Oh.... that's not our's

Hello there. It is still light out on a Saturday night, ahhh. We are in the comforts of my dad and Barb’s home in Mokena, Illinois. Just having finished dinner, my belly is full of lovely local veggies, brown rice, tofu and wine. Matt is out relishing the novelty of late night American consumerism: looking for extra luggage. The girls have been asleep since about 6:30 after a relaxing, yet fun-filled day for little people. Genevieve is worn out from her lack of naps and efforts to crawl now that she has gotten up off her belly and onto to her knees. Jacinta played with Lincoln Logs, ran around in the garden, picked and ate garden grapes, helped Grandpa make pancakes and mulch trees, rolled around with her little sister, played tennis, played at a park, went into town with daddy, shelled peanuts with me, read books, worked on puzzles with her Uncle Jeff and ate and drank as much as she was allowed. Such is the life of a three year old. We have each been enjoying life with our family in our own ways. Matt and my dad share their love for computers and recording equipment, while Barb and I share time gardening and talking about plants and trees. Dad and Barb both get down on the floor to connect with Evie and invite Jacinta to join them in whatever they are doing. We are truly making the most of our time with our family and feel really lucky to have the time to relax with them.

The girls and I are also feeling lucky to have Matt back in our midst, physically and mentally. When at camp, “camp” is life: the beginning and the end, the question and the answer, the problem and the solution of everything. We loved that life, but are quite pleased to have family be everything again. I now have a few more quiet moments with Genevieve and even myself, a little more energy to be patient, more time to knit and more time to read Harry Potter. Genevieve gets more attention down on the floor while rolling around. Jacinta gets more tickles, piggy back rides, treats and trips into town.

Jacinta is an interesting little bird at times, to put it nicely. It embarrasses me that she is so fickle about who she lets into her circle each day. This is something I expected: my daughter will love and be kind to everyone I love, all the time, by choice and not by force. Grand expectations, yes, but I thought I could control everything through example and discipline. Unfortunately, you can not force a child to hug, kiss or even smile at someone. Imagine depriving, slapping or spanking your child because they did not feel like hugging a family member. You can trick them, charm them, bribe them, but you can not bend their will. In the past, Jacinta has given Matt the cold shoulder for periods of time. He has had to work pretty hard for her affection at times, it is terrible. I try my damnedest to change her behavior, sometimes by giving her the cold shoulder. Is that terrible too? This summer she watched her daddy work with all of the counselors and campers, watched him shine, be loved and needed by many people. She has decided to join the crowd. She giggled with excitement in anticipation of his return. Now that we have him back, she seeks him out often, treasures his affection and wants to go out anytime he goes out. We are all happy to be back together again, and Matt is relieved to have some time to relax.

I used to write a paragraph about Matt each week. I struggled to come up with anything to say in the last month because I honestly didn’t know how he was doing, or if I did, it was confidential. I am now happy to report that Matt is well! He really enjoyed camp. Not only did he become a major member of a tight community of do-gooders, but he also felt as if he accomplished what the grant set out for him to do. He wouldn’t say this but I will and I am being modest: he inspired a few counselors and campers to share their gifts creatively, love confidently, ask questions, and look for the divine in every day life. He also made it out to the Creation Spirituality Communities Conference and connected with inspiring people to refuel and energize his passion to share Creation Spirituality with others through the website. Now he is just content to relax and reconnect with our little family and my family in the Midwestern USA, as am I.

We spent a few more lovely days at my mom and George’s house this week. We made lots of new memories upon which I will linger when I miss my mom from afar, once back in Australia. Of course I don’t think of each fun moment as something I will miss later on rather than enjoying it for the beautiful moment it is. It is only in the processing of my week that I have to turn this lovely visit into a memory, as we left mom’s yesterday. Each morning mom played children’s songs on the piano while Jacinta and I danced and Evie watched from her flying position on the floor. Late one night mom and I played duets on the piano, something I haven’t done for probably twenty years. She was very patient with me, being the good piano teacher she is. We had lots of good food thanks to mom’s gardener friends and a local veggie stand. We made zucchini bread, ate lots of fresh corn, peas, beans, tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers. Summer is surely the best time to get veggies in the Eastern United States. We went to the beach a few nights in a row to cool off, have dinner and watch the sunset. We also met up with some good Michigan friends at the beach one morning. We laughed, played, swam, swapped parenting stories and left feeling sorry that we don’t live closer.

It is a strange mix of emotions we all have right now. We already have nostalgia of the people we have seen here in the US, gratefulness to have seen them, yet sadness for the indefinite period of time we will be separated. We miss our home in Australia, being settled, being in charge of our own schedule, being in our own space, in our own home which Matt just built. We are overwhelmed with the love our friends and family here in the USA have shown us, yet realize we are very spread out here. We have people to love and catch up with in at least ten different states, yet we will never be able to see all of them, even given three months. At the same time, we are thinking of our new friends in Macksville, and how few, yet how amazing they all are, and how easy it will seem to hang out with them when we return. We are relishing every moment with our family here in the US, although the thought is present in my mind that I have no idea when we will meet again. How old will our girls be? Will anyone fly out our way, and if so, when? Amidst all of the emotions, we are just plain happy to be together, not working and with family.

Jacinta has dealt incredibly well with this journey, hopping from home to home. She is so used to spontaneous movements that she will happily show up at a place, and without anxiety or excitement, merely inquire as to what we’ll be doing and who we’ll be meeting. She was pleasantly surprised though, the other day when I dropped into my home town, Homewood, where I grew up. “Are we meeting anyone?” I explained that I really just wanted to walk around and see what the town looked like after ten years. She was pleasantly surprised. The girls and I enjoyed walking around, playing at the park, checking out the shops and having treats at a few choice eating establishments. Back when we left camp, I mentioned our return to Australia for the first time. Jacinta jumped for joy and excitedly asked what she could take on the plane. Instantly she changed her talking points to include her Aussie friends and family, whereas most of the summer she focused on whoever she happened to see that week. She knows that we’re spending some time with my family here first. But for the first time, she knows what our last three moves will be and that following our last move we will be heading back to Australia. The first thing she excitedly told my dad when we arrived on Friday was the plan: “We are going to the girl’s house (my friends from high school), then to baby Kai’s house, and then we are going back to Australia!” This is partly why I avoided giving her any sort of a plan. Yesterday she asked if she’d be four years old when we got back to Australia. She just turned three two months ago. She gets a bit excited for events she knows about in advance. I feared she’d wake up and pack her bags every morning, but my fears were unfounded. She is loving every moment of every day here with family. She may not readily give out hugs to everyone at the right time, but she is genuinely content here, seizing the day for all it is worth.

I will close with a story which Matt relayed to me. On one of their trips into town, he and Jess were standing in line to check out. A kind woman in front of them pointed out a penny to Jacinta, a penny on the floor. She meant for Jacinta to pick it up and take it. But honest Jacinta looked seriously at the woman and replied, “Oh…that’s not ours.” She really would have liked it, but was being polite and very honest. The woman insisted, as Jacinta persisted on her line. The woman was enchanted that this little girl could think a penny was really that important and she could be so honest when she clearly wanted that penny. Eventually she emerged from the shop with a penny in her hand and a story to tell, having warmed a few hearts.

Warming a few hearts is all we can aim to do, that and seize the day enough to enjoy your rest. Off I go, to warm a few hearts (my girls’) and rest after a good day.

Goodnight y’all.

Shana

p.s. for the record… Jacinta had her first bee sting today, on the palm of her left hand. She cried pretty hard, but with some ice and baking soda/water paste, all was well pretty quickly.