that could identify the little seedlings, I just learned how to do that a few years ago.

Yesterday we transplanted at least fifty parsnip plants, a big pot of mustard, some pea plants, chicory, cabbage, Swiss chard, and chamomile. She picked which plants would go in each bed. While I weeded and prepared the bed, she picked nasturtium leaves and bit patterns into them with her teeth and fed them to me (very good for sore throats and colds). She hid from me in the kiwi vine and ate fennel. While I hilled potato plants she sat in the newly dug trench and called it her home. All the sudden we were cassowaries (huge Aussie birds) looking for food. As the trench grew we collected grubs and the trench became a road for the cassowaries to go to town. Today we planted more pea plants together and some more potatoes. She practiced her new skill on the stepping stones, hopping. She puts adventure and imagination into everything.

Often Genevieve wakes up grumpy, but after a little while she’s charged up to play the day away. The girls are starting to come up with imaginative games on their own now. One morning I saw them sitting on the rug near the fire facing each other, with the excitement of the day before them. Genevieve said excitedly, “What should we play now?” Jacinta came up with the idea and naturally Genevieve liked it. They love puzzles and dancing lately. Puzzling, Jacinta is quite gracious to her little sister, passing Genevieve each piece and telling her where it goes. Dancing, well, that takes tap shoes, special Irish music and a clean floor. We have been dancing along to Irish music, jumping and spinning for a little while now. We were looking for a dance class but found an Irish dancing show instead. “The Rhythms of Ireland,” started at 8pm but Matt and I really wanted to go and to take the girls. The excitement before the show and following have been as wonderful as the show itself. The girls were in awe of the dancers, especially the ladies and their different outfits for each song. Genevieve later revealed her thoughts on the men, “The boys were scary.” They were truly awesome, Matt and I just felt lucky that the dance act would come to a nearby beach town in the winter to dance.

More likely are the winter guests in our house once again, mice. What a nuisance they are. I wish they were ugly like rats so we wouldn’t feel bad killing them. Last night the rats just made their grand entrance, bringing on the true feeling of violation and intrusion. As I sit here warming myself near the lovely fire place I can hear the mice around the place, in the cupboards with the traps, in the musical instrument basket, near the garbage can. They are at least cute, unlike the rat cousins.

Speaking of creatures, we have a rooster now. Friends of ours brought this new beast over for Jacinta’s party. He is big and beautiful and crows like a good rooster should. He follows the hens around and announces every time they lay an egg. The hens are laying 3-4 eggs a day now, perhaps it is the return of sunshine or “Noisy Giant” being there to impress. There is young white hen named Yeek who is always the first to escape when we open the door in the mornings. She is a people loving chicken. she squats whenever Jacinta comes near her, waiting to be picked up. Jacinta has taken to calling her cuddles. This makes life with the chickens much more exciting, a chicken friend who wants cuddles.

Jacinta loves cuddles and tries to get more from Evie than Evie can take. It’s funny because we can’t get enough cuddles from our big girl because she is so focused on getting Genevieve cuddles. Genevieve will always give us cuddles because we are big people and will let her go when she asks. Every morning she looks for Matt for cuddles. This morning Matt was up at 5am for a conference call. He and Jacinta made pancakes and smoothies while Evie and I slept in. Eventually he laid down by the fire to catch a few winks and listen to the girls’ buzzing while they played and I cleaned. Every few minutes Evie would say, “Daddy… I sleep wit you?” After she got under the covers she would say, “Wake up! Wake up your eyes! Read me a story! I read you a story…” She would run and get a book, read a few pages to sleeping daddy then ask him to read her a story. He asked her to sing him some lullabies, but she needed a guitar. She got her “Kukulele” and sat on his head and played and sang. Jacinta thought this looked like fun, so she fetched her out of tune guitar too and sat down to sing. “Evie, you are sitting on daddy’s head. Move down. Let him sleep.” Evie explained that she was comfy and couldn’t move, his face was her pillow. Jacinta, seeking justice Jacinta continued to plead with Evie while Matt smiled under the covers. Eventually they played him a few songs and woke him up.

So life rolls on, new flowers budding while wilting petals fall off and rest peacefully in the dirt until they become soil. I wish you warmth, sweet solitude and giggles in the early morning.

Peace,
Shana