Outdoor Bliss
Good evening loved ones Wonderful changes have blessed our week. We decided to do the deed: kill the mosquitoes with poison. We didn’t use something kind and environmentally safe. We used good old poison and they are dead. We can live outside again. Spending time out on the veranda, on the girls’ swing set and clubhouse, in the garden, hanging out laundry, feeding the chickens and walking to the car are no longer stressful, hurried activities. Just today as I was enjoying our freedom in the shade cutting cucumbers while Jacinta pounded berries with a stick, I pondered the insanity of being enslaved to mosquitoes for so long. I do not regret compromising my previously high ideals, using only natural remedies. We tried other methods and suffered for a long while. I am starting to be at peace with hypocrisy and see it as a necessary part of growing up. It may not be hypocrisy but adjusting one’s ideals to support a certain quality of life. To hear Jacinta say, “I want to stay outside all day today!” is reason enough to use a few nasty chemicals and give thanks that they exist.
After eating half of her breakfast this morning Jacinta asked if she could go OUT and play. This would sound normal for other children, but not Jacinta. She usually waits for someone else to suggest an activity. She jumps at anything, if it is indoors. She makes excuses if it is an outdoor activity on our land, albeit playing on the swings, riding her bike, picking flowers, or gardening. Lately she has been complaining of belly aches. We think they are emotions she feels but does not know how to name: anxiety, sadness, boredom, loneliness, and jealousy. Our good friend Sara, who is the daughter of our naturopath and has lived and studied homeopathy herself for years humbly shared an insight into Jacinta’s personality. It was something she had mentioned a while back but I ignored because things were running rather smoothly. This time I listened and looked into what a “Calc Carb” child is.
We would never want to label our children, but understanding their personality as a spoke in this wheel we call humanity could be helpful. After a bit of research and conversation, we learned that this label is about constitution, what we are made of. Reading the description of the Calc Carb child so closely fitting our daughter on numerous websites, Matt and I were in awe. One analogy we enjoyed likened Jacinta to an oyster. It prefers to stay safely inside its shell, clinging to a rock for security. Inside its shell it is soft and amorphous, and its activities revolve around assimilating food and digesting it. The Calcarea individual is slow, solid, down to earth, plodding. Constitutional treatments in homeopathy seem offer us more of what we are made of, rather than trying to counter our constitution. I am so far from this personality type in my own life that I sometimes take Jacinta’s slowness as disobedience. Taking a homeopathic remedy made from ground oyster shells may not be “the answer,” but reminding me of the beautiful individuality of each human soul is helpful. “Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you…You can house their bodies but not their souls for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow.” I have listened to these words sung by Sweet Honey and the Rock (written by Kahlil Gibran) for years. Only now am I really starting to understand and heed them.
Of course we haven’t said a word of this to Jacinta, but she enjoys taking her “vitamins.” It’s hard to believe but already her anxiety seems to be less intense. Her need for an adult playmate at all times is letting up a bit as she further develops her ability to play imaginatively. She has more physical energy and isn’t so concerned with food. This morning she actually turned down the offer of morning tea saying, “We just had breakfast!” not realizing that two hours had passed while she played in her outdoor kitchen. We know it could be the lack of mosquitoes and our change in working with her, but whatever it is, we have enjoyed the last four days.
Jacinta likes to dance both in dance class and at home, pretending to be the teacher for Evie and I. One favourite is Ring Around the Rosey, with Evie and I also in the circle. Genevieve’s newfound ability to participate in circle games is quite a thrill for us all. Jacinta particularly enjoys the attention of her little sister. Now when she calls out, “Genevieve, look!” Evie actually watches her tricks. Perhaps I appreciate this more than anyone because it takes the pressure off me. Jacinta’s tricks never end. Couch tricks, animal tricks, ball tricks, and now she is drawing letters. She has been working on J for some time, and picked up I and T along the way. We aren’t pushing anything, we figure she will learn better if the desire comes from within. It’s easy to understand why she chose J first but she is now paying close attention to letters written on signs outside. The other day in the car she said, “See that letter with the line and the crosses on it? Evie’s letter? I want to draw that one when we get home.” Once in the door she immediately brought out pen and paper and drew an E with over 10 horizontal lines attached to the one vertical line. I showed her that she only needed three lines and she took the advice without her usual reticence to be taught anything.
Although she seems stubborn in many cases, Jacinta watches us in awe and reverence when we do things which, for her, belong to the adult realm like reading, writing, building a house, cooking new things or doing gymnastics. I’d like to figure out how to safeguard your child’s sense of awe. But the jig is up as soon as they learn what they need from you, you are no longer worthy of reverence because they “already know how!” Maybe the trick is to keep some secrets. Nah, I know it’s a part of parenting, selflessness. I just don’t want to make the mistake of accepting disrespect. It’s a hard balance and she hasn’t yet gone to school to learn from her peers. She did make it through her first time at preschool with no tears though, thanks to her friend Lily. For this and many other things, I too gaze at my big girl with awe and reverence.
It is hard not to be in awe of a baby. They pick up so many new things each day and don’t require discipline. Genevieve has started to look at the pages in books, rather than eating them. She points at the pages, loudly commenting, “Mmm, Mmm.” She might want to show us something or turn the page for her. Pat the Bunny seems to be her favourite book. She’ll spend over five minutes patting the bunny, playing peek-a-boo with Paul, sticking her finger in Mummy’s ring, looking in the mirror, and reading Judy’s book. When Keith comes in and picks her up, she has started to use her voice and point at the framed pictures all over the walls. She wants us to join her world and see what she sees. That seems to be the major change: leaving the baby stage when experiencing things for oneself suffices. Now she wants to share her thoughts, visions, words. It’s as if her will to speak to us erupted just the other day. I found it bizarre today while cooking. She used to be so quiet. Now she uses this loud, insistent, “Mmm” call whenever she wants something. Surely it’s better than crying.
Our wakeful Genevieve continues to grant us about two thirty minute naps a day. No doubt, I’m bitter about this. It just doesn’t seem fair given the time that I spend helping her fall asleep. But she obviously doesn’t need much rest, strange human. My latest tactic of using the crib as a way to limit her options and induce sleep has failed. She is not yet one and can crawl out of her crib. My mom and I were just talking about my will to climb the other day. They had to put me in a big bed early on and surround it with pillows due to my incessant crib escapes. Genevieve and I have a few things in common. Evie’s thud on the floor was one of the scariest sounds we’ve heard yet, she survived though. If I lie on the floor and pretend I’m sleeping she will eventually go to sleep. High maintenance, yes. Speaking of high maintenance, Evie’s hair is long enough that it needs taming! Matt jokingly put a clip in her hair the other day, and it stuck. She now has her hair “done” and Matt can do it. But hey, she’s also learning to sweep the kitchen. The other day Genevieve imitated me sweeping the floor with the little broom rather than trying to chase my dirt pile and eat the broom. Jacinta then joined in wanting to sweep, which is new because she had taken to watching me and complaining that I wasn’t available to play with her.
As usual, the girls kept me very busy this week. But once the rain stopped Matt rejoiced by taking the girls on a few morning walks to town, leaving me to garden and do a few tasks necessitating concentration. These few mornings gave me an hour in the early morning to gather myself, alone. Then on Saturday Matt took them out shopping for a few hours, giving me an afternoon to sweat in the garden. I appreciate the opportunity to sweat, it so seldom arises. I tried out the machete (not so good) on weeds around the mango tree and added more wire to the vine supports for the kiwis to climb. The kiwis are growing like weeds, they must like rain. I newspapered over more weeds and covered them in mulch. I trimmed the weeds encroaching upon my beautiful terrace of kidney beans. Basically I tried to keep the jungle at bay. I promised myself that I will not plant anything until I can sufficiently care for the existing plants and trees. Thus far, I have kept my word. Autumn is on its way, and my goal is to garden well. I tend to do most things “half-ass,” a term my dad always used. I will try to care for whatever I plant next season, mulching, fertilizing, watering, weeding, thinning, staking, and harvesting in a timely fashion. Wish me luck!
Having realistic goals is not something I usually do. In the past week, I have convinced myself for a few exciting hours of quite a few different ways to both make money and feel that I’m using my gifts. On one day I was going to be a children’s author. I even sat down and wrote a story about a cow. Another day I was going to get a musical group together and play at pubs. I have contemplated teaching children’s music in the community. This idea doesn’t seem as terribly far fetched, but given my inability to even clean our house and cook dinner I don’t think now is the time for any grand ideas. I did get chance to talk to my mom a few times this week. Her mom’s funeral was on Tuesday and she was denied the chance to attend, due to the fog grounding all flights. Her husband is having troubles with his diabetes so times are rough. I was also able to talk with my friend Khady in Paris. She is writing a piece for Matt in his book, which is an exciting opportunity for me to translate. She is having a hard time being a single mother in a foreign country with no family and no job right now, as you’d expect. It took all the courage in the world for her to answer my question of an appropriate baby gift and weeks later, ask for cash because she is running on empty. Although Matt and I feel strapped, it’s hard to compare our situation to Khady’s and feel unfortunate. We are very lucky, and hopefully someday Khady will get back to Senegal to be with her family and feel lucky too.
French class this week was a Mardi Gras party complete with mask making, crepe making (and eating), and mess making. The school holidays are now over and activities are starting up again. The girls and I had been missing choir, thus were very excited to return. Many of our songs are in foreign languages, but Jacinta has a feel for them. In preparation I asked Jacinta if there were any songs she really wanted to sing. A few hours later she came up with one, “Jay Jay Jay,” she requested. We did sing “Sin Nje Nje Nje,” that night and she sang loud and proud. She watched everyone’s lips and followed along. Genevieve stayed home with Matt and Mary, and gave them quite a hard time. She must have known what she was missing.
Genevieve had two nights without me this week, one for choir and another while Matt and I went out to a movie with our friend Sara. It was a Swedish movie called As it Is In Heaven about a musical genius and his search for love and community. Keith and Mary kindly stayed with the girls. What a lucky situation and a lovely evening we all had. Not to mention the movie was perhaps the best we’d seen in years. I won’t try to explain the movie, but just recommend that you see it. I loved it for the characters’ humility, honesty, and grace. Matt said he thought it demonstrated Creation Spirituality better than any book could, in addition to a thousand other praises.
On that note, Matt’s book Originally Blessed is going well. He is finally confident that he can appropriately cover all 26 themes through essay, poems, art and interviews. He is receiving new pieces to edit and add every day and more submissions than he can use. This work in addition to helping tend five acres of overgrown land would seem enough to keep him busy, but he still feels his lack of paid employment dragging down his spirit. He continues to apply for jobs but for nought. We joke about employment in the mosquito killing industry. Matt decided he’d had enough of our debilitating mosquitoes. He had researched numerous methods. We tried a few and gave up on environmentalism. Last Thursday, he strategically sprayed the nastiest spots and we are still rejoicing almost a week later. Given the lack of mosquitoes, Jacinta fell in love with her cubby house. So Matt took her to the EcoHouse for a shopping spree of used kitchen goods to keep outside in her own kitchen.
We are all rejoicing in our own ways given our new freedom. Genevieve is pleasantly surprised that when she goes to the screen door and points outside, I actually take her outside to play. Jacinta seems to feel empowered that she can go in an out without first putting on long sleeves, pants and bug spray in the heat of the summer just to play on her swing set for a few minutes. I love being able to run down to the garden for tomatoes without changing my clothes and not having to scold Jacinta to “SHUT THE DOOR! THE MOZZIES ARE COMING IN!” Matt seems to enjoy his breaks from work indoors. He can now will go outside to do little tasks to break up the day without having to suit up before stepping out the door.
I suppose I feel free in that I am learning to compromise and let go of guilt. This seems to be a lesson I really needed to learn. I am still learning. We tell Jacinta that we’re all just trying to learn how to be good humans. We may be offending the mosquitoes and their predators. But for now, I feel that a sane life lived without fear of stepping outside is very important to the humans here at Coronation Road.
I hope you too are feeling free and at peace this week.
Peace,
Shana
After eating half of her breakfast this morning Jacinta asked if she could go OUT and play. This would sound normal for other children, but not Jacinta. She usually waits for someone else to suggest an activity. She jumps at anything, if it is indoors. She makes excuses if it is an outdoor activity on our land, albeit playing on the swings, riding her bike, picking flowers, or gardening. Lately she has been complaining of belly aches. We think they are emotions she feels but does not know how to name: anxiety, sadness, boredom, loneliness, and jealousy. Our good friend Sara, who is the daughter of our naturopath and has lived and studied homeopathy herself for years humbly shared an insight into Jacinta’s personality. It was something she had mentioned a while back but I ignored because things were running rather smoothly. This time I listened and looked into what a “Calc Carb” child is.
We would never want to label our children, but understanding their personality as a spoke in this wheel we call humanity could be helpful. After a bit of research and conversation, we learned that this label is about constitution, what we are made of. Reading the description of the Calc Carb child so closely fitting our daughter on numerous websites, Matt and I were in awe. One analogy we enjoyed likened Jacinta to an oyster. It prefers to stay safely inside its shell, clinging to a rock for security. Inside its shell it is soft and amorphous, and its activities revolve around assimilating food and digesting it. The Calcarea individual is slow, solid, down to earth, plodding. Constitutional treatments in homeopathy seem offer us more of what we are made of, rather than trying to counter our constitution. I am so far from this personality type in my own life that I sometimes take Jacinta’s slowness as disobedience. Taking a homeopathic remedy made from ground oyster shells may not be “the answer,” but reminding me of the beautiful individuality of each human soul is helpful. “Your children are not your children, they are the sons and the daughters of life’s longing for itself. They come through you but they are not from you…You can house their bodies but not their souls for their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow.” I have listened to these words sung by Sweet Honey and the Rock (written by Kahlil Gibran) for years. Only now am I really starting to understand and heed them.
Of course we haven’t said a word of this to Jacinta, but she enjoys taking her “vitamins.” It’s hard to believe but already her anxiety seems to be less intense. Her need for an adult playmate at all times is letting up a bit as she further develops her ability to play imaginatively. She has more physical energy and isn’t so concerned with food. This morning she actually turned down the offer of morning tea saying, “We just had breakfast!” not realizing that two hours had passed while she played in her outdoor kitchen. We know it could be the lack of mosquitoes and our change in working with her, but whatever it is, we have enjoyed the last four days.
Jacinta likes to dance both in dance class and at home, pretending to be the teacher for Evie and I. One favourite is Ring Around the Rosey, with Evie and I also in the circle. Genevieve’s newfound ability to participate in circle games is quite a thrill for us all. Jacinta particularly enjoys the attention of her little sister. Now when she calls out, “Genevieve, look!” Evie actually watches her tricks. Perhaps I appreciate this more than anyone because it takes the pressure off me. Jacinta’s tricks never end. Couch tricks, animal tricks, ball tricks, and now she is drawing letters. She has been working on J for some time, and picked up I and T along the way. We aren’t pushing anything, we figure she will learn better if the desire comes from within. It’s easy to understand why she chose J first but she is now paying close attention to letters written on signs outside. The other day in the car she said, “See that letter with the line and the crosses on it? Evie’s letter? I want to draw that one when we get home.” Once in the door she immediately brought out pen and paper and drew an E with over 10 horizontal lines attached to the one vertical line. I showed her that she only needed three lines and she took the advice without her usual reticence to be taught anything.
Although she seems stubborn in many cases, Jacinta watches us in awe and reverence when we do things which, for her, belong to the adult realm like reading, writing, building a house, cooking new things or doing gymnastics. I’d like to figure out how to safeguard your child’s sense of awe. But the jig is up as soon as they learn what they need from you, you are no longer worthy of reverence because they “already know how!” Maybe the trick is to keep some secrets. Nah, I know it’s a part of parenting, selflessness. I just don’t want to make the mistake of accepting disrespect. It’s a hard balance and she hasn’t yet gone to school to learn from her peers. She did make it through her first time at preschool with no tears though, thanks to her friend Lily. For this and many other things, I too gaze at my big girl with awe and reverence.
It is hard not to be in awe of a baby. They pick up so many new things each day and don’t require discipline. Genevieve has started to look at the pages in books, rather than eating them. She points at the pages, loudly commenting, “Mmm, Mmm.” She might want to show us something or turn the page for her. Pat the Bunny seems to be her favourite book. She’ll spend over five minutes patting the bunny, playing peek-a-boo with Paul, sticking her finger in Mummy’s ring, looking in the mirror, and reading Judy’s book. When Keith comes in and picks her up, she has started to use her voice and point at the framed pictures all over the walls. She wants us to join her world and see what she sees. That seems to be the major change: leaving the baby stage when experiencing things for oneself suffices. Now she wants to share her thoughts, visions, words. It’s as if her will to speak to us erupted just the other day. I found it bizarre today while cooking. She used to be so quiet. Now she uses this loud, insistent, “Mmm” call whenever she wants something. Surely it’s better than crying.
Our wakeful Genevieve continues to grant us about two thirty minute naps a day. No doubt, I’m bitter about this. It just doesn’t seem fair given the time that I spend helping her fall asleep. But she obviously doesn’t need much rest, strange human. My latest tactic of using the crib as a way to limit her options and induce sleep has failed. She is not yet one and can crawl out of her crib. My mom and I were just talking about my will to climb the other day. They had to put me in a big bed early on and surround it with pillows due to my incessant crib escapes. Genevieve and I have a few things in common. Evie’s thud on the floor was one of the scariest sounds we’ve heard yet, she survived though. If I lie on the floor and pretend I’m sleeping she will eventually go to sleep. High maintenance, yes. Speaking of high maintenance, Evie’s hair is long enough that it needs taming! Matt jokingly put a clip in her hair the other day, and it stuck. She now has her hair “done” and Matt can do it. But hey, she’s also learning to sweep the kitchen. The other day Genevieve imitated me sweeping the floor with the little broom rather than trying to chase my dirt pile and eat the broom. Jacinta then joined in wanting to sweep, which is new because she had taken to watching me and complaining that I wasn’t available to play with her.
As usual, the girls kept me very busy this week. But once the rain stopped Matt rejoiced by taking the girls on a few morning walks to town, leaving me to garden and do a few tasks necessitating concentration. These few mornings gave me an hour in the early morning to gather myself, alone. Then on Saturday Matt took them out shopping for a few hours, giving me an afternoon to sweat in the garden. I appreciate the opportunity to sweat, it so seldom arises. I tried out the machete (not so good) on weeds around the mango tree and added more wire to the vine supports for the kiwis to climb. The kiwis are growing like weeds, they must like rain. I newspapered over more weeds and covered them in mulch. I trimmed the weeds encroaching upon my beautiful terrace of kidney beans. Basically I tried to keep the jungle at bay. I promised myself that I will not plant anything until I can sufficiently care for the existing plants and trees. Thus far, I have kept my word. Autumn is on its way, and my goal is to garden well. I tend to do most things “half-ass,” a term my dad always used. I will try to care for whatever I plant next season, mulching, fertilizing, watering, weeding, thinning, staking, and harvesting in a timely fashion. Wish me luck!
Having realistic goals is not something I usually do. In the past week, I have convinced myself for a few exciting hours of quite a few different ways to both make money and feel that I’m using my gifts. On one day I was going to be a children’s author. I even sat down and wrote a story about a cow. Another day I was going to get a musical group together and play at pubs. I have contemplated teaching children’s music in the community. This idea doesn’t seem as terribly far fetched, but given my inability to even clean our house and cook dinner I don’t think now is the time for any grand ideas. I did get chance to talk to my mom a few times this week. Her mom’s funeral was on Tuesday and she was denied the chance to attend, due to the fog grounding all flights. Her husband is having troubles with his diabetes so times are rough. I was also able to talk with my friend Khady in Paris. She is writing a piece for Matt in his book, which is an exciting opportunity for me to translate. She is having a hard time being a single mother in a foreign country with no family and no job right now, as you’d expect. It took all the courage in the world for her to answer my question of an appropriate baby gift and weeks later, ask for cash because she is running on empty. Although Matt and I feel strapped, it’s hard to compare our situation to Khady’s and feel unfortunate. We are very lucky, and hopefully someday Khady will get back to Senegal to be with her family and feel lucky too.
French class this week was a Mardi Gras party complete with mask making, crepe making (and eating), and mess making. The school holidays are now over and activities are starting up again. The girls and I had been missing choir, thus were very excited to return. Many of our songs are in foreign languages, but Jacinta has a feel for them. In preparation I asked Jacinta if there were any songs she really wanted to sing. A few hours later she came up with one, “Jay Jay Jay,” she requested. We did sing “Sin Nje Nje Nje,” that night and she sang loud and proud. She watched everyone’s lips and followed along. Genevieve stayed home with Matt and Mary, and gave them quite a hard time. She must have known what she was missing.
Genevieve had two nights without me this week, one for choir and another while Matt and I went out to a movie with our friend Sara. It was a Swedish movie called As it Is In Heaven about a musical genius and his search for love and community. Keith and Mary kindly stayed with the girls. What a lucky situation and a lovely evening we all had. Not to mention the movie was perhaps the best we’d seen in years. I won’t try to explain the movie, but just recommend that you see it. I loved it for the characters’ humility, honesty, and grace. Matt said he thought it demonstrated Creation Spirituality better than any book could, in addition to a thousand other praises.
On that note, Matt’s book Originally Blessed is going well. He is finally confident that he can appropriately cover all 26 themes through essay, poems, art and interviews. He is receiving new pieces to edit and add every day and more submissions than he can use. This work in addition to helping tend five acres of overgrown land would seem enough to keep him busy, but he still feels his lack of paid employment dragging down his spirit. He continues to apply for jobs but for nought. We joke about employment in the mosquito killing industry. Matt decided he’d had enough of our debilitating mosquitoes. He had researched numerous methods. We tried a few and gave up on environmentalism. Last Thursday, he strategically sprayed the nastiest spots and we are still rejoicing almost a week later. Given the lack of mosquitoes, Jacinta fell in love with her cubby house. So Matt took her to the EcoHouse for a shopping spree of used kitchen goods to keep outside in her own kitchen.
We are all rejoicing in our own ways given our new freedom. Genevieve is pleasantly surprised that when she goes to the screen door and points outside, I actually take her outside to play. Jacinta seems to feel empowered that she can go in an out without first putting on long sleeves, pants and bug spray in the heat of the summer just to play on her swing set for a few minutes. I love being able to run down to the garden for tomatoes without changing my clothes and not having to scold Jacinta to “SHUT THE DOOR! THE MOZZIES ARE COMING IN!” Matt seems to enjoy his breaks from work indoors. He can now will go outside to do little tasks to break up the day without having to suit up before stepping out the door.
I suppose I feel free in that I am learning to compromise and let go of guilt. This seems to be a lesson I really needed to learn. I am still learning. We tell Jacinta that we’re all just trying to learn how to be good humans. We may be offending the mosquitoes and their predators. But for now, I feel that a sane life lived without fear of stepping outside is very important to the humans here at Coronation Road.
I hope you too are feeling free and at peace this week.
Peace,
Shana
posted by Matt & Shana & Jacinta & Genevieve Henry at
11:52 PM
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