You're so special
Good evening y’all. I have been sitting here contemplating the week’s happenings and am shocked at just how much went on. I have more energy now because Genevieve is no longer breast feeding, but it could also be due to a conscious effort to live in the moment. Surely Matt’s excitement just having finished the book would also play a large role. Another energizing factor is having spent entire days with the girls out of doors in the yard. On those days I feel liberated by all the clean, fresh air to open up my heart, mind and spirit.
Being outside also means no toys, no futile messes to clean up, picnic crumbs can be left for other creatures, and great natural entertainment. We had a couple long lazy days exploring the mucky mangroves on the river flats, climbing trees, building shelters, visiting the neighbors and their bonfire, picnicking, playing on the playground, planting hyacinth bulbs, breaking sticks for the fire, working and playing in the woodchips. Genevieve even had a nap outside. I shalln’t say that everything was rosy. Jacinta still had quite a few tantrums, but none outside. Perhaps the open spaces and the birds prevent a blow out of tension and anger, seems logical. When I said we were going to have a picnic in the garden, Jacinta said she would not go and that she wanted to eat at the playground. She was rude and terrible while I prepared lunch, but when she realized the food and the fun were all going down the hill, she perked up and acted as if she had come up with the plan to go down to the garden.
Highlights outside for me were making the “bendy tree house” with the girls, with no help from the manly men here. We walked down to the river flats and cut down eight long skinny “bendy” trees. Once back up in the garden, we dug one end of each tree into the ground around the edges of a circle. I then made an arc with each tree and dug the opposite ends into the dirt. Later on in the week we covered it with camphor lauryl and wattle branches, turning it into a perfect fairy hide away, heaven scented with the yellow wattle blossoms. Jacinta was actually shocked I could build anything. She has started to make comments like, “We’ll have to ask pop to help, that’s too hard for you Mommy,” or “Mommy! You can lift that? I didn’t know you could do that!” It saddens me to know that my girl at the age of four thinks girls need help from men on all physical tasks and that she doesn’t know me very well.
Since I am a mother and so often do all of the tasks that are child-friendly, she thinks I’m a girly wimp and worst of all, that this is normal! Little does she know she has just rekindled a stubborn, egalitarian fire in me that burned very bright until I gave birth to her. I will try like hell to fix what she has wrongly learned and from now on show her that girls are damn strong and do a lot of things without help from men. This will get easier as Genevieve gets older. It is making me compare the last four years of my life to the 26 years before motherhood. Jacinta only knows me as a mother, not as the stubborn little “I can do it myself!” yippy dog that wouldn’t let men open doors or carry my bags for fear of growing soft.
I realize there must be a division of tasks. Who would cook if I didn’t? I am not strong enough to carry massive logs or use a chainsaw. (Matt did start teaching me today though). I don’t have a clue as how to fix a lawnmower or a car. So yes, in my age, luckily my yippy dog-ness has diminished as I have learned which tasks I can do more efficiently and which tasks are better left to others. But I do now feel a renewed duty to learn a few of these tasks, teach my girls to be tough, to not allow them to grow up soft and think that only men are good at chopping wood, mowing lawns and building.
For the time being, I am not much good at any of these things. Climbing is one outdoor physical activity that the girls and I all love and do well. During Genevieve’s nap the other day Jacinta asked what she could do. I have been trying to establish this short hour as a peaceful time with not much chatter and encourage her to entertain herself. When she asked if she could go outside and watch the neighbors’ bonfire, I happily agreed. She climbed up her tree and just stared across the yard at the massive tree now gone and burning in a pile and also inspected her tree. She had no idea I was standing at the window doing dishes so as she climbed down the tree to crawl into another stick shelter, she never once looked my way. Very seldom is she truly alone outside and content to be alone. This was a renaissance, and bliss for me to observe. On her return she noticed some fluttery things floating down from the sky (burnt leaves blowing all over from the neighbors’ burn pile.) She first observed, then chased them, then caught a few and crushed them to ash in her hands, curiously looking around wondering what they were, oblivious to my spying. She never once stopped to say, “Look at me!” Little does she know I watch more when she doesn’t ask.
Both a blessing and a curse, my love for things like cooking, knitting, music, arts and crafts, and sewing often takes precedence over the more physical activities which I love like running, dancing, tumbling, climbing, digging, building shelters and fires, exploring, and swimming. There is just not enough time in a day. I am happy outside in the fresh air, so I’m making an effort to do more outdoor physical activity and spend less time making things by hand. Jacinta, from time to time, is my alter ego. “Mommy, can we have a baking day tomorrow? I want to wear my apron.” “Mommy, will you knit me something?” “I don’t want to draw outside, I want to be inside.” Although, this week she has started whining when I say we have to go inside. Perhaps all she wants is balance. It’s not too much to ask.
Bath time is still a favorite indoor activity for both girls, especially for Genevieve. We can not mention “Baa time” unless the water is running. Evie stands at the side shaking, trying to take her clothes off. She’ll stay in for as long as she is allowed playing with funnels, water balloons and cups. She doesn’t splash much these days, Jacinta is thankful for this. As I cook or clean in the next room, I can hear them giggling away and usually guess that Evie is trying to dig in Jacinta’s belly button. Genevieve has started to sprawl out on her belly and kick, upon which Jacinta yells out to warn me, “Evie’s face is near the water!” Play dough is something they can do together, especially if Evie is locked up in her chair. Arts and crafts are often volatile, but sometimes we let our guard down, allow Evie to use to the big girl things and make a mess and then, they have fun together. They are both starting to feel the privilege of having each other, being sisters. I’m sure Jacinta senses the beauty of it on her own, but also given how much I love and rave about my sister and sisterhood. One morning while playing peacefully together, Jacinta said to Evie in this enamored wistful tone of voice, “You are so special.” I quietly uttered, “Awhhh…” and Jacinta quickly retorted, “Mom, I was talking to Genevieve!” annoyed that I had interrupted the moment.
This was an extraordinary week. Matt finished Originally Blessed, this was major, exciting and liberating. He had little tasks to complete each day, but not the black cloud of stress and deadline hanging over his head. He received almost 300 orders for books. This is a blessing, an affirmation for his effort and passion, not so much a financial endowment as any profit will be used for his airfare to the USA and for charity. The first book has been printed and proofs were sent to a friend in Texas for the final check. Knowing this is his precious baby, she sent him photos of the book and it is GORGEOUS. The artwork is amazing, the colors came out well, the layout looks great and just how he wanted it. Technology is so advanced that he never sent any physical drafts to the printer, all computer files. To see it in real print is wonderful. I can’t believe I’ll have to wait until he returns from America to see this book, and more important, that it will probably be done printing just before he gets to the US to see it. Exciting times.
An unusual outing this week for us girls was to the Laundromat. Our machine is broken, so we had an adventure. The girls stood on chairs, filled the machines, tipped in the soap and put the token in the slot. Even more exciting was the picnic on the river while we waited for the machines to do our washing. Genevieve and I still have colds, mine is a cough and hers a tired runny nose. So we dress very warm out in the wind. On Saturday Matt and the girls and I went up Yarrahappini mountain to check out the view. They had all been there a few weeks ago and had some things they needed to show me. We lollygagged around, and on the way out found a creek to play in. Jacinta jumped from rock to rock and wonder of wonders, never fell in. Genevieve threw in rocks and watched them splash, and happily rode in our arms. Matt explored like a little boy, also damming up a little pool with rocks. The lightness in him has returned, now having a job and having finished the book. The constant hurry and worry to get home and be productive seems to have disappeared. This doesn’t mean productivity is no longer a major focus, but his brain lets him rest and actually do things in peace now. Yesterday he cut down a massive wattle tree to make more shade for our fruit trees. Today we mulched the entire tree, and he also finished the last bricking touches on the fireplace. Ahhh…a sigh of relief, tension has flitted away.
We had some friends over for dinner on Friday night. All five children played happily for hours, leaving the adults to converse peacefully, only requiring attention once in a while. Watching young people play and create happily is sometimes much better than adult conversation. I had set up a curtain across Jacinta’s bed for a puppet show. After playing for a while, Jacinta called out, “We need Jesus!” (a tiny finger puppet of baby Jesus in the manger). They made up their show while I searched: Jacinta talking about Mary having a baby, Lilly moving the conversation to puppets pooping, and Aidan asking what you need Jesus for, “Jesus is dead!” Aidan is six and learned this in Scripture class in public school!!! Shocking, aye? Jacinta would have had a lot of questions and luckily wasn’t listening, focusing more on the baby. Genevieve was off cursing herself for dropping books all over the floor, imitating me saying, “Shih…shi shi shi shi.” Oh me oh my, I forget to watch my mouth around Evie. She does so many things that make me say “shit.”
Both girls may make us grit my teeth from time to time, but boy do they make us smile and be grateful. Poor Evie is in there gritting her teeth in her sleep trying to work through molars. Jacinta is sound asleep as she does. Matt is building a fire. I’d better prepare myself for a long night.
Peace,
Shana
Being outside also means no toys, no futile messes to clean up, picnic crumbs can be left for other creatures, and great natural entertainment. We had a couple long lazy days exploring the mucky mangroves on the river flats, climbing trees, building shelters, visiting the neighbors and their bonfire, picnicking, playing on the playground, planting hyacinth bulbs, breaking sticks for the fire, working and playing in the woodchips. Genevieve even had a nap outside. I shalln’t say that everything was rosy. Jacinta still had quite a few tantrums, but none outside. Perhaps the open spaces and the birds prevent a blow out of tension and anger, seems logical. When I said we were going to have a picnic in the garden, Jacinta said she would not go and that she wanted to eat at the playground. She was rude and terrible while I prepared lunch, but when she realized the food and the fun were all going down the hill, she perked up and acted as if she had come up with the plan to go down to the garden.
Highlights outside for me were making the “bendy tree house” with the girls, with no help from the manly men here. We walked down to the river flats and cut down eight long skinny “bendy” trees. Once back up in the garden, we dug one end of each tree into the ground around the edges of a circle. I then made an arc with each tree and dug the opposite ends into the dirt. Later on in the week we covered it with camphor lauryl and wattle branches, turning it into a perfect fairy hide away, heaven scented with the yellow wattle blossoms. Jacinta was actually shocked I could build anything. She has started to make comments like, “We’ll have to ask pop to help, that’s too hard for you Mommy,” or “Mommy! You can lift that? I didn’t know you could do that!” It saddens me to know that my girl at the age of four thinks girls need help from men on all physical tasks and that she doesn’t know me very well.
Since I am a mother and so often do all of the tasks that are child-friendly, she thinks I’m a girly wimp and worst of all, that this is normal! Little does she know she has just rekindled a stubborn, egalitarian fire in me that burned very bright until I gave birth to her. I will try like hell to fix what she has wrongly learned and from now on show her that girls are damn strong and do a lot of things without help from men. This will get easier as Genevieve gets older. It is making me compare the last four years of my life to the 26 years before motherhood. Jacinta only knows me as a mother, not as the stubborn little “I can do it myself!” yippy dog that wouldn’t let men open doors or carry my bags for fear of growing soft.
I realize there must be a division of tasks. Who would cook if I didn’t? I am not strong enough to carry massive logs or use a chainsaw. (Matt did start teaching me today though). I don’t have a clue as how to fix a lawnmower or a car. So yes, in my age, luckily my yippy dog-ness has diminished as I have learned which tasks I can do more efficiently and which tasks are better left to others. But I do now feel a renewed duty to learn a few of these tasks, teach my girls to be tough, to not allow them to grow up soft and think that only men are good at chopping wood, mowing lawns and building.
For the time being, I am not much good at any of these things. Climbing is one outdoor physical activity that the girls and I all love and do well. During Genevieve’s nap the other day Jacinta asked what she could do. I have been trying to establish this short hour as a peaceful time with not much chatter and encourage her to entertain herself. When she asked if she could go outside and watch the neighbors’ bonfire, I happily agreed. She climbed up her tree and just stared across the yard at the massive tree now gone and burning in a pile and also inspected her tree. She had no idea I was standing at the window doing dishes so as she climbed down the tree to crawl into another stick shelter, she never once looked my way. Very seldom is she truly alone outside and content to be alone. This was a renaissance, and bliss for me to observe. On her return she noticed some fluttery things floating down from the sky (burnt leaves blowing all over from the neighbors’ burn pile.) She first observed, then chased them, then caught a few and crushed them to ash in her hands, curiously looking around wondering what they were, oblivious to my spying. She never once stopped to say, “Look at me!” Little does she know I watch more when she doesn’t ask.
Both a blessing and a curse, my love for things like cooking, knitting, music, arts and crafts, and sewing often takes precedence over the more physical activities which I love like running, dancing, tumbling, climbing, digging, building shelters and fires, exploring, and swimming. There is just not enough time in a day. I am happy outside in the fresh air, so I’m making an effort to do more outdoor physical activity and spend less time making things by hand. Jacinta, from time to time, is my alter ego. “Mommy, can we have a baking day tomorrow? I want to wear my apron.” “Mommy, will you knit me something?” “I don’t want to draw outside, I want to be inside.” Although, this week she has started whining when I say we have to go inside. Perhaps all she wants is balance. It’s not too much to ask.
Bath time is still a favorite indoor activity for both girls, especially for Genevieve. We can not mention “Baa time” unless the water is running. Evie stands at the side shaking, trying to take her clothes off. She’ll stay in for as long as she is allowed playing with funnels, water balloons and cups. She doesn’t splash much these days, Jacinta is thankful for this. As I cook or clean in the next room, I can hear them giggling away and usually guess that Evie is trying to dig in Jacinta’s belly button. Genevieve has started to sprawl out on her belly and kick, upon which Jacinta yells out to warn me, “Evie’s face is near the water!” Play dough is something they can do together, especially if Evie is locked up in her chair. Arts and crafts are often volatile, but sometimes we let our guard down, allow Evie to use to the big girl things and make a mess and then, they have fun together. They are both starting to feel the privilege of having each other, being sisters. I’m sure Jacinta senses the beauty of it on her own, but also given how much I love and rave about my sister and sisterhood. One morning while playing peacefully together, Jacinta said to Evie in this enamored wistful tone of voice, “You are so special.” I quietly uttered, “Awhhh…” and Jacinta quickly retorted, “Mom, I was talking to Genevieve!” annoyed that I had interrupted the moment.
This was an extraordinary week. Matt finished Originally Blessed, this was major, exciting and liberating. He had little tasks to complete each day, but not the black cloud of stress and deadline hanging over his head. He received almost 300 orders for books. This is a blessing, an affirmation for his effort and passion, not so much a financial endowment as any profit will be used for his airfare to the USA and for charity. The first book has been printed and proofs were sent to a friend in Texas for the final check. Knowing this is his precious baby, she sent him photos of the book and it is GORGEOUS. The artwork is amazing, the colors came out well, the layout looks great and just how he wanted it. Technology is so advanced that he never sent any physical drafts to the printer, all computer files. To see it in real print is wonderful. I can’t believe I’ll have to wait until he returns from America to see this book, and more important, that it will probably be done printing just before he gets to the US to see it. Exciting times.
An unusual outing this week for us girls was to the Laundromat. Our machine is broken, so we had an adventure. The girls stood on chairs, filled the machines, tipped in the soap and put the token in the slot. Even more exciting was the picnic on the river while we waited for the machines to do our washing. Genevieve and I still have colds, mine is a cough and hers a tired runny nose. So we dress very warm out in the wind. On Saturday Matt and the girls and I went up Yarrahappini mountain to check out the view. They had all been there a few weeks ago and had some things they needed to show me. We lollygagged around, and on the way out found a creek to play in. Jacinta jumped from rock to rock and wonder of wonders, never fell in. Genevieve threw in rocks and watched them splash, and happily rode in our arms. Matt explored like a little boy, also damming up a little pool with rocks. The lightness in him has returned, now having a job and having finished the book. The constant hurry and worry to get home and be productive seems to have disappeared. This doesn’t mean productivity is no longer a major focus, but his brain lets him rest and actually do things in peace now. Yesterday he cut down a massive wattle tree to make more shade for our fruit trees. Today we mulched the entire tree, and he also finished the last bricking touches on the fireplace. Ahhh…a sigh of relief, tension has flitted away.
We had some friends over for dinner on Friday night. All five children played happily for hours, leaving the adults to converse peacefully, only requiring attention once in a while. Watching young people play and create happily is sometimes much better than adult conversation. I had set up a curtain across Jacinta’s bed for a puppet show. After playing for a while, Jacinta called out, “We need Jesus!” (a tiny finger puppet of baby Jesus in the manger). They made up their show while I searched: Jacinta talking about Mary having a baby, Lilly moving the conversation to puppets pooping, and Aidan asking what you need Jesus for, “Jesus is dead!” Aidan is six and learned this in Scripture class in public school!!! Shocking, aye? Jacinta would have had a lot of questions and luckily wasn’t listening, focusing more on the baby. Genevieve was off cursing herself for dropping books all over the floor, imitating me saying, “Shih…shi shi shi shi.” Oh me oh my, I forget to watch my mouth around Evie. She does so many things that make me say “shit.”
Both girls may make us grit my teeth from time to time, but boy do they make us smile and be grateful. Poor Evie is in there gritting her teeth in her sleep trying to work through molars. Jacinta is sound asleep as she does. Matt is building a fire. I’d better prepare myself for a long night.
Peace,
Shana
posted by Matt & Shana & Jacinta & Genevieve Henry at
10:09 PM
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