When you're not looking

Good evening :) It has been such a long week I can hardly remember what has gone on. This weekend Matt and I took the girls to Sydney for some visiting. Life with two children is so unbelievably different than life with an only child. I could say tiring, yes, but that would be leaving out the extra joy Genevieve adds to the family. The other day a friend of mine commented that her toddler began his tantrums the day his new little brother was born and that he became a whole new child. That made it all feel more normal, but Jacinta’s tantrums started well before Genevieve’s birth. Does this mean she is advanced???

Learning that the earth does not revolve around you alone must be a hard lesson to learn. I was the second child, so I knew the earth revolved around at least my sister and I. It is a good lesson to learn early on, but is not so easily taken, even when there’s more than enough love flowing around to be shared. Of course Jacinta would never say she was jealous or sad because of Genevieve, but her sadness surely comes out in other forms. She knows the word, “snotty” quite well and understands that she will be reprimanded for being snotty. It is often the word she uses when apologizing for bad behavior, “I’m sorry for being snotty Daddy.” She is looking for boundaries with great vigor and testing our endurance. I’ll admit that some days I don’t have the energy to outlast her insistence, but I know that if I give in now due to fatigue, I will be one tired woman for the next eighteen years. I said to her one day, “Jacinta, stop jumping off of the couch.” She honestly replied, “I do that when you’re not looking.” We then talked about it, but I heard the same response to a correction from Matt later on. Honesty, wow. I suppose it’s not our job to teach her when keeping your mouth shut might get you further than complete honesty, although I’m sure she’ll learn soon enough.

Of course, honesty is the best policy, as our parents taught us. Seeing her little sister in our arms most of the time had made Jacinta much more interested in cuddles. In the past, she snottily refused Matt’s affection from time to time. Now, she can’t get enough. Starting out the week with daylight savings, Jacinta began waking before 6am and also stopped napping. Matt and I are suffering from sleep deprivation, but knew the end of the nap was coming. She’s a real big sister now. How could she possibly take a nap? No matter how tired she is, she grasps at straws to stay awake and succeeds until about 6 or 7pm. In her fatigue, she sometimes gets lost and doesn’t know what to do with herself. The other day she was beginning a whiny episode of misbehaving and finally verbalized what she really needed. We were in her bedroom playing while I was holding Genevieve and Jess quietly whined, “I wanna be in daddy’s arms.” Most times she responds to fatigue or sadness with misbehavior or a sullen silence, but sometimes she honestly knows what she needs. Matt heard her from the other room and quickly swept her up for some love, cuddles and attention.

As I contemplate what to write next, I realize how little I have to say about life outside of my children. Life has changed, although I do hope to get back into thinking about the world outside of our five acres pretty soon! So excuse my lack of worldliness for a while, and try to keep me informed on any world issues that I should really be contemplating :) I am still passionate about the earth, inequality and my friends and family, near and far, but I’m just not up to date. It’s strange not to be learning anything from books or media, but only from my children, friends and the plants and animals surrounding me. Matt has taken a dive into his studies and writing, and feels terrible when he is not seeping up or creating new information. I suppose I am starting to feel a tinge of this need, but know that in a few months Genevieve will get through colic. We’ll get more sleep, the mosquitoes will die, I’ll be able to fit in some more study time on plants and we’ll get back in the garden to try out new ideas. For now, I have fallen in love with a new daughter and a whole new Jacinta, I am falling in love with new friends, and falling out of love with food.

This is not to say that I don’t care what I eat, but more so that food is now much less exciting. I have given up most foods and spices in the hopes of clearing up Genevieve’s colic. A few weeks ago I gave up dairy, which is hard enough. Last week I began an elimination diet in search of the culprits, the foods which Genevieve’s little system can not handle. I started out one day with rice, eggs and bananas. The next day I replaced the eggs with fish and added some nuts. I then added a few fruits and a few vegetables. By Thursday, Genevieve’s colic was gone! No crying on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Saturday night I ate lasagne, and it was so good, but Genevieve is now on her second night of pain from the cheese, I think. We had a three night holiday from colic, but are now back to bouncing, rocking back and forth staring at lights and candles, and feeling bad for Evie’s little belly while she doubles over and screams. We hope the dairy leaves my system quickly and that the colic disappears once again. I will have learned my lesson. It’s a sacrifice that I am happy to make, but it is so strange having such a boring diet all of the sudden. Typically I dedicate so much energy to what and how I will prepare meals. Now, it’s pretty basic. How many ways can you prepare fish and rice with no spices? I use fennel because it reduces colic in babies, and luckily it goes quite well with fish! A fellow food-lover friend of mine has also given up most foods in search of a solution to her baby’s eczema. Unfortunately, the culprit is not yet forthcoming and it is very frustrating. We feel quite hopeful this week, but the last two night’s crying make me feel guiltier than ever.

Genevieve is doing well besides her tight little tummy. She can roll from her front to her back because she hates being on her belly unless she is sleeping. She’ll hold her head up high and strong to follow you or the sounds you make with her eyes and look intensely into your eyes until she loses energy and drops her head all of the sudden. The three nights without colic, she caught up on lost sleep wasted on crying and began making new noises. I suppose she figured, “Wow, what do I do with all this time? I don’t feel like crying, but I want to be heard. I’ll make a cute little happy sound and then they’ll ooh and ahh over me.” If she actually thought it all out, she was right. She is growing, as babies do, but I can’t tell you how much. She hasn’t lost her hair yet, but her scaly skin, yes. When she is awake, her eyes are wide open and quite intense. She loves watching shadows moving, and is really starting to take notice of Jacinta. Like all babies, little Evie loves holding your fingers and being held by loving arms. Once asleep she likes to be held for at least thirty minutes before being set down if she is to remain asleep. Last week she slept through all two hours of playgroup, held in the arms of many women, none of which she ever saw. She also came along to choir and was amazed all throughout with her eyes wide open, again being passed from arm to arm.

Jacinta was sad to miss choir but with her new schedule, she is going to bed by the time choir gets going. All on her own though, she began singing scales this week, using words. She’ll sing up and down five notes “two pretty babies, two pretty babies, two pretty babies ,” etc. Matt too has a new schedule in that he is trying to write between 9:30 and 3:30, so this has given the girls and I a little more routine. In the mornings when Genevieve lies down for a nap, Jacinta and I have some time in the garden. I have finally convinced her that gardening is fun again, it was hard though. She was out of practice. How strange that I have to convince my daughter to play outside rather than inside. Another new routine for Jess is having painting “lessons” with her Pop who is a talented artist. She loves the one-on-one, the concentration and just being with Keith. She also goes out with Matt each day after he finishes writing. So after years of having very little routine in her life, she is finally able to expect certain things in the day. For a little Gemini who thrives on order and patterns, this seems to make her happy. I referred to her jokingly one day as the “queen of order,” and she quickly repeated it and giggled as if she understood. When organizing things, I may try and hurry her up. She politely explains what she is doing and that “This is very important.”

This may be a theme in her life, not wanting to be hurried. But this is just what parents do, hurry their slow poke children along on the sidewalks, getting into the car, getting shoes on, getting off of the toilet, getting dressed in the morning, and on and on. This weekend we visited Matt’s dad and Carolyn, some close friends in Sydney and Matt’s sister Louise and her family. Hellos are easy, but each time we went to say goodbye Jacinta retracted. She refused to give hugs or kisses. She sulked and tried to hide in my arms. We thought she was just being snotty, but later on thought it may have been the sadness of saying hello and goodbye so quickly. It is a sad way to see people, to leave as quickly as you settle down, but it is our modern day society. We don’t stay in one place for very long.

The inspiration for our first trip to Sydney with two children was to see a concert at the Sydney Opera House. Michael Leunig’s poems were to be sung by Gyan, a woman with a lovely voice and some other amazing musicians, while Michael illustrated the lyrics on an overhead screen for all to see. Leunig is a brilliant poet and cartoonist that Matt and I have both loved and read for many years, so this was a great opportunity. The performance was awesome, our two girls were lovely to have along and Matt and I were in heaven for a few hours. Seeing people out after dark was great. Being in the bright lights of the city was also a nice change, if you can believe I actually appreciate bright city lights.

I’ll close with a poem by Michael Leunig which was sung this weekend.

The Summer Palace

Make a little garden in your pocket.

Plant your cuffs with radishes and rocket.

Let a passion fruit crawl up your thigh.

Grow some oregano in your fly.

Make a steamy compost of your fears.

Trickle irrigate your life with tears.

Let your troubled mind become a trellis.

Turn your heart into a summer palace.

Peace,

Shana