I see myself in her

Good evening loved ones (: I have been sitting here for a while stretching my mind to remember this week. Life with a newborn passes so differently, so slowly and peacefully that it’s hard to recount what you actually do. Matt, Jess and I have all slowed down to Genevieve’s pace, well, close to it. We obviously can’t sleep nineteen hours a day, but we sure spend a fair bit of time staring and making faces at our new little girl, walking around and soothing her, and changing diapers. I get the added bonus of feeding her. Jess has the thrill of making her little sister smile or simply bringing her peace by sitting nearby. Matt is thrilled to have another little girl to cover in kisses who is still a few years away from saying, “Da-ad, I don’t want any more kisses!” like Jacinta does now. We are all quite happy these days, albeit a little tired from the late nights. Becoming a family of four has been lovely: meal times, sharing time and space with each lovely girl, play time, and bed time. Somehow it seems that Genevieve filled in a little hole that we didn’t know existed, and perhaps it’s also thanks to the new house.

Jacinta is finally giving up on her role as a “mommy’s girl,” and is allowing Matt to help her with everything. She quite happily embraces the hours we spend either cuddling or feeding Genevieve, especially when she is allowed to give cuddles and kisses too. Perhaps she has also noticed that we have more time to play with her since life has slowed down so much. Matt is no longer building all day long, and I am no longer obsessed with productivity, as I can not be. Jess usually gets extra stories while I am feeding Genevieve, to which she is convinced that her little sister is also listening. We spend more time building with blocks and playing games than ever. She figured out a good way to include younger babies in her play is to allow them to knock down her towers of blocks. Now she insists that Genevieve “kick” over her towers, with my assistance of course. It is quite entertaining. Just this week I have noticed her games have evolved into creative play in that now she is putting different toys together to make them do new things. Today she played for an hour with a board game including marbles. By the end she was energetically running back and forth fetching things from her bedroom with which she would fill the game box and make the marbles dodge them. Today while gazing into Genevieve’s eyes on our bed, Jess excitedly said, “I see myself in her!” We think she was referring to her own reflection in her sister’s pupils which is very exciting to a little two year old who loves looking in mirrors. But maybe, just maybe she was appreciating the similarities in her and her sister’s appearance.

Although our car is still in the shop and has been for almost three weeks, we got out a little bit this week. I visited the doctor, Genevieve had her hearing screening test, Jess had two swimming lessons, Matt and Jess took bike rides to the park, and I took my first real walk with Jacinta one evening down to “muck walk” at the foot of the dam.

We found a local fisherman who sells fish out of his house. You just go to the door and his wife comes to the outdoor fridge to show you what he’s caught the day before, and takes the money. I bought snapper, tarwhine, and trevalley fish while Jess played on the rocking horse and Matt stayed in the car with Genevieve. Matt even tried the fish for dinner one evening and enjoyed it! We all went into town Thursday morning to run some errands, have juice and coffee at a café, and take Jess to playgroup. It was funny when Matt and I dropped her off as she left our sides immediately and went straight to play. After a quick hello to the other moms, I bid my big girl goodbye and she didn’t seem bothered, but as we walked out the gate she ran and bellowed loud enough to stop all conversation, “DADDY DADDY DADDY!” When she reached the gate, she quietly and nonchalantly said, “goodbye,” and scampered off to play. Matt had never dared enter those gates before, full of so many chatty mothers, so she was perhaps honored to have her daddy there. My friend Michelle took care of Jacinta at playgroup and reported that she didn’t seem to miss my presence much, but wailed louder than she has ever heard her wail when a little boy snatched the baby stroller from her and ran off. Typically she just watches the children do this, stares sadly for a few seconds, then either grabs a new toy or comes to me and asks for food. It’s so hard to watch this, but I don’t interfere. Later on I congratulate her on letting go and feel slightly accomplished in preventing her from growing too attached to material things.

Speaking of attachment, we are all growing quite attached to our new little bundle of wonder. Genevieve is so much fun to watch, even in her sleep. Although most newborn babies do it, you only get to observe the “falling baby” reflex for a few months in a lifetime. It doesn’t seem to occur because of a loud noise, but mid-sleep she will throw both arms up in the air as if she needs to balance herself and put on a startled face with her eyes closed. Genevieve also has a trick with her left arm, a disappearing act. She always finds a way to pull her left arm up into her sleeve and sometimes, out of the sleeve. She loves to ride in the carrier, both on mom or dad, and often wakes as soon as you put her down. So far she has trekked down into the garden a few times, and into town. As the sun begins to lose its intensity and the mosquitoes back off, she is sure to do a lot more “trekking.” She is also starting her training as a chef, very young. She lies on her fuzzy wool rug on the floor and watches me cook dinner, kicking her little legs and searching for bright lights, but usually ends up sleeping by the end. If she could have it her way she’d sleep on us all the time, but it gets tiring! She hates sleeping on her back, but will sleep on her side if packed in blankets. As I write, she is sleeping in her Moses basket on her side, on the floor next to me. She is amazing to watch.

There are quite a few other babies in our lives now also. My nephew Kai just had his first birthday in Milwaukee. Jacinta is looking forward to playing with him when we go to the US. Last time we saw him he was too young for play. Many of my friends have also had babies recently. Just this week our friends Caroline and Heather had a little boy, Reed, who came five weeks early, but what a joy for them. He may have a few weeks in the hospital to help him gain weight, but otherwise he is healthy. Our friends AnneMarie and Bernie, who lost their little girl about a month ago, came out for a visit on Monday. We had a wonderful day with them, sharing Genevieve, Jacinta, stories, and food. They continue to amaze us in their life understanding and strength. As they held little Genevieve, they would comment on whether Teresa’s features were similar to Genevieve’s, all the while smiling at the memory of spending just five hours with their daughter before she passed away. Some adults can inspire as much awe in us as can tiny babies.

The rains came again this week, filling the dam even more, making the grass and weeds grow even higher, but also doing the trees and few veggies a favor. There were peppers, eggplant, a few greens, and a tiny cantaloupe to be harvested. Best of all, we have full water tank for the first time in about six months. The rain inspired Matt to do some “brain work” inside the house, working for a few hours each day on camp planning, the Creation Spirituality website, and writing. He needed a good break from building, so in lieu of boring bank work and given schools that don’t need any substitute teachers at the moment, he worked inside and embraced the opportunity to be with “his three girls,” making life quite lovely and peaceful for me. We take turns sleeping in with the baby while the other keeps boisterous Jacinta busy. Matt mostly lets me sleep in the morning though, he only got one sleep in. One evening he began hanging pictures on the walls, and made our home even more comfortable being surrounded by art and photos of family and friends. We now have a mirror in the bathroom and tomorrow we’ll have a new pots and pans holder above the stove.

Our little house and our little family are both evolving and we are loving the process.

If you’d like to see some more photos, Matt just updated the website www.paintedguitar.com with new pictures. Have a great week, and have fun evolving as we all are!

Peace,

Shana