Abundance or Scarcity?
Good evening folks. The house is silent, I am alone and it is only 9pm. The holidays are over and I’m back on track to my favourite Saturday night entertainment, writing. Matt has gone to bed early in order to wake at 3am for a conference call. The day has rambled on like a long, slow hiking trail opening up to beautiful little meadows and creeks at unexpected moments. In learning to let go of my great need for control, life is getting better by the day. Matt asked me today what my plan was for the afternoon. I didn’t have much of a plan, only goal was to fold and put away two large baskets of laundry. Mockingly he told me I was ambitious. But honestly I seem to get more done and emit a much more pleasant vibe this way. I won’t deny that the dirty floor (thanks to Genevieve’s eating habits, gardening and our living so close to dirt) doesn’t scratch away at my sanity when I step on another squishy grain of rice after having swept four times in one day. Letting go of my crazy food dictatorship is an emerging freedom for the whole family.
Speaking of food, I am dissecting how in my great love for food I have managed to put such a negative face on it for Jess. Of course it is my distaste for lifeless, environmentally unsound, highly processed food, thus my love for good, local, whole foods. But it is also in my desire to re-create scarcity. I limit everything, only two of these, one of those, one glass of watered down juice a day. It’s rare that I don’t comment, “Jacinta, I think that’s enough.” Why feign scarcity? I want to avoid gluttony in a world where gluttonous societies gorge themselves in a world full of hunger. Of course I don’t shove starving children in her face like people used to do, but I silently rule and prepare with those children in mind. But in strong-arming the limits for so long, I haven’t allowed Jacinta to learn her own limits.
I was brought up believing in the scarcity of everything. It taught me not to waste and to take responsibility for my things. What a question! Shall we bring up our children in the mindset of the lush abundance of the earth or limited resources that are fast disappearing like petroleum or the number of ice cream bars left in the freezer? Obviously there is a balance to be found and I am searching for it. Examples of life’s abundance are strewn about us, it’s hard to miss. Pondering how one tiny tomato seed you spit out can grow a whole vine of tomatoes, that’s pure goodness. (Although I must say it’s not that simple, it’s very hard to manage one tomato vine and beat the bugs and birds to the fruit). If we ponder only the surface here, everything is rosy and abundant. I suppose for children, that’s all they are prepared to see or understand, the surface. I wanted to bring my children up with the weight of the world in their hands from day one. That sounds rough, I know, but I wanted to make up for my own ignorance and the ignorance of many Americans of the true state of the world and the ripple effect our overconsumption habits play out on the world stage. It’s a strange set of hopes I am mixing: to live locally, pour my love and energy into one place, making the smallest footprint on the earth that I possibly can, keeping the sadness and suffering of the rest of the world in mind, yet doing nothing directly about it. With that said, I am much happier calming down about food and allowing the occasional preservative and sugary treat into Jacinta’s diet. In fact, releasing control feels really good. The air is much lighter in our house. I’ve decided that my girls needn’t carry the world on their shoulders just yet, I’ll give them time
For the time being, we’re celebrating the goodness of the bees our friends Craig and Anissa depend upon for honey. Friday we went for a day of honey harvesting. Without the scary part of collecting the hives, we came after the boxes were already safely collected and inside the house. After a feast (meat balls and spaghetti sauce prepared by Matt!), Craig went about scraping the waxy comb off each frame with a machete-like knife. The kids ran in and out the room from playing to come and lick the honey off of the comb. The babies crawled around happily in awe of the big kids, hoping for a tiny lick of honey (a forbidden baby treat). Anissa and her mum prepared the buckets and got the kids organized. After the wax was removed from each frame they were placed in the honey extractor which looks like a huge metal pot with a hand crank on top and a tap at the bottom. Matt and Craig took turns stabilizing the extractor and turning the crank to spin the frames around so fast the honey fell to the bottom of the extractor. Then they opened the tap and strained the honey straight into buckets to be consumed. Mostly I just played with Genevieve and watched in awe but I did try out cutting off the wax. Being right in the middle of the bees handy work (without the bees), the smell was heavenly. I understand the term “robbing” the hive now, seriously taking away all of their hard work. It doesn’t change my enjoyment of honey, but I am surely more appreciative now. It was another lovely day spent with friends, watching our children bounce around with their peers, and diving into the awesome world of beekeeping. Perhaps someday we’ll build some boxes and start a hive. For now, we have enough going on.
I must mention that the laundry soap I made last week works! It was actually very simple: water, soap shavings, vinegar, tea tree oil and sodium carbonate. It made a large quantity which will last awhile. I love learning how to make things that seem so impossible to recreate, who ever thought you could make laundry soap? I’m sure people fifty years ago knew this, but somehow that information was not passed on. I’m sure I wouldn’t have listened anyway, could that be the reason? It’s also probably that people look for ways to simplify tasks, not add more work. I do realize that in my efforts to do things myself, I willingly add more labour to my plate. Thus I should never complain for lack of time. It’s just that I find joy in kneading dough, in learning chemistry through soap making, in toying with seeds and dirt, perhaps more joy in these things than having time to relax.
Of course we all like to relax, but I have to be in a certain mood. Friday night I went out to Thai food with all of the playgroup moms, I was surely in the mood for that! Matt put the girls to bed and I drove away towards the ocean feeling the freedom of a seagull. Genevieve made Matt’s job a little hard, but I didn’t hear about this until after 11pm when I returned. Matt’s pretty good at relaxing, he can sit without being productive if in good conversation or watching a good movie. He likes to relax with the newspaper or playing chess on the computer. I often cook or do the dishes when my friends are here. I might fold clothes or knit if I watch a movie. I guess it says something for Matt’s attention. Thich Nat Hanh (a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk) says “Cut Carrots,” meaning if you are going to do something, do it with all your heart and mind, concentrate. When Matt does dishes, digs pathways, works on his website, he is like a machine. When he relaxes, he really does let go of productivity. It could be that my tendency to do a few things at once and take a long while to finish a task is my nature, or that I’m the one the children most often call upon to fulfil their needs. It’s been relaxing in the evenings to catch up with Matt on all of the day’s news from his book and readings. We’ve been “wine tasting” different red wines. We buy two bottles of say, merlot, and compare them. It’s pretty funny, non-connaisseurs who will probably never spend more than 10$ a bottle trying to educate ourselves on the different varieties. It’s especially funny that our original inspiration to buy two bottles at once was the gift of four wine corks for Christmas, as if we have to use them. It still takes us a week to finish the two bottles. Good Macksville entertainment I suppose.
Matt is the shopper in the family. I find a day in the big stores in Coffs Harbour to be a day in hell, whereas Matt sees it as a good chance to get pricey items for less, a chance to be alone, and sometimes a chance to eat junk food. We need to buy things besides food, but I don’t have to do it! It’s a good system really. Our camera broke just a few days before its warrantee was up, so Matt drove out quickly to return it. Just this week, it was replaced by a whole new camera! In the same successful shopping excursion Matt rediscovered an awesome resale shop called Eco House and bought a bunch of canning jars and some other treasures. I suppose I better get canning. Cucumbers would be the only abundant vegetable right now. Pickles are on the agenda. Speaking of food storage, Matt went back to work on the cellar this week, (the cellar which is now covered up by the veranda). He covered up the “big hole” with a tin roof and began working on diverting the runoff water elsewhere. He also dug out a nice path and laid brick up to our front door in extreme heat. Now that the spa is in use again, we all feel justified working through the heat with a cool reward in sight. Keith worked dutifully on this spa these past few weeks, and it has paid off. The girls and I have enjoyed playing around in the water also, even though we haven’t toiled in the hot sun as much beforehand.
The girls and I spend the warm days working and playing inside and hanging out in the shade near their swing set. One silly thing we did this week was to make “baby bickies” with Genevieve. Yes, I mean letting her stick her hands in the dough and help, licking her hands and arms all throughout. We all had a great time. The next day I made bread and by the last few minutes of kneading she whined so much that I let her help. Jacinta isn’t interested in bread kneading these days, good for Evie I guess. She’s much more interested in drawing with her new markers (a messy Christmas present I wish hadn’t happened). She still loves arts and crafts, it might be her best bet for enjoying alone time. But even more, she loves her sister. One morning she woke and said, “Do you know who loves Evie the most?” I asked her who did and she replied, “ME!” They have been playing so well together this week, often giggling uncontrollably and rough housing. Jacinta is learning that rough play is alright if both parties are content and if it’s relatively safe. She used to call out to me while playing with her friends, “Mommy, they’re playing rough games!” Rather than being a whiner, I’ve decided to teach her to toughen up. She’d better because Genevieve is tough and getting ready to take on her big sister.
Sweet Evie is now walking, it’s hard to believe. They say the second one learns quicker as they have a little person inspiring them to get up. It’s just a miracle, just as beautiful as seeing a first child take her first steps. The pride, the joy, the concentration, the motivation, the instinctive will, it’s all amazing. She’ll stand there and stick her belly out testing out her balance, and sometimes fall over backwards. Other times she’ll stop after she takes a few steps and just celebrate with her hands over head, bobbing together up and down with the truest smile.
To add to the celebration, Jacinta has begun life outside of our little world. We left her at a table painting all alone last Monday, in the care of people we trusted but didn’t really know. A few tears dropped out of my eyes, not in sadness, but just wrenched out of me by the significance of the moment. While she soaked up this new world through arts and crafts, play dough, the playground, eating meals with other children, Matt, Genevieve and I lived life at home as usual. It was quieter, less frenetic, and nice for just one day a week. Any more, I would miss knowing what she was doing every moment of the day, seeing her shine and wither in the wind. But on this day I did get some work done on the chick pen. It’s a stretch getting anything done outside with Evie, as she wants to hold onto my legs and if she doesn’t, I have to watch her like a hawk for dangerous creatures like mosquitoes and snakes! Back to pre-school, Jacinta was in good hands, enjoyed herself and almost made it to pick up time without crying for mom. I was actually shocked that she had cried, but touched of course.
We had another loss this week in the animal world, the peacock. Much to our dismay, something got him. Jacinta again, did not cry but over the next few days came up with theories on the cause of death. Right after we found out, she said, “maybe he died from poisonous berries.” Out of nowhere a few days later she said guiltily, “Mommy, I left some berries for the peacock, maybe they were bad.” Poor girl, her wandering mind leading her to think she killed him! Then she blamed Matt, “maybe Daddy did it when he chased him the other day.” Then she decided it must have been hunters. My efforts to explain that it was probably a dog or a fox only made her think harder to contradict me and be right. He fanned his tail so much for us, perhaps as a thank you to Keith for the seed. We do miss him enchanting our veranda. One thing we agree upon is that “at least he had a good life!”
One slightly troubling joy is that my good friend Khady Gueye gave birth to her second little boy in Paris, France. How could Aboubacar Gueye’s arrival on earth be anything but joy? Khady is a friend of mine from Senegal whose physical body lives in France, but whose heart and soul resides in Senegal. She lives in France to make enough money to send back to her family to pay for her aging parents’ medical bills. Last year she lost a sister my age to cancer. Khady was stuck in France working to pay her for sister’s treatments, making it back to Senegal only in time for the funeral. Her husband can not get a visa to come out for the birth or a visit, because he is a young, male, African and a potential opportunist. So Khady gave birth alone, with no family anywhere and had a hard birth. Little Lamine is just four years old. So now Khady has two little boys to be her family in a place that sees her as a burden but pays her to labour, in a place for which she feels no love or connection. So I guess I bring this out to you all and just ask for prayers/good energy for Khady, Lamine and little Aboubacar Gueye. They represent an unfortunately large percent of the world, economical refugees in uncomfortable situations.
Oh, to end in such sadness, I apologize. It is late and this is where my mind has travelled. Geographically, I live in such a peaceful place. Life is not fair. I suppose we can only live with true peace in this injustice thinking that we’re doing our best not to contribute to the injustice. Or we just go on living in this pseudo peace in our little towns and try not to think about hell on earth too much. I don’t often allow my mind to wander to the incredible weight of the world on my shoulders these days, but it sneaks out sometimes. My friend Sara says that we should never act out of guilt, but only out of a truly positive desire to do something. There is no doubt that I want to do something because I yearn for a world where my good Senegalese friend can live in a place she loves, as I do. The question is WHAT CAN WE DO?
For lack of any idea, I’ll close my eyes and go to sleep and dream of such a world.
Peace,
Shana
Speaking of food, I am dissecting how in my great love for food I have managed to put such a negative face on it for Jess. Of course it is my distaste for lifeless, environmentally unsound, highly processed food, thus my love for good, local, whole foods. But it is also in my desire to re-create scarcity. I limit everything, only two of these, one of those, one glass of watered down juice a day. It’s rare that I don’t comment, “Jacinta, I think that’s enough.” Why feign scarcity? I want to avoid gluttony in a world where gluttonous societies gorge themselves in a world full of hunger. Of course I don’t shove starving children in her face like people used to do, but I silently rule and prepare with those children in mind. But in strong-arming the limits for so long, I haven’t allowed Jacinta to learn her own limits.
I was brought up believing in the scarcity of everything. It taught me not to waste and to take responsibility for my things. What a question! Shall we bring up our children in the mindset of the lush abundance of the earth or limited resources that are fast disappearing like petroleum or the number of ice cream bars left in the freezer? Obviously there is a balance to be found and I am searching for it. Examples of life’s abundance are strewn about us, it’s hard to miss. Pondering how one tiny tomato seed you spit out can grow a whole vine of tomatoes, that’s pure goodness. (Although I must say it’s not that simple, it’s very hard to manage one tomato vine and beat the bugs and birds to the fruit). If we ponder only the surface here, everything is rosy and abundant. I suppose for children, that’s all they are prepared to see or understand, the surface. I wanted to bring my children up with the weight of the world in their hands from day one. That sounds rough, I know, but I wanted to make up for my own ignorance and the ignorance of many Americans of the true state of the world and the ripple effect our overconsumption habits play out on the world stage. It’s a strange set of hopes I am mixing: to live locally, pour my love and energy into one place, making the smallest footprint on the earth that I possibly can, keeping the sadness and suffering of the rest of the world in mind, yet doing nothing directly about it. With that said, I am much happier calming down about food and allowing the occasional preservative and sugary treat into Jacinta’s diet. In fact, releasing control feels really good. The air is much lighter in our house. I’ve decided that my girls needn’t carry the world on their shoulders just yet, I’ll give them time
For the time being, we’re celebrating the goodness of the bees our friends Craig and Anissa depend upon for honey. Friday we went for a day of honey harvesting. Without the scary part of collecting the hives, we came after the boxes were already safely collected and inside the house. After a feast (meat balls and spaghetti sauce prepared by Matt!), Craig went about scraping the waxy comb off each frame with a machete-like knife. The kids ran in and out the room from playing to come and lick the honey off of the comb. The babies crawled around happily in awe of the big kids, hoping for a tiny lick of honey (a forbidden baby treat). Anissa and her mum prepared the buckets and got the kids organized. After the wax was removed from each frame they were placed in the honey extractor which looks like a huge metal pot with a hand crank on top and a tap at the bottom. Matt and Craig took turns stabilizing the extractor and turning the crank to spin the frames around so fast the honey fell to the bottom of the extractor. Then they opened the tap and strained the honey straight into buckets to be consumed. Mostly I just played with Genevieve and watched in awe but I did try out cutting off the wax. Being right in the middle of the bees handy work (without the bees), the smell was heavenly. I understand the term “robbing” the hive now, seriously taking away all of their hard work. It doesn’t change my enjoyment of honey, but I am surely more appreciative now. It was another lovely day spent with friends, watching our children bounce around with their peers, and diving into the awesome world of beekeeping. Perhaps someday we’ll build some boxes and start a hive. For now, we have enough going on.
I must mention that the laundry soap I made last week works! It was actually very simple: water, soap shavings, vinegar, tea tree oil and sodium carbonate. It made a large quantity which will last awhile. I love learning how to make things that seem so impossible to recreate, who ever thought you could make laundry soap? I’m sure people fifty years ago knew this, but somehow that information was not passed on. I’m sure I wouldn’t have listened anyway, could that be the reason? It’s also probably that people look for ways to simplify tasks, not add more work. I do realize that in my efforts to do things myself, I willingly add more labour to my plate. Thus I should never complain for lack of time. It’s just that I find joy in kneading dough, in learning chemistry through soap making, in toying with seeds and dirt, perhaps more joy in these things than having time to relax.
Of course we all like to relax, but I have to be in a certain mood. Friday night I went out to Thai food with all of the playgroup moms, I was surely in the mood for that! Matt put the girls to bed and I drove away towards the ocean feeling the freedom of a seagull. Genevieve made Matt’s job a little hard, but I didn’t hear about this until after 11pm when I returned. Matt’s pretty good at relaxing, he can sit without being productive if in good conversation or watching a good movie. He likes to relax with the newspaper or playing chess on the computer. I often cook or do the dishes when my friends are here. I might fold clothes or knit if I watch a movie. I guess it says something for Matt’s attention. Thich Nat Hanh (a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk) says “Cut Carrots,” meaning if you are going to do something, do it with all your heart and mind, concentrate. When Matt does dishes, digs pathways, works on his website, he is like a machine. When he relaxes, he really does let go of productivity. It could be that my tendency to do a few things at once and take a long while to finish a task is my nature, or that I’m the one the children most often call upon to fulfil their needs. It’s been relaxing in the evenings to catch up with Matt on all of the day’s news from his book and readings. We’ve been “wine tasting” different red wines. We buy two bottles of say, merlot, and compare them. It’s pretty funny, non-connaisseurs who will probably never spend more than 10$ a bottle trying to educate ourselves on the different varieties. It’s especially funny that our original inspiration to buy two bottles at once was the gift of four wine corks for Christmas, as if we have to use them. It still takes us a week to finish the two bottles. Good Macksville entertainment I suppose.
Matt is the shopper in the family. I find a day in the big stores in Coffs Harbour to be a day in hell, whereas Matt sees it as a good chance to get pricey items for less, a chance to be alone, and sometimes a chance to eat junk food. We need to buy things besides food, but I don’t have to do it! It’s a good system really. Our camera broke just a few days before its warrantee was up, so Matt drove out quickly to return it. Just this week, it was replaced by a whole new camera! In the same successful shopping excursion Matt rediscovered an awesome resale shop called Eco House and bought a bunch of canning jars and some other treasures. I suppose I better get canning. Cucumbers would be the only abundant vegetable right now. Pickles are on the agenda. Speaking of food storage, Matt went back to work on the cellar this week, (the cellar which is now covered up by the veranda). He covered up the “big hole” with a tin roof and began working on diverting the runoff water elsewhere. He also dug out a nice path and laid brick up to our front door in extreme heat. Now that the spa is in use again, we all feel justified working through the heat with a cool reward in sight. Keith worked dutifully on this spa these past few weeks, and it has paid off. The girls and I have enjoyed playing around in the water also, even though we haven’t toiled in the hot sun as much beforehand.
The girls and I spend the warm days working and playing inside and hanging out in the shade near their swing set. One silly thing we did this week was to make “baby bickies” with Genevieve. Yes, I mean letting her stick her hands in the dough and help, licking her hands and arms all throughout. We all had a great time. The next day I made bread and by the last few minutes of kneading she whined so much that I let her help. Jacinta isn’t interested in bread kneading these days, good for Evie I guess. She’s much more interested in drawing with her new markers (a messy Christmas present I wish hadn’t happened). She still loves arts and crafts, it might be her best bet for enjoying alone time. But even more, she loves her sister. One morning she woke and said, “Do you know who loves Evie the most?” I asked her who did and she replied, “ME!” They have been playing so well together this week, often giggling uncontrollably and rough housing. Jacinta is learning that rough play is alright if both parties are content and if it’s relatively safe. She used to call out to me while playing with her friends, “Mommy, they’re playing rough games!” Rather than being a whiner, I’ve decided to teach her to toughen up. She’d better because Genevieve is tough and getting ready to take on her big sister.
Sweet Evie is now walking, it’s hard to believe. They say the second one learns quicker as they have a little person inspiring them to get up. It’s just a miracle, just as beautiful as seeing a first child take her first steps. The pride, the joy, the concentration, the motivation, the instinctive will, it’s all amazing. She’ll stand there and stick her belly out testing out her balance, and sometimes fall over backwards. Other times she’ll stop after she takes a few steps and just celebrate with her hands over head, bobbing together up and down with the truest smile.
To add to the celebration, Jacinta has begun life outside of our little world. We left her at a table painting all alone last Monday, in the care of people we trusted but didn’t really know. A few tears dropped out of my eyes, not in sadness, but just wrenched out of me by the significance of the moment. While she soaked up this new world through arts and crafts, play dough, the playground, eating meals with other children, Matt, Genevieve and I lived life at home as usual. It was quieter, less frenetic, and nice for just one day a week. Any more, I would miss knowing what she was doing every moment of the day, seeing her shine and wither in the wind. But on this day I did get some work done on the chick pen. It’s a stretch getting anything done outside with Evie, as she wants to hold onto my legs and if she doesn’t, I have to watch her like a hawk for dangerous creatures like mosquitoes and snakes! Back to pre-school, Jacinta was in good hands, enjoyed herself and almost made it to pick up time without crying for mom. I was actually shocked that she had cried, but touched of course.
We had another loss this week in the animal world, the peacock. Much to our dismay, something got him. Jacinta again, did not cry but over the next few days came up with theories on the cause of death. Right after we found out, she said, “maybe he died from poisonous berries.” Out of nowhere a few days later she said guiltily, “Mommy, I left some berries for the peacock, maybe they were bad.” Poor girl, her wandering mind leading her to think she killed him! Then she blamed Matt, “maybe Daddy did it when he chased him the other day.” Then she decided it must have been hunters. My efforts to explain that it was probably a dog or a fox only made her think harder to contradict me and be right. He fanned his tail so much for us, perhaps as a thank you to Keith for the seed. We do miss him enchanting our veranda. One thing we agree upon is that “at least he had a good life!”
One slightly troubling joy is that my good friend Khady Gueye gave birth to her second little boy in Paris, France. How could Aboubacar Gueye’s arrival on earth be anything but joy? Khady is a friend of mine from Senegal whose physical body lives in France, but whose heart and soul resides in Senegal. She lives in France to make enough money to send back to her family to pay for her aging parents’ medical bills. Last year she lost a sister my age to cancer. Khady was stuck in France working to pay her for sister’s treatments, making it back to Senegal only in time for the funeral. Her husband can not get a visa to come out for the birth or a visit, because he is a young, male, African and a potential opportunist. So Khady gave birth alone, with no family anywhere and had a hard birth. Little Lamine is just four years old. So now Khady has two little boys to be her family in a place that sees her as a burden but pays her to labour, in a place for which she feels no love or connection. So I guess I bring this out to you all and just ask for prayers/good energy for Khady, Lamine and little Aboubacar Gueye. They represent an unfortunately large percent of the world, economical refugees in uncomfortable situations.
Oh, to end in such sadness, I apologize. It is late and this is where my mind has travelled. Geographically, I live in such a peaceful place. Life is not fair. I suppose we can only live with true peace in this injustice thinking that we’re doing our best not to contribute to the injustice. Or we just go on living in this pseudo peace in our little towns and try not to think about hell on earth too much. I don’t often allow my mind to wander to the incredible weight of the world on my shoulders these days, but it sneaks out sometimes. My friend Sara says that we should never act out of guilt, but only out of a truly positive desire to do something. There is no doubt that I want to do something because I yearn for a world where my good Senegalese friend can live in a place she loves, as I do. The question is WHAT CAN WE DO?
For lack of any idea, I’ll close my eyes and go to sleep and dream of such a world.
Peace,
Shana
posted by Matt & Shana & Jacinta & Genevieve Henry at
11:19 PM
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