Tick tock tick tock

Good evening loved ones. I breathe a sigh of relief each night when I finally stop moving and thinking about others. My children have gone to sleep. This is the major mind shift that happens when children come into our lives. One’s entire focus: every action, thought and word involves not only oneself, but also takes into account the extra beings you co-created. There are three human beings in my mind at all times. Although Jacinta and Genevieve have not actually requested that I think about them every second of the day, it is human nature, Mother nature. It’s quite a duty to think for three people, but one I enjoy. I can also understand how some mothers really need to work outside of the home for sanity. When night time comes, after our sweet bedtime routine, some kisses and lullabies, I come to life as a different Shana, a Shana that can focus on one thing at a time and actually listen. It is time to contemplate, enjoy the blessings, reflect on the sorrows and grieve wholeheartedly, rethink my actions, and listen to the night.

The clock is saying, “tick tock tick tock,” and reminding me that my time in Michigan is running out. Of course time is passing, it’s just how you look at it. My relationship with time has been a bit stressful this past week. I am busy trying to plan out these last few days making sure that I don’t miss out on any of my friends. The sad thing is that even with two months here in Michigan, there are still friends that I love and with whom I yearned to spend a few hours, but will end up having had only a five minute chat. As the clock continues to tick tock, the realization sets in that I won’t make it out to Amy’s house or to have dinner with Margarida. I try to enjoy each day to its fullest here at camp or out visiting friends without tiring the girls out by flapping my social butterfly wings too quickly.

Matt and I were both sick with colds this week, and it made me miss my kitchen back in Australia where I have all the herbs I need to make us well. This week Jacinta tried to make Jedda out of Lego’s. She reminisced, “remember when we used to make cards for my friends?” This question made me realize how busy we are here: playing and visiting. We used to have time to send mail, whereas now we see most of the people for whom we would make cards. Of course we miss the comforts of our own space. Being away from home for three months is a long time, although home is an abstract concept for us.

In preparation for this three month uprooting, we tried to teach Jacinta that home is anywhere that we (her parents) are. We have many homes all over the world. This particular home, Camp Skyline, is so wonderfully familiar to Matt and I. It has fortunately become a loved and accepted home for our girls. The campers who are different every week are interesting, kind, yet temporary friends in Jacinta’s mind: big kids to observe and be loved by. Jacinta says at every meal, “I want to eat with the campers.” She doesn’t know any of their names, or talk to them. She just wants to watch them. I love chatting with young people, but it’s a chaotic place for a baby to roll around on her little blanket and a bit risqué to breastfeed around adolescent boys. I give it a go once in a while, but lately I’ve been setting her up with another counselor while I eat in a quieter room. For Genevieve the campers are extra loving arms, eager arms, not tired arms. They are smiling faces and smiley eyes, eager little souls wanting to try their hand at making a warm cuddly baby happy, all the while showing their friends that they know how. The elementary school campers last week were forthright in their praise of Jacinta’s swimming skills, commenting whenever they saw us, “She knows how to swim better than I do!” “How old is she?” “That’s the little girl that can swim!” “She can swim, right?” They were of course, better swimmers but their attention made her feel good.

The garden gave me a boost this week. Seeds came up in less than four days! I am now convinced that soaking seeds jump starts germination. The lettuce and beet seeds came up first, then by Thursday peas, carrots, spinach and beans were up. I had my first little gardening hour with ten eager children and three great counselors to help. We talked about which vegetables they liked, if and what they had grown, when and where veggies grow. They hopped from one stepping stone to another guessing the types of seedlings that had come up, tasting little beet leaves. At one point all ten of them stood on stepping stones surrounding a triangle of unplanted soil, bent down and planted a corn seed. We passed around the watering can. The highlight for them was probably getting sprayed by the hose on a hot day. We finished off our time together painting vegetables on paint stirrers to mark where seeds were planted. I lost my voice in the middle of the hour. This is the first time I have tried to hold a class’s attention since my days of teaching French. It is unbelievable how certain tricks of the trade stay with you, yet how fast you can lose the ability to conserve your voice.

Matt has been busily preparing for our concert next week: practicing, recording, remixing songs, designing cd covers, and printing and burning cds. This is all in addition to his normal camp duties. His cold is gone and mine is on its way out so our voices should be clearer by Friday night. We had a good laugh one night this weekend when a raccoon followed us into the building where we were recording. He couldn’t find an open door to escape us (chasing him), so he waddled back and forth until we finally figured out how to escort him out the door. I actually “planned” us a weekend with no plans and no visitors so Matt had a whole day to himself. His job and weekends here are socially demanding, so he needed some time.

I, on the other hand, took the opportunity to go on a local food loving celebration with a bunch of the awesome ladies on staff and my girls. We all smashed into the minivan to go raspberry picking, to a local dairy, and to the farmer’s market. Jacinta fed the calves and baby goats some raspberries. The calves sucked our fingers and everybody had ice cream. What more could you want? Although I still miss out on dairy products, I lived vicariously through my friends’ enjoyment of the local fare. We returned to camp to cook up a lovely local dinner: Hamburgers, corn, green salad with cucumbers, berries and toasted almonds, stir-fried zucchini and raspberry pie. On Sunday the girls and I spent the day with more food-loving friends. Jess and Iris played non-stop for about eight hours: swimming, imagining, painting, playing in sand, playing hockey, it was impressive. The babies rolled around on blankets while we all hid from the heat in the shade of big trees in a small suburban backyard, all day long, a true Sabbath.

Although we planned no visitors for the weekend, we had great visits throughout the week. My friend Lisa came up on Monday loaded down with canned fish and fresh fruit for us. She taught Jess how to make sand angels on the sand hill and inspired me to let Genevieve play in the sand. She was hot and fussy so we figured it was worth a try. Once Evie got her feet in that sand she was perfectly content. As you’d expect she also got a mouthful of sand. It didn’t seem to bother her. It took her two days to poop it out though. Imagine that, first food: breast milk, second food: sand. Lisa was the first to ask, “is she teething?” I was in denial, but today, I am accepting that yes, she is already teething. I forgot about teething, but it’s all coming crashing back to me now. Ahhhhh! Poor girl in pain, poor me and my ears, and poor Jacinta who can’t ask me questions knowing that I won’t hear her with Evie yelling so loud. I starting giving her whole frozen carrots today and she loves them. She’s even learning how to hold them herself, sucking on them like there’s no tomorrow. She’s become very loud all of the sudden, giggling, yelling and chirping like a cricket. She’ll sometimes stare you down, make this cute cooing sound, give you a big smile and look away shyly, still smiling. She’s trying to win the “cute award.” I think she has won.

The fourth of July came and went, but left me with another load of great clothes from the Salvation Army and memories of a good time with our friends Kristen and Brian and their sons Gaelen and Lohan. The Salvation Army had a big 50% off sale, what better way to celebrate America: freedom and shopping. This will be a mockworthy point my girls will one day have on me. I can hear it now, “Our mom is so cheap she waits until the resale shops have a sale to go shopping!” I feel quite accomplished in my efforts to convince Jess and Evie that they were having as much fun as I was. The rainy day cleared up in time for our friends to set up their tent. These were more food loving friends, people we met in our old simple living circle. The kids stayed up late enough to see the stars, light sparklers, and tell stories around the campfire. Matt missed most of the fun, but made it back for the fire and found great joy in talking about something other than camp for an hour.

I am convinced that children can feel the positive energy that we emit towards certain friends. I know I have mentioned this before but I find it amazing that Jacinta can go for an entire year of her three year old life span without seeing someone. We talk about our faraway friends from time to time and keep them alive in our hearts through pictures and letters. When we meet again, Jacinta feels that energy and invites our friends straight into her world. Our friend Emily came out this week and Jacinta followed her around soaking up all of the love and attention she could. Emily is a lovely humanitarian and is studying osteopathy so I too tried to grab Emily’s attention and got some “treatment.” Matt luckily found some time between burning dvd’s to catch up with Emily. My friend Linda from school also came out this week. She used to spend a lot of time with Jacinta as a baby. I always wonder if the affection Jacinta feels for her is at all related to subconscious memories or if it is just Linda’s gentleness, humility and positive energy. You never know :)

Well, I must bid you good night. Soak up lots of love and attention. Make an osteopathic friend, they are amazing. Lastly, soak up as much positive energy from the earth, her food and her people as you can possibly absorb in your little body.

Peace,

Shana